Oh, the line forms on the right, dears, now that MacHeath's back in town.
Good morning, dead Internets! I take it that everyone is either outside enjoying the BITCHING weather, or at Torchsong, protecting GDL from harm, or sleeping it off.
I am doing none of these.
So, what do we talk about? Whatever you want. As my old shrink might say, if your state of being was a colour, what colour would it be? Mine would be orange. That sounds like a good colour for a Sunday morning. Right? The kind of morning that is made better with coffee and a rousing chorus of I'll Make A Man Out Of You. Sing it, Asian Donny!
No really, that cartoon Shang is fucking HOT. That is appropriate. INAPPROPRIATE. Also, when BD Wong is the speaking voice of Shang, why the hell would they get Donny Osmond to sing? WHY THE HELL. arsenicjade, use your B-Way knowledge and explain it to me. Also, tell me how to bang a cartoon character.
You can all shut up, because I have three words for you, especially you guys: The Little Fucking Mermaid (every man I have ever asked about Ariel has responded in the yes. They specifically cite the seashell bra. Funny, also that they are usually of the age in which they first saw that film around the age of ten. FORMATIVE SEXUAL YEARS WITH A FUCKING MERMAID IN YOUR FANTASY BOOK. Excellent. XD). Failing that, Belle, or possibly, depending on your bread and shit, the beast in his human form. HOTT RED HAIR FTW.
1. If you are a Jack/Ianto porn fan, I suggest you go read angstslashhope's story, The Secretary, NOT just because it uses office supplies in creatively sexual ways, but because it contains an aggressive Ianto who shows us how intimidating it is to try to impress Jack (IMHO). And there's a rubber stamper. Just saying.
2. OH MY GOD IF THIS CAKE WAS SET IN FRONT OF ME I WOULD GO BATSHIT. You all think I'm joking, but between that face and the evil hand, I would not be responsible for my actions.
3. Come on. H.R. Pufnstuf-hott or nought? Imgine H.R. Pufinstuf doing an upbeat striptease to Devo's 'Whip It'. Yeah, those are your own eyes you're trying to stab out.
4. 51stcenturyfox and cruentum are hosting the June Comment Porn Battle next weekend (their poll is up already, but chances are if you're reading this, then you've seen it), and I have to be FRESH AS A DAISY. There's an old wives tale that says that if one is gearing up for a comment porn battle, then one should hold back a few days beforehand, refrain from wanking, but what they do not know is that I have an ever replenishing supply of sperm porn. Just waiting, SOME OF IT HAS NOT EVEN BEEN THOUGHT OF YET. (But that one with TARDIS vibrator has).
5. I went over to threadless and bought shirts. WHY HAVE I NEVER BOUGHT SHIRTS FROM THREADLESS? I got 3, all on sale. One reads Origami turned my pants into this shirt, another says So far, this is the oldest I've ever been. and the last says, I "occasionally" use air quotes. Anyone who has ever seen me knows that I am a whirling dervish of air quotes. Srsly, like if you ever had to turn me into a weapon, like if we were surrounded by like, zombie ninja monkey pirates, and you were like, "It would be useful if Amanda was a spinning top of doom," just ask me to use sarchasm or quote the entire script of PCU, and behold, I am so hardcore and violent, they call me The Mad Haggis. When I do my River Tam routine, my personal soundtrack is BAGPIPES. Imagine that Jet Li and Robert Shaw had a kid, and it was Lance Henriksen (BTW, that is the only acceptable MPREG in the universe.)
6. I remember that my education Professor (Dr. Stacey, who let me proofread his letters and we would sit about in his office and talk about Victoria de los Angeles vs. Marilyn Horne. WTF, me?), had two pet peeves (aside from the fact that I listened to reggae), and one of them was using air quotes, so for a long time I had got out of the habit of using them. Folks, air quotes are awesome, but then you know that. His other thing was referring to a group of people as 'guys', as in, "Okay guys, settle down." His argument being that the females in the class were not male (for…obvious reasons. Duh). I argued that in that context, it has become gender neutral, like an atheist who has no trouble using paper money that says "in god we trust" on it. Anyway, he held firm, but changed his mind when I settled on its Pittsburghese alternative: 'Okay yinz gotta settle dahn nao." For those who think I just used L-O-L Cat speak, come to the city of rivers. I'll get yinz a Primanti's sammich and we'll go stalk Ben Roethlisburger.
7. I was just looking at my profile page, and I haven't said "dudes" in a while. DUDES. WTF WITH THAT?
8. PENGUINS? WHAT THE HELL PENGUINS!? NO NO NO NO. Also, an old article from Pittsburgh Dish: apparently, since we cannot be trusted anymore post-winning the Super Bowl, the City Council has decided to ban outdoor sofas, because yeah, then we can't SET THEM ON FIRE. You are so pissing in the wind, bitches.
I am doing none of these.
So, what do we talk about? Whatever you want. As my old shrink might say, if your state of being was a colour, what colour would it be? Mine would be orange. That sounds like a good colour for a Sunday morning. Right? The kind of morning that is made better with coffee and a rousing chorus of I'll Make A Man Out Of You. Sing it, Asian Donny!
No really, that cartoon Shang is fucking HOT. That is appropriate. INAPPROPRIATE. Also, when BD Wong is the speaking voice of Shang, why the hell would they get Donny Osmond to sing? WHY THE HELL. arsenicjade, use your B-Way knowledge and explain it to me. Also, tell me how to bang a cartoon character.
You can all shut up, because I have three words for you, especially you guys: The Little Fucking Mermaid (every man I have ever asked about Ariel has responded in the yes. They specifically cite the seashell bra. Funny, also that they are usually of the age in which they first saw that film around the age of ten. FORMATIVE SEXUAL YEARS WITH A FUCKING MERMAID IN YOUR FANTASY BOOK. Excellent. XD). Failing that, Belle, or possibly, depending on your bread and shit, the beast in his human form. HOTT RED HAIR FTW.
1. If you are a Jack/Ianto porn fan, I suggest you go read angstslashhope's story, The Secretary, NOT just because it uses office supplies in creatively sexual ways, but because it contains an aggressive Ianto who shows us how intimidating it is to try to impress Jack (IMHO). And there's a rubber stamper. Just saying.
2. OH MY GOD IF THIS CAKE WAS SET IN FRONT OF ME I WOULD GO BATSHIT. You all think I'm joking, but between that face and the evil hand, I would not be responsible for my actions.
3. Come on. H.R. Pufnstuf-hott or nought? Imgine H.R. Pufinstuf doing an upbeat striptease to Devo's 'Whip It'. Yeah, those are your own eyes you're trying to stab out.
4. 51stcenturyfox and cruentum are hosting the June Comment Porn Battle next weekend (their poll is up already, but chances are if you're reading this, then you've seen it), and I have to be FRESH AS A DAISY. There's an old wives tale that says that if one is gearing up for a comment porn battle, then one should hold back a few days beforehand, refrain from wanking, but what they do not know is that I have an ever replenishing supply of sperm porn. Just waiting, SOME OF IT HAS NOT EVEN BEEN THOUGHT OF YET. (But that one with TARDIS vibrator has).
5. I went over to threadless and bought shirts. WHY HAVE I NEVER BOUGHT SHIRTS FROM THREADLESS? I got 3, all on sale. One reads Origami turned my pants into this shirt, another says So far, this is the oldest I've ever been. and the last says, I "occasionally" use air quotes. Anyone who has ever seen me knows that I am a whirling dervish of air quotes. Srsly, like if you ever had to turn me into a weapon, like if we were surrounded by like, zombie ninja monkey pirates, and you were like, "It would be useful if Amanda was a spinning top of doom," just ask me to use sarchasm or quote the entire script of PCU, and behold, I am so hardcore and violent, they call me The Mad Haggis. When I do my River Tam routine, my personal soundtrack is BAGPIPES. Imagine that Jet Li and Robert Shaw had a kid, and it was Lance Henriksen (BTW, that is the only acceptable MPREG in the universe.)
6. I remember that my education Professor (Dr. Stacey, who let me proofread his letters and we would sit about in his office and talk about Victoria de los Angeles vs. Marilyn Horne. WTF, me?), had two pet peeves (aside from the fact that I listened to reggae), and one of them was using air quotes, so for a long time I had got out of the habit of using them. Folks, air quotes are awesome, but then you know that. His other thing was referring to a group of people as 'guys', as in, "Okay guys, settle down." His argument being that the females in the class were not male (for…obvious reasons. Duh). I argued that in that context, it has become gender neutral, like an atheist who has no trouble using paper money that says "in god we trust" on it. Anyway, he held firm, but changed his mind when I settled on its Pittsburghese alternative: 'Okay yinz gotta settle dahn nao." For those who think I just used L-O-L Cat speak, come to the city of rivers. I'll get yinz a Primanti's sammich and we'll go stalk Ben Roethlisburger.
7. I was just looking at my profile page, and I haven't said "dudes" in a while. DUDES. WTF WITH THAT?
8. PENGUINS? WHAT THE HELL PENGUINS!? NO NO NO NO. Also, an old article from Pittsburgh Dish: apparently, since we cannot be trusted anymore post-winning the Super Bowl, the City Council has decided to ban outdoor sofas, because yeah, then we can't SET THEM ON FIRE. You are so pissing in the wind, bitches.