Writer's Block: Anti-bullying month
I can only think of twice in my life when bullying made me want to die. The first time, I didn't know that I could physically take my own life. I just prayed and wished to die just so I wouldn't have to face that person the next day. The second time, I thought about death, but never went through with it.
The first big bully of my life was my fourth grade teacher, Mr. Hussey. I had been told he was the coolest teacher at my school and I wanted to be in his class so badly. When I got him, I thought it was going to be the best year of my life. It was a nightmare. Almost within the first week he singled me out as a weak link. It started as snide remarks from him and progressed to him actively telling the kids to make fun of me. The kids who stuck up for me were bullied until they too turned on me and tormented me. My family went to the principal, but he ignored us. Even when the teacher admited he called me names like "worthless" and "stupid" on a daily basis. He said it was a teaching tool and that I was being sensitive. Every night, I cried and prayed to be dead the next morning so I wouldn't have to face him. I was so scarred by my experience that I had panic attacks whenever I had a male teacher after him. It wasn't until the end of high school could I relax around male teachers and not feel like they were out to get me.
The second was a group of girls in high school. One girl would always tell us her weekend, including her sexual exploits, every monday. For most of the year I listened to what she had to say and kept my mouth shut. Then came prom. I talked about getting a dress made and she said, "Well I bet it won't stay on all night." Dear readers, what do you think she was saying to me? It sounded to me like an implication of sex. I replied - rashly I admit - "no, I'm not you." Now, I appologized right away. I appologized again in front of the teacher when she (the student) started yelling at me. And I appologized again before class was over. For me, it should have ended. I didn't believe her when she said she meant that I was going to change for the after prom party, but I had appologized. It didn't end there. For the next few months leading up to prom and beyond, she and her friends threatened me and made me fearful of my life. It was so bad that people who knew me outside of school had heard death threats on my life and warned me about it. Finally I tried to talk to a teacher, but she was a sub (because the class this happened in had a teacher who didn't listen to me anyway and watched this harrassment going on) and told me to my face I deserved it because I "encouraged" them. I broke down and started crying in my next class, which freaked out the students because no one had ever seen me sad and I was sent to the vice principal. That was when the adults found out about the death threats and that some of the girls were carrying weapons in the hopes of catching me alone. I had managed to live only because most of my classes were on the other side the school and I was around people. Those girls were given displinary action and told that if I so much as got a scabbed knee they would be expelled. Oh, and the sub was later fired.
The first big bully of my life was my fourth grade teacher, Mr. Hussey. I had been told he was the coolest teacher at my school and I wanted to be in his class so badly. When I got him, I thought it was going to be the best year of my life. It was a nightmare. Almost within the first week he singled me out as a weak link. It started as snide remarks from him and progressed to him actively telling the kids to make fun of me. The kids who stuck up for me were bullied until they too turned on me and tormented me. My family went to the principal, but he ignored us. Even when the teacher admited he called me names like "worthless" and "stupid" on a daily basis. He said it was a teaching tool and that I was being sensitive. Every night, I cried and prayed to be dead the next morning so I wouldn't have to face him. I was so scarred by my experience that I had panic attacks whenever I had a male teacher after him. It wasn't until the end of high school could I relax around male teachers and not feel like they were out to get me.
The second was a group of girls in high school. One girl would always tell us her weekend, including her sexual exploits, every monday. For most of the year I listened to what she had to say and kept my mouth shut. Then came prom. I talked about getting a dress made and she said, "Well I bet it won't stay on all night." Dear readers, what do you think she was saying to me? It sounded to me like an implication of sex. I replied - rashly I admit - "no, I'm not you." Now, I appologized right away. I appologized again in front of the teacher when she (the student) started yelling at me. And I appologized again before class was over. For me, it should have ended. I didn't believe her when she said she meant that I was going to change for the after prom party, but I had appologized. It didn't end there. For the next few months leading up to prom and beyond, she and her friends threatened me and made me fearful of my life. It was so bad that people who knew me outside of school had heard death threats on my life and warned me about it. Finally I tried to talk to a teacher, but she was a sub (because the class this happened in had a teacher who didn't listen to me anyway and watched this harrassment going on) and told me to my face I deserved it because I "encouraged" them. I broke down and started crying in my next class, which freaked out the students because no one had ever seen me sad and I was sent to the vice principal. That was when the adults found out about the death threats and that some of the girls were carrying weapons in the hopes of catching me alone. I had managed to live only because most of my classes were on the other side the school and I was around people. Those girls were given displinary action and told that if I so much as got a scabbed knee they would be expelled. Oh, and the sub was later fired.