For Reflection
I am going to log some things that are on my mind before I leave. This way I can look back on the me that existed before my trip and compare it to the me after.
Right now in my life I have been drinking about....3 nights a week at the bar. It's all social drinking but I am thinking that maybe the drinking needs to cut down a bit. I'm thinking that the alcohol intake is also adding to the weight issue I've been having...or stress. Probably BOTH!
But anyways...yeah I want to cut down. 3.5 weeks without booze will help. I also want to quit smoking for good. None of this "I'M DRUNK GIMME A SMOKE" shit anymore. Just tired of buying cigarettes and smoking for the sake of something to do. That's just stupid.
Oh and my health blah blah cancer, lungs...blah. Got to quit for that too, I guess.
I'm leaving home with my large adoration for Mikael, and feeling content with the whole friends with benefits thing we have going on. Since he is so straight-foreward like me it's working well. Both of us have epic life changes happening soon so it's nice to have someone to hang out with but also be intimate with that doesn't expect to see you all the time. I'm busy so my free time is limited. Also jealousy is non-existent with this situation which is SUCH a sigh of relief. The only time I got kind of mad at him, I was drunk and horny and he didn't go home with me. XD HAHA But I turned into a pouty little girl then slept it off/sobered up.
I'm wondering if I will still want this "thing", whatever it is, when I get back. Maybe distance will make me grow detached or...more attached? I'm not sure.
ALSO! I'm still scared that I will miss a ton of fun times while I am gone, and that will distance me from people. Irrational thoughts pass in my head like "OMG NO ONE WILL WANT ME AS A FRIEND WHEN I GET BACK!!" I know this is silly, but it's still there and I hope that being away for my first long period will help that thought die in a fire.
What else? OH WORK! And school!! Geeze, I kind of want to get back and just become a nanny. I don't want to apply to Central. I just want to be a nanny for a while and kind of....take a break from school. Is that bad? I'm not sure. Also I feel bad just leaving Lynda. But it's too much. She is taking on too many kids and it's not fair to them that we don't have enough staff. It's actually really fucked up and I feel like a bad person just sitting back and letting it happen. I want to steal a family away from the daycare and nanny for them. But how do I do this without Lynda feeling stabbed in the back? >_< UGGHHHHH
Let's see how I feel when I get back.
Right now in my life I have been drinking about....3 nights a week at the bar. It's all social drinking but I am thinking that maybe the drinking needs to cut down a bit. I'm thinking that the alcohol intake is also adding to the weight issue I've been having...or stress. Probably BOTH!
But anyways...yeah I want to cut down. 3.5 weeks without booze will help. I also want to quit smoking for good. None of this "I'M DRUNK GIMME A SMOKE" shit anymore. Just tired of buying cigarettes and smoking for the sake of something to do. That's just stupid.
Oh and my health blah blah cancer, lungs...blah. Got to quit for that too, I guess.
I'm leaving home with my large adoration for Mikael, and feeling content with the whole friends with benefits thing we have going on. Since he is so straight-foreward like me it's working well. Both of us have epic life changes happening soon so it's nice to have someone to hang out with but also be intimate with that doesn't expect to see you all the time. I'm busy so my free time is limited. Also jealousy is non-existent with this situation which is SUCH a sigh of relief. The only time I got kind of mad at him, I was drunk and horny and he didn't go home with me. XD HAHA But I turned into a pouty little girl then slept it off/sobered up.
I'm wondering if I will still want this "thing", whatever it is, when I get back. Maybe distance will make me grow detached or...more attached? I'm not sure.
ALSO! I'm still scared that I will miss a ton of fun times while I am gone, and that will distance me from people. Irrational thoughts pass in my head like "OMG NO ONE WILL WANT ME AS A FRIEND WHEN I GET BACK!!" I know this is silly, but it's still there and I hope that being away for my first long period will help that thought die in a fire.
What else? OH WORK! And school!! Geeze, I kind of want to get back and just become a nanny. I don't want to apply to Central. I just want to be a nanny for a while and kind of....take a break from school. Is that bad? I'm not sure. Also I feel bad just leaving Lynda. But it's too much. She is taking on too many kids and it's not fair to them that we don't have enough staff. It's actually really fucked up and I feel like a bad person just sitting back and letting it happen. I want to steal a family away from the daycare and nanny for them. But how do I do this without Lynda feeling stabbed in the back? >_< UGGHHHHH
Let's see how I feel when I get back.