it's been a long time since.........
i've posted here. Well I don't even know where to start so I guess best is to start from about two months before the festival.
ok....if I look at all the things that have happened over the past 6 months I must say that I am happy to be where I am at now, even though that doesn't necessarily mean that I am happy but I think I'm getting there. It's really been a tough rollercoaster ride and god knows I hate rollercoasters.
So before I got to the festival I had just ended a relationship with a girl that didn't really do me good.
At the same time however it seems that I got all lot of karma back meaning I suffered emotionally and also physically so I took it as a learning experience and I did lot learn a lot baout myself and relationships in general.
So I took that bag full of emotional garbage with me to the festival and looking back I think I haven't been a good sport to you guys. I apologize for that.I really do! It was a though week for me as I was busy cleaning tables and empting out garbage bags. But it was good...
So at the last day of the festival this girl named Daniela (as some of you remember) stayed at our house and I won't deny that I thought that she was absolutely gorgeous and sweet. It took me a while to understand but when I picked her up at the trainstation with her brother sitting next to me and she came down the stairs I feel in love. This realization needed some time because of all the accumulated emotional dirt that has been covering my heart at that time. Funny thing is that she felt the same.When we talked about how we felt when we first met we were laughing all the time because be both acted so weird and still managed to get together.
She is special and while staying France at the Dole festival she took Harinam from Sadhu Maharja and her name is Madhuri dasi.
I have to admit that besides being in love with her I also feel in love with Sadhu Maharaja. He is so sweet and being there and experiencing his sweetness and loving character is something I will take with me to my grave. Madhuri didn't plan to take initiation and I must admit that it was my fault. I thought it would be nice to give her some Mala to chant but then I thought " wait I can't give her that...it should be done be someone who is more senior" and actually I didn't want to make her think that I'd force her to chant. So while being outside I saw Sadhu Mahraja walking alone and I went up to him and asked him if he could give the beads to Madhuri.He smiled and said yes of course.Next think I know is that I see him taking that beadbag and start chanting on it.... I knew what happened next. I didn't tell her but kept asking once in a while if Sadhu Maharaja gave her something because he told me that he had something for her. And one morning in the kitchen we were cutting vegetables she looked at me, standing across the cutting table and smiled.I asked her what was wrong with her. She smiled more , so I asked " What happened?" She said " I got a gift " ."Really "I said, "what did he give you ". "Beads and a neckbead". But still she kept smiling and I asked her if she had gotten a name because I was thinking that maybe Sadhu Maharaja would do that but I thought that she might be reluctant to do it. So she said" yes I got a name". I was so happy for her when I heard that. She wouldn't tell me until we had lunch together. The moment she told me I was just so happy for her. But it gets better...a day before that happened we were eating together and talking when Sadhu Maharaja walked up to her and whispered something in her ear and then looked at me and at her again and just smiled. He was like a shy child who was whispering in his moms ear.
(Remember, we weren't officialy together at that time) We just were there .... So i asked what he was telling her. She said, and I couldn't believe what i was hearing "he said :never leave him!" She loved it and she later told me that she thought it was the sweetest thing someone ever told her. She was completely captured by Sadhu's love and affection and so was I. Funny thing is there was no "official initiation " for her. He just called her in his room and asked if she likes chanting and she said yes. So he asked "Would you like a name?" and of course she couldn't say no. So later at the official initiations she had to go again since she hadn't given guru daksina and some fruits and flowers to offer. We came in late because she felt really sick some minutes before but thanks to Dayas help and some prana she felt better in no time. When we entered his room things became mystical, mysterious it was just a completly different atmosphere than outside. Maharaja was sitting on his bed smiling, nodding. We came forward and she offered her plate with fruits and flowers. He said" I have already given her the name Madhuri for you are very sweet and it is your service to be sweet to others always." He was smiling but also grave and serious about what he said. He then looked at me , no saying anything but just looking and smiling. Many seconds or minutes no one said a thing and it was a strong spiritual atmosphere in which we were in. He looked at me and thanked me for making a video about his gurudeva.(you can watch it at the end )He was very pleased. he said" you will see you'll receive his mercy soon" I was blown away. It is so strong when someone like him tells you something like that , directly looking you in the eyes or your soul. And it was strange but I always felt attracted to his Gurudeva. The video footage is so sweet. What a sweet Vaisnava.
While sitting in front of him I asked him why he told Madhuri to not leave me because we didn't even know we where together. He smiled and in a very grave but sweet tone said. "You are made for each other. She is my daughter now. You must take good care of her" Then he put his hands on our heads and blessed us. I don't know but we both felt that we somehow got married. Strange isn't it.
Thinking back on my initial emotion to write this entry I must say that in the light of these things that have been a bit overshadowed in the last weeks I must say that I will finish here and write some more some other time. I feel content right now and that's good.
SO here's the video and some other more.
I love you all. Don't ever doubt.
Hugs and kisses
Amala
this is for you Vasu
ok....if I look at all the things that have happened over the past 6 months I must say that I am happy to be where I am at now, even though that doesn't necessarily mean that I am happy but I think I'm getting there. It's really been a tough rollercoaster ride and god knows I hate rollercoasters.
So before I got to the festival I had just ended a relationship with a girl that didn't really do me good.
At the same time however it seems that I got all lot of karma back meaning I suffered emotionally and also physically so I took it as a learning experience and I did lot learn a lot baout myself and relationships in general.
So I took that bag full of emotional garbage with me to the festival and looking back I think I haven't been a good sport to you guys. I apologize for that.I really do! It was a though week for me as I was busy cleaning tables and empting out garbage bags. But it was good...
So at the last day of the festival this girl named Daniela (as some of you remember) stayed at our house and I won't deny that I thought that she was absolutely gorgeous and sweet. It took me a while to understand but when I picked her up at the trainstation with her brother sitting next to me and she came down the stairs I feel in love. This realization needed some time because of all the accumulated emotional dirt that has been covering my heart at that time. Funny thing is that she felt the same.When we talked about how we felt when we first met we were laughing all the time because be both acted so weird and still managed to get together.
She is special and while staying France at the Dole festival she took Harinam from Sadhu Maharja and her name is Madhuri dasi.
I have to admit that besides being in love with her I also feel in love with Sadhu Maharaja. He is so sweet and being there and experiencing his sweetness and loving character is something I will take with me to my grave. Madhuri didn't plan to take initiation and I must admit that it was my fault. I thought it would be nice to give her some Mala to chant but then I thought " wait I can't give her that...it should be done be someone who is more senior" and actually I didn't want to make her think that I'd force her to chant. So while being outside I saw Sadhu Mahraja walking alone and I went up to him and asked him if he could give the beads to Madhuri.He smiled and said yes of course.Next think I know is that I see him taking that beadbag and start chanting on it.... I knew what happened next. I didn't tell her but kept asking once in a while if Sadhu Maharaja gave her something because he told me that he had something for her. And one morning in the kitchen we were cutting vegetables she looked at me, standing across the cutting table and smiled.I asked her what was wrong with her. She smiled more , so I asked " What happened?" She said " I got a gift " ."Really "I said, "what did he give you ". "Beads and a neckbead". But still she kept smiling and I asked her if she had gotten a name because I was thinking that maybe Sadhu Maharaja would do that but I thought that she might be reluctant to do it. So she said" yes I got a name". I was so happy for her when I heard that. She wouldn't tell me until we had lunch together. The moment she told me I was just so happy for her. But it gets better...a day before that happened we were eating together and talking when Sadhu Maharaja walked up to her and whispered something in her ear and then looked at me and at her again and just smiled. He was like a shy child who was whispering in his moms ear.
(Remember, we weren't officialy together at that time) We just were there .... So i asked what he was telling her. She said, and I couldn't believe what i was hearing "he said :never leave him!" She loved it and she later told me that she thought it was the sweetest thing someone ever told her. She was completely captured by Sadhu's love and affection and so was I. Funny thing is there was no "official initiation " for her. He just called her in his room and asked if she likes chanting and she said yes. So he asked "Would you like a name?" and of course she couldn't say no. So later at the official initiations she had to go again since she hadn't given guru daksina and some fruits and flowers to offer. We came in late because she felt really sick some minutes before but thanks to Dayas help and some prana she felt better in no time. When we entered his room things became mystical, mysterious it was just a completly different atmosphere than outside. Maharaja was sitting on his bed smiling, nodding. We came forward and she offered her plate with fruits and flowers. He said" I have already given her the name Madhuri for you are very sweet and it is your service to be sweet to others always." He was smiling but also grave and serious about what he said. He then looked at me , no saying anything but just looking and smiling. Many seconds or minutes no one said a thing and it was a strong spiritual atmosphere in which we were in. He looked at me and thanked me for making a video about his gurudeva.(you can watch it at the end )He was very pleased. he said" you will see you'll receive his mercy soon" I was blown away. It is so strong when someone like him tells you something like that , directly looking you in the eyes or your soul. And it was strange but I always felt attracted to his Gurudeva. The video footage is so sweet. What a sweet Vaisnava.
While sitting in front of him I asked him why he told Madhuri to not leave me because we didn't even know we where together. He smiled and in a very grave but sweet tone said. "You are made for each other. She is my daughter now. You must take good care of her" Then he put his hands on our heads and blessed us. I don't know but we both felt that we somehow got married. Strange isn't it.
Thinking back on my initial emotion to write this entry I must say that in the light of these things that have been a bit overshadowed in the last weeks I must say that I will finish here and write some more some other time. I feel content right now and that's good.
SO here's the video and some other more.
I love you all. Don't ever doubt.
Hugs and kisses
Amala
Click to viewthis is for you Vasu