The persistence catch-22
A friend of mine has said that for her and many in the chinese culture "the proof of desire is in persistance". I can understand that - any guy willing to perservere through luke-warm reception, difficulties, push-back, etc is clearly very commited. That person is very likely to stay true through hard times, and would be thrilled upon getting a better reception of his interests. So the interested gal plays a hard-to-get, tests the poor guy for a while, and then eventually agrees that he's sufficiently serious.
Now let's take a gal who is not interested, but wants the guy as a friend. She gives him a luke-warm reception, not harsh enough to make him run away totally, but not really expressing interest. She pushes back if he gets too direct. She doesn't provide to many opportunities for him, thus making things difficult. In her mind, quite reasonably, she's giving him a very clear signal of "no interest".
Unfortunately, for the poor guy these situations are indistinguishable. If the reception is luke-warm, is she testing his persistance (in which case he should continue on), or telling him to quit it? Suddenly there is no distinction between being dedicated - by persisting through thick and thin - and being stupid - by straining the friendship, wasting his efforts, and looking like a fool.
What's the answer folks?
Now let's take a gal who is not interested, but wants the guy as a friend. She gives him a luke-warm reception, not harsh enough to make him run away totally, but not really expressing interest. She pushes back if he gets too direct. She doesn't provide to many opportunities for him, thus making things difficult. In her mind, quite reasonably, she's giving him a very clear signal of "no interest".
Unfortunately, for the poor guy these situations are indistinguishable. If the reception is luke-warm, is she testing his persistance (in which case he should continue on), or telling him to quit it? Suddenly there is no distinction between being dedicated - by persisting through thick and thin - and being stupid - by straining the friendship, wasting his efforts, and looking like a fool.
What's the answer folks?