Yuukai-Tsukai-Satoshibutsu-kun (One-Shot)
All things considered, it had been all for a good cause. Nothing was too irrational when it came to keeping your relationship. Whoever invented the quote-All’s fair in love and war-unquote must have known this better than anyone else.
Thus, being a dedicated wife lover, Nino felt completely justified to hide Ohno’s fishing toolbox on the top of Jun’s tallest cupboard, among the card boxes which contained some small trinkets which had once been their youngest member’s treasure.
Why on the top of the tallest cupboard; because it was one hidden spot which could have easily been used without having to steal Jun’s whole key set (the apartment manager easily let him inside the apartment after confirming his identity as Nino of Iwojima and ‘Jun’s best-est band-mate’).
Why Jun’s, because that way, even if Ohno ever managed to pinpoint where it was, Nino had figured that the older man would have never whipped up enough courage to confirm it by asking Jun to conduct a search in his apartment.
But you see, currently Nino had a predicament.
Seeing his lover sprawled unconscious on the floor, next to the after-mentioned tall cupboard with Jun’s prized ring collection sets scattered around the floor, he did only the most sensible thing.
Nino saved his game and called for an ambulance.
XXX
YUUKAI-TSUKAI-SATOSHIBUTSU-KUN
By: Ami
Not beta-ed. Yet. Maybe.
Note: NC-17. OHMIYA. BANZAI!
Standard disclaimers apply.
XXX
“A few more inches to the right and this would have had to be surgically removed from your skull,” Nino cheerfully remarked as he showed his recently awakened boyfriend the oversized pointy ring on his index finger. “I guess now you agree with me about the hazards of going fishing?”
Ohno frowned, still looking a bit dazed. And upset. Very upset.
“Alright, alright, it was partly my fault,” Nino sighed, patting Ohno’s thigh through the hospital thin blanket, “I can be a bit manipulative, sly and cheeky sometimes. But those are what you love me for, right? You signed for this the moment we slept together for the first time ages ago.”
Ohno’s expression hardly changed. And if it had changed, it had probably been for the worse.
“Oh-chan…” Nino waved a hand in front of his lover’s face, “You’re mad at me? Come on, say something.”
Nino’s heart almost stopped when Ohno suddenly slapped his wrist away harshly and yelled at him for treating him with disrespect, before yelling some more about his aching head and who the hell Nino was. He seriously thought that it had been over for them, until Ohno looked down at his hospital robe and hysterically asked for his clothes from Kaibutsu Land.
XXX
Sakurai Sho stood in front of Ohmiya’s shared apartment, looking apprehensive more than anything else. In his hand was a paper bag which contained his old rugged suit and his most baggy stripes shirt and he absolutely had no idea why Nino would have begged him so desperately for them.
“Sho-chan!”
Aiba’s cheerful voice turned Sho’s frown in to a smile. As he turned to the other man, he couldn’t help noticing that Aiba was with a bag too. It was his usual bag, but it also seemed more bulge-y than usual.
“Ah, I made it in time! Have you ringed the bell?”
Sho shook his head, still keeping his eyes on the backpack Aiba was carelessly slinging on one arm, “Let me guess… he asked you to bring your worst-looking suit and baggy stripes shirt?”
Aiba made a confused face, “No. It’s my fake lion paws from Shimura Doubutsuen. And my strongest hair sprays.”
That, got Sho to fear for his life even more.
“Ah, yappari,” Jun wore a triumphant grin as he approached his two friends, holding yet another mysterious paper bag, “I knew something was wrong. Now that I see you two here as well, there has to be a camera around here.”
“Eh?” Sho and Aiba wore the same expression.
“This has to be another secret filming, or something,” which would explain Jun’s ‘idol’ appearance that clearly expected a camera to be pointing at his direction. “I sensed something like this the moment Nino called and asked me to bring my tux, my top head and a bottle of tomato juice.”
Aiba looked down at his street clothes, wondering if it was decent enough. Sho had just gone home from filming his new dorama, so at least his hair was still in shape.
“But it’s probably bad if someone finds out about this secret apartment, right?” Sho looked around and scrutinized his surroundings with his hard-boiled, sharp idol eyes. After years and years of being observed by the camera, he thought that he would have been able to spot one instantly, no matter how hidden it was. “I don’t know. I don’t think Nino would let anyone shoot here. We haven’t even been informed about this address until a few hours ago.”
“Let’s just find out,” never losing his vigor, Aiba rang the bell.
XXX
Nino opened the door after one eerie moment of silence. The second youngest member of Arashi’s face was decidedly unreadable. If anything, he was relieved to see them arrive.
“Welcome. Good, good, now come inside,” Nino opened the door and let them inside.
“No, not to the living room, here,” before the three had a chance to look around the newly purchased apartment, Nino ushered them in to the bathroom. The bathroom was supposedly large and luxurious for an apartment of two, but didn’t feel so spacious anymore after four grown men were cramped inside.
“Now take off your clothes,” Nino said casually as he easily freed his houseguests from their respective belongings while they were still gaping at his instruction.
“What the hell?” Jun half-cringed, half-grinned, “Nino, what kind of joke is this? Is there a camera around?”
“What? A camera? Here in my sacred secret headquarters?” Nino made a face as if the mere thought of it made him nauseous. “Don’t be ridiculous guys. Come on, let’s not waste time! Strip!”
“Look, Nino,” Sho seemed scandalized at what he was about to say, “I don’t care if it’s our fans wildest fantasy, but Arashi is not having an orgy! Imagine how awkward it will be for us after! I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t be able to look at you guys in the face again for sure!”
The second youngest member of Arashi looked stunned for a moment, before bursting out in hearty laughter, followed by the other two. As for Sho, the moment would later be remembered as the second most embarrassing moment in his life (the first one apparently had something to do with a drunk Sho and a piano).
“Okay, actually we don’t have time for explanation, so I’ll make this quick (just so Sho-san wouldn’t expect anything else),” Nino sighed resignedly as he rested his back on the sink and folded his arms in front of his chest, “To make the long story short, I hid Oh-chan’s fishing tools in Jun’s apartment, and he hurt himself trying to retrieve it.”
Jun looked like he was about to protest, but quickly closed his mouth again because more than anything he wanted to hear how Ohno hurting himself ended with them having to strip.
“So, he hurt his head. The doctors said they didn’t know what’s wrong with him, except that right now he seems pretty sure that he is a Kaibutsu prince from Kaibutsu Land and he wants his three attendants back.”
XXX
Three Arashi members, dressed in costumes which would have been hilarious enough for one whole HnA SP episode, entered the bedroom in which they found one Kaibutsu prince sulking on the large double bed. Sho was wearing his old faded blue suit and striped shirt, still sulking about the permanent marker Nino used for drawing a slanted ‘scar’ vertically over his left eye. Aiba looked rather cute with his lion paws, and seemed to like his new wild hairstyle Nino had emptied his hairspray for. Jun looked mostly relieved that his costumes turned out to be the least odd one among the three.
Sho almost gasped when he realized that Kaibutsu-kun’s one leg was shackled to the bedpost. He almost opened his mouth to ask, before deciding that he didn’t really want to know what Nino usually used those chains for.
“Well,” Nino answered to his friends’ scandalized looks, “You try taking care of a national idol who insists that he is a Kaibutsu Prince and wants to walk out in public with that bright costumes!”
“Hey!” Ohno stood up---only to stumble back down as the chains weren’t long enough to support his movement. Somehow he managed to look both angry and cute, the way Kaibutsu-kun did.
“You! Kidnapper! You have to be Demorina’s underling! Let me go at once you hear me!”
Nino rubbed his forehead tiredly, “How many times do I have to tell you: I, Ninomiya Kazunari, am no one’s underling. In fact, I am Demokin-sama, disguised as a very handsome young idol.”
“Demokin-sama is larger than you!”
Aiba giggled at that comeback.
“You most definitely haven’t just said that!” Nino suddenly snapped and marched towards his equally irate lover, “And how would you know Matsuoka-senpai’s size anyway you slut!”
“Ano… Nino…” Sho hesitantly raised his hand, “I don’t think that’s what he meant by ‘big’…”
“Anyway, Young Master, this is I, werewolf-zama---I mean---gansu!” Aiba cheerfully started while Jun kept observing the scene with morbid interest.
“Were you looking for us?”
Four Arashi members held their breaths as their leader took in the situation and gave each of them one hard, long stare.
“You…” Ohno narrowed his eyes at Sho, who slid himself behind Aiba defensively, “Franken?”
“Yes---I mean, Funga!” Sho cringed as he realized that it was about as articulate as he could ever get with Ohno from the time on. How was he supposed to remind their leader to sleep more regularly and eat more vegetables with only one variation of word?
“And…” Ohno shifted his eyes to Aiba, who was waving at him with the same smile he usually reserved for wild animals he had yet to tame, “Werewolf?”
“Yep this is me-gansu!”
“Bo-chan!” Jun suddenly shrieked, making his other three members jump in surprise, “Where have you been-zamasu?! We were looking for you all over the place!”
“Dracula!” Ohno suddenly looked immensely relieved, “Thank God you’re here! Come and release me! Demorina has---”
“DEMOKIN-SAMA---“ Nino’s face was flushed with anger.
“---kidnapped me and told me that I am not a prince!” Ohno stubbornly continued.
“If you are a prince then I am Bill-fucking-Gates!” Nino belatedly realized that even the non-amnesiac Ohno would have probably not known who Bill Gates was as he pressed his palms on his face in frustration. “Sho-chan, suddenly I feel sick. I’m leaving him to you.”
With that, Nino shuffled out of the room, pointedly ignoring Sho’s woeful expression.
“At least give me the keys to his shackles please!”
XXX
A few hours later, five Arashi members who were supposed to be causing storm all over the world finally settled down. Ohno, having been fed with various nonsense excuses from Jun, finally agreed that:
1. Nino wasn’t Demorina (in-disguise) or Demokin’s underling who was supposed to trap him in his evil lair (he was still pretty suspicious, though)
2. He had lost his magical cap (Aiba hid it when the other two distracted the older man), which had somehow made him allergic to direct sunlight, thus he wasn’t supposed to leave the apartment until the sun set
3. Franken had learned to talk from watching too much News Zero
Nino, who still refused to stay in the same room as his insane lover, was grudgingly cooking curry rice in the kitchen, only because Ohno kept complaining about being hungry, Jun happened to be the only person who could communicate with Ohno properly, Aiba’s hands were worthless with the fake paws on, and Sho couldn’t cook anything more complicated than a sandwich.
For the time being, Ohno seemed pretty occupied with Nino’s Wii, looking happy and energetic among his ‘attendants’.
“Fuck,” Nino gritted his teeth as he heard another whoop of joy from the living room, chopping the onion with unnecessary force. It was supposed to be one rare day off he had been looking forward to, and instead of spending quality time with his lover, he was stuck in the kitchen, cooking for five. He didn’t really mind cooking for a show or Arashi members exclusively, but it was his day off and he had thought they would have been eating some fancy meal from Ohno’s favorite Japanese Restaurant by the time. The day had started out real good too. Until his jerk of a boyfriend had decided to seek out his fishing tools instead of spending a quiet, lazy holiday with him.
“I knew it, he wanted to fish today,” The actor stopped working furiously for a moment to take a deep breath. All things considered, at least Nino had managed to foil the older man’s plan to fish that day. That alone was good enough. Or not.
“Hmmm…”
Nino looked up and widened his eyes as he noticed that Ohno had suddenly appeared near the open door, peering inside cautiously.
“What?” Nino asked curtly.
“Nothing,” Ohno quickly responded, looking offended, “I was just wondering if the food was ready. But I guess you are too useless to finish quickly.”
“Useless----“
Ohno took a step backward when he realized that someone who could glare the way Nino did most probably could throw that dangerous-looking big knife at his direction as well.
“It will be ready when it is,” Nino turned his eyes back to the ingredients he was chopping in an attempt to distract his hands from strangling the life out of his boyfriend, “You keep bugging me will only delay my work. Go back inside. I’ll call you when it’s ready.”
Surprisingly, Kaibutsu-kun easily obeyed and nodded with a defeated expression. As he turned around to leave, Nino thought he could faintly hear a growling sound coming from the older man’s direction. And that’s when all of his resolves to make his lover pay for what he had gone through that day crumbled. Fast.
XXX
“Here,”
Ohno looked up and found himself face-to-face with a tube of potato chips. He was more interested in the hand which was holding it, though. It smelled like curry.
“You’d better not eat too much of those, though. You’ll definitely regret ditching my wonderful cooking over this.”
XXX
“Curry, SAIKOUUUU!”
Nino wondered if he should be clutching his head in frustration or swelling with pride at that. He had put more effort in to his cooking this time, and he didn’t even know why he had bothered to do so.
“This is really delicious,” Jun seemed immensely impressed that he had forgotten to keep up his ‘zamasu’, “Ninomiya you are one fantastic cook.”
“Can I have seconds?” Aiba asked sheepishly, while Sho looked too preoccupied with his food that he had neglected the fact that Nino had especially picked out a bright pink mug for his drink, gifted by Haruna Ai some time during one of the variety shows Nino had attended for promoting his movie.
“Go ahead,” Nino shrugged and gestured to the direction of the kitchen, “Rice cooker’s over there. I think there’s some rice left.”
Aiba gave him one grateful nod before leaving the table for his second serving.
“I’m done.”
Despite his rave review, the Kaibutsu Prince stopped eating after finishing his first plate, Just like the usual Ohno, Nino noticed, and left the table quietly afterwards.
“I knew it,” Nino smirked, catching the attention of his two band mates, “He is just faking it. He did not really lose his memory, didn’t he?”
“Why would you think so?” Jun asked offhandedly.
“Other than exaggerated actions, he is still Oh-chan after all,” Nino sighed, putting down his spoon although he had barely eaten, “You know what, I think he is just trying to teach me a lesson for hiding his fishing equipment.”
“I don’t think so!” Aiba reappeared in the dining room, bringing back a large mound of rice on his place. Sho scooped some in to his own plate immediately after Aiba put it down on the table.
“Riida wouldn’t do something like that to Nino because he hates to make Nino worry!”
Nino frowned, “Well it’s kind of the point. He is trying to punish me. Of course he wants me to suffer.”
“Then there has to be another reason,” Aiba looked very serious with his words, “Even if it’s true that Riida faked everything, he wouldn’t have done it for making Nino suffer. There has to be another reason.”
Nino laughed bitterly, “Don’t I look like I’m suffering right now?”
“All the better then!” Aiba was practically glowing with positive energy, “He is about to give you something which would make all your sufferings feel like nothing!”
Nino looked thoughtful for a moment, before finally scooping another spoonful of rice.
“It has better be one hell of a good lay.”
XXX
Nino and the three other members made an agreement that if Ohno didn’t ask to go ‘home’ after the sun set, it would be safe for the them to leave so Nino and Ohno could properly and privately proceed with the ‘kiss and make up’ routine. It helped that Ohno stopped bothering to stay in character after dinner, returning to his usual quiet self as he blankly stared at the TV with a slight pout. At exactly 6.01 PM, Jun, Aiba and Sho excused themselves. They knew everything was going to be okay because Ohno didn’t protest when Jun came up with a blatant nonsense of a reason for them to go home without him. Nino glanced at Ohno’s slumped back before escorting his friends out to the front door and bidding them good bye. He was just wondering what sort of opening sentence would be proper for his current situation when his surroundings suddenly turned pitch-black dark. And he felt a pair of arms sliding around his waist, pulling him until his back felt the familiar warmth.
“Oh-chan…” Nino smiled in to the dark.
“Call me Young Master.”
Nino shivered at the sensual whisper, just next to his ear. The younger man experimentally reached behind him, letting his hand slide against Ohno’s bare skin, and that’s when he realized that it wasn’t just the regular Ohno behind him. It was a more-than-ready, butt-naked Ohno. Nino’s pants instantly tightened in anticipation.
“I knew it, you are Demorina’s underling.” Nino tried to protest, but was cut off short as Ohno’s hand lowered down his waist, now pressing against his hard-on.
“Satoshi… please…” Nino moaned, “Stop playing the game…”
“You are so, so sly…” Ohno ignored him and continued to message his arousal through his pants, “You think I wouldn’t find out? I am a Kaibutsu Prince you know… I can see through your trickery…”
Nino frowned and groaned softly, coming up with no appropriate word to… he didn’t even want Ohno to stop. He might as well play along. This was going to be one hell of a lay. He just knew it.
“Yes… you saw right through me…” Nino bit his bottom lip, closing his eyes. There was no point keeping them open in the darkness anyway. “I thought you were just a stupid, spoiled prince… but… AHHHHHHH”
“You’d better watch that sharp mouth of yours,” Nino could feel Ohno’s smile on his neck, “Your life is in my hands now… mine…”
“Ohhhh…” Nino arched backward, leaning the back of his head against Ohno’s shoulder, baring his neck for the other man to kiss, nip, and lick, “I hate you…”
Ohno’s voice was almost too sincere to be in character when he replied, “And I love you too.”
XXX
The next sequence of events were decidedly blurry in Nino’s passion-clouded mind. He wasn’t sure how they could have reached the bed in the darkness, but Ohno must have planned this little detail so it had been made possible. As Ohno had been naked right from the start, Nino’s hands were free to roam around while his leader was relieving him of his entire attires, leaving only his socks on. Ohno’s butt muscles felt even better when the other man was all hot and bothered, compared to when Ohno was yawning and spacing out during filming.
“Nino…” Ohno must have momentarily slipped out of character as he ran his hands over his lover’s smooth skin, wanting to feel everything since his eyes could hardly function in the total darkness. The heightened sensation was spectacular too, thanks to the same darkness which had made it impossible for them to do it ‘the normal way’.
“Oh-chan…” Nino moaned loudly with that voice which almost drove Ohno crazy. So Ohno decided to silence the other man because it would be downright humiliating to come with the aid of that voice alone.
“Ummmffffhhhh”
Nino wondered why he still bothered to talk with Ohno’s mouth pressing insistently against his, but muffled sounds still came out anyway. They only quickly turned in to muffled shrieks when he felt Ohno’s warm hand gently taking hold of his manhood, giving it just the right pressure at the right spot. He could hardly breathe.
“So tell me…” Ohno suddenly spoke while keeping his hand moving up and down the other man’s member, “Will you surrender now?”
“Aah… Aaaah….” Nino arched his back, gripping on the blanket tightly, focusing only at the sensation of Ohno’s warm hand on his quivering hard on.
Realizing that he was probably not going to get an answer soon, Ohno stopped trying and focused only on driving the other man crazy with lust. As his hand continued to pump Nino’s member, his lips wandered on Nino’s neck and chest area, pressing kisses left and right, licking, nipping, giving extra attention to Nino’s taut nipples. Just when Nino thought it couldn’t get better, he felt an incredible wet and hot sensation enveloping the tip of his member.
“OH!” Nino buckled and trembled at the feeling, “OH! OOOH!”
“You are especially loud tonight,” Ohno somehow managed to amusedly point it out despite having his mouth occupied, “I should have pulled this earlier.”
Nino agreed, but he wasn’t feeling particularly eloquent at the moment.
“Oh---chan---“
Ohno hmmm-ed around Nino’s member, causing the other man to moan some more.
“I---about to----“
“I know,” Ohno quickened his pace, “You can come.”
Nino widened his eyes, “But you haven’t---“
Ohno pushed the younger man further in to the mattress, licking and sucking and doing all those things with his wicked tongue, faster and faster. Nino was left with no choice but to submit to the intense pleasure, lying on his back, feeling his release spill all over. Although Ohno didn’t exactly kept his mouth there as he orgasmed, the older man’s face had to still be close by. That made Nino’s release felt even more intense than usual.
“Oh-chan…” Nino managed to choke out as Ohno slid back up, facing him. He could feel the man’s short breaths on his neck, “Have you…”
“If you… could…” Ohno let out a soft moan. At that point, Nino could feel Ohno’s hand moving on his own strained erection. Wasting no time, Nino sat up and pushed the older man flat on his back, reversing their positions. Then he returned all the favors with everything he had, his hands, his mouth, until he felt Ohno’s last restraint broke down along with the remaining of his Kaibutsu-kun masquerade. After it was over, Nino was satisfied to be left alone with one Ohno Satoshi, his leader, his companion, his beautiful lover.
Soon, the older man’s breaths evened out. Ohno could never stay awake for long after sex, he was even too lazy to clean himself up. Not feeling really comfortable in total darkness, Nino forced himself to stand up, turn on the night lamp, clean himself before returning to his lover’s side. He couldn’t help feeling a bit anxious. Sex was wonderful, but they hadn’t talked at all. About Ohno’s fake amnesia, and the damn fishing tools.
“Oh-chan…” Nino tried. As expected, Ohno didn’t respond, deep in his slumber. Nino pouted and decided that if Ohno was sleeping so soundly, he wasn’t going to be the one up worrying. Sleep came surprisingly easy afterwards.
XXX
Nino woke up at four in the morning to find an empty space next to him. He could feel frustration swirl back in to his head. Ohno only woke up that early for one fucking reason.
Then, as if summoned by the mere thought of it, Ohno suddenly showed up from outside the room, with his usual fishing gears and clothes, along with his favorite hat. He looked like he was about to go fish as usual, except that something felt a bit different at the time. He didn’t look so apologetic and didn’t sneak out of the apartment in a hurry. He just stood there, looking at Nino’s still naked form impassively.
“What?” Nino forced his eyes to open. He would have glared, except that it was four in the fucking morning.
“I’m going to fish now.” Ohno stated calmly, ignoring Nino’s obvious frown, “You okay with that?”
“Sure,” Nino lied easily, “Go ahead.”
“You know you look so cute when you’re lying through your teeth, don’t you?”
Nino opened his mouth to protest, only to find Ohno straddling him, looking at him like he was the most precious thing in the world.
“O---Oh-chan…” Nino widened his eyes, “You’re too close… what are you doing?”
“To think that I went through such trouble for this moment…” Ohno made a pained expression before leaning down to place a kiss on the tip of Nino’s nose, “Happy anniversary, Nino-chan.”
Nino yelped when he felt something cold and metal encircling his forefinger. Then he looked at the silver ring, at Ohno’s self-satisfied face, then back to the ring.
“Oh,” Nino blinked in realization, “Anniversary…”
“….You totally forgot didn’t you?”
Nino watched apologetically as Ohno pushed himself off him and sat on the bed near his feet. The older man’s shoulders were slumped as always, but for some reasons it made him look sad and dejected.
“Oh-chan…?” Nino tested, suddenly feeling like such a jerk, “I’m sorry I forgot. But that’s just how mind-blowing the sex was.”
Ohno let out an involuntary chuckle at that.
“You are such a brat.”
Nino was relieved when Ohno finally looked and smiled at him again.
“To think that you were making such a big deal when I forgot about today last year… maybe I should withhold sex for a week too.”
“That was only for three days!” Nino cut quickly, “I did say a week, but you just had to look so sexy performing your solo dance during our practice… all flushed and sweaty and…”
“And you just couldn’t help yourself,” Ohno grinned cheekily, “Three days then?”
“Oh-chaaaaan…”
At that point, Ohno decided that the only appropriate answer for Nino’s throaty whine was another round of mind-blowing sex.
XXX
OMAKE
“I thought you wanted to fish today?”
Nino was making lunch, only because he was in a really good mood. Both of them had separate work that day, but according to the schedule, they would be able to go home before midnight so Ohno made a reservation in his favorite Japanese Restaurant for two. That way it would feel like a real celebration and Nino wouldn’t be able to whine about how ignorant he had been again.
“I didn’t,” Ohno replied offhandedly as he put down the phone he had just used for confirming his reservation, “Well, I wanted to, but I want today to be special, you know.”
“Oh,” Nino nodded, flipping his pancake with one swift movement. “So, what’s with the Kaibutsu act yesterday?”
“I thought it could be part of my gift for our anniversary,” Ohno shrugged nonchalantly before adding, a bit grudgingly, “After all, you seemed pretty thrilled with Naruse Ryo and Yano Kenta too last year.”
“Satoshi-kun, what did I say about being jealous of fictional characters?”
XXX
Thus, being a dedicated wife lover, Nino felt completely justified to hide Ohno’s fishing toolbox on the top of Jun’s tallest cupboard, among the card boxes which contained some small trinkets which had once been their youngest member’s treasure.
Why on the top of the tallest cupboard; because it was one hidden spot which could have easily been used without having to steal Jun’s whole key set (the apartment manager easily let him inside the apartment after confirming his identity as Nino of Iwojima and ‘Jun’s best-est band-mate’).
Why Jun’s, because that way, even if Ohno ever managed to pinpoint where it was, Nino had figured that the older man would have never whipped up enough courage to confirm it by asking Jun to conduct a search in his apartment.
But you see, currently Nino had a predicament.
Seeing his lover sprawled unconscious on the floor, next to the after-mentioned tall cupboard with Jun’s prized ring collection sets scattered around the floor, he did only the most sensible thing.
Nino saved his game and called for an ambulance.
XXX
YUUKAI-TSUKAI-SATOSHIBUTSU-KUN
By: Ami
Not beta-ed. Yet. Maybe.
Note: NC-17. OHMIYA. BANZAI!
Standard disclaimers apply.
XXX
“A few more inches to the right and this would have had to be surgically removed from your skull,” Nino cheerfully remarked as he showed his recently awakened boyfriend the oversized pointy ring on his index finger. “I guess now you agree with me about the hazards of going fishing?”
Ohno frowned, still looking a bit dazed. And upset. Very upset.
“Alright, alright, it was partly my fault,” Nino sighed, patting Ohno’s thigh through the hospital thin blanket, “I can be a bit manipulative, sly and cheeky sometimes. But those are what you love me for, right? You signed for this the moment we slept together for the first time ages ago.”
Ohno’s expression hardly changed. And if it had changed, it had probably been for the worse.
“Oh-chan…” Nino waved a hand in front of his lover’s face, “You’re mad at me? Come on, say something.”
Nino’s heart almost stopped when Ohno suddenly slapped his wrist away harshly and yelled at him for treating him with disrespect, before yelling some more about his aching head and who the hell Nino was. He seriously thought that it had been over for them, until Ohno looked down at his hospital robe and hysterically asked for his clothes from Kaibutsu Land.
XXX
Sakurai Sho stood in front of Ohmiya’s shared apartment, looking apprehensive more than anything else. In his hand was a paper bag which contained his old rugged suit and his most baggy stripes shirt and he absolutely had no idea why Nino would have begged him so desperately for them.
“Sho-chan!”
Aiba’s cheerful voice turned Sho’s frown in to a smile. As he turned to the other man, he couldn’t help noticing that Aiba was with a bag too. It was his usual bag, but it also seemed more bulge-y than usual.
“Ah, I made it in time! Have you ringed the bell?”
Sho shook his head, still keeping his eyes on the backpack Aiba was carelessly slinging on one arm, “Let me guess… he asked you to bring your worst-looking suit and baggy stripes shirt?”
Aiba made a confused face, “No. It’s my fake lion paws from Shimura Doubutsuen. And my strongest hair sprays.”
That, got Sho to fear for his life even more.
“Ah, yappari,” Jun wore a triumphant grin as he approached his two friends, holding yet another mysterious paper bag, “I knew something was wrong. Now that I see you two here as well, there has to be a camera around here.”
“Eh?” Sho and Aiba wore the same expression.
“This has to be another secret filming, or something,” which would explain Jun’s ‘idol’ appearance that clearly expected a camera to be pointing at his direction. “I sensed something like this the moment Nino called and asked me to bring my tux, my top head and a bottle of tomato juice.”
Aiba looked down at his street clothes, wondering if it was decent enough. Sho had just gone home from filming his new dorama, so at least his hair was still in shape.
“But it’s probably bad if someone finds out about this secret apartment, right?” Sho looked around and scrutinized his surroundings with his hard-boiled, sharp idol eyes. After years and years of being observed by the camera, he thought that he would have been able to spot one instantly, no matter how hidden it was. “I don’t know. I don’t think Nino would let anyone shoot here. We haven’t even been informed about this address until a few hours ago.”
“Let’s just find out,” never losing his vigor, Aiba rang the bell.
XXX
Nino opened the door after one eerie moment of silence. The second youngest member of Arashi’s face was decidedly unreadable. If anything, he was relieved to see them arrive.
“Welcome. Good, good, now come inside,” Nino opened the door and let them inside.
“No, not to the living room, here,” before the three had a chance to look around the newly purchased apartment, Nino ushered them in to the bathroom. The bathroom was supposedly large and luxurious for an apartment of two, but didn’t feel so spacious anymore after four grown men were cramped inside.
“Now take off your clothes,” Nino said casually as he easily freed his houseguests from their respective belongings while they were still gaping at his instruction.
“What the hell?” Jun half-cringed, half-grinned, “Nino, what kind of joke is this? Is there a camera around?”
“What? A camera? Here in my sacred secret headquarters?” Nino made a face as if the mere thought of it made him nauseous. “Don’t be ridiculous guys. Come on, let’s not waste time! Strip!”
“Look, Nino,” Sho seemed scandalized at what he was about to say, “I don’t care if it’s our fans wildest fantasy, but Arashi is not having an orgy! Imagine how awkward it will be for us after! I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t be able to look at you guys in the face again for sure!”
The second youngest member of Arashi looked stunned for a moment, before bursting out in hearty laughter, followed by the other two. As for Sho, the moment would later be remembered as the second most embarrassing moment in his life (the first one apparently had something to do with a drunk Sho and a piano).
“Okay, actually we don’t have time for explanation, so I’ll make this quick (just so Sho-san wouldn’t expect anything else),” Nino sighed resignedly as he rested his back on the sink and folded his arms in front of his chest, “To make the long story short, I hid Oh-chan’s fishing tools in Jun’s apartment, and he hurt himself trying to retrieve it.”
Jun looked like he was about to protest, but quickly closed his mouth again because more than anything he wanted to hear how Ohno hurting himself ended with them having to strip.
“So, he hurt his head. The doctors said they didn’t know what’s wrong with him, except that right now he seems pretty sure that he is a Kaibutsu prince from Kaibutsu Land and he wants his three attendants back.”
XXX
Three Arashi members, dressed in costumes which would have been hilarious enough for one whole HnA SP episode, entered the bedroom in which they found one Kaibutsu prince sulking on the large double bed. Sho was wearing his old faded blue suit and striped shirt, still sulking about the permanent marker Nino used for drawing a slanted ‘scar’ vertically over his left eye. Aiba looked rather cute with his lion paws, and seemed to like his new wild hairstyle Nino had emptied his hairspray for. Jun looked mostly relieved that his costumes turned out to be the least odd one among the three.
Sho almost gasped when he realized that Kaibutsu-kun’s one leg was shackled to the bedpost. He almost opened his mouth to ask, before deciding that he didn’t really want to know what Nino usually used those chains for.
“Well,” Nino answered to his friends’ scandalized looks, “You try taking care of a national idol who insists that he is a Kaibutsu Prince and wants to walk out in public with that bright costumes!”
“Hey!” Ohno stood up---only to stumble back down as the chains weren’t long enough to support his movement. Somehow he managed to look both angry and cute, the way Kaibutsu-kun did.
“You! Kidnapper! You have to be Demorina’s underling! Let me go at once you hear me!”
Nino rubbed his forehead tiredly, “How many times do I have to tell you: I, Ninomiya Kazunari, am no one’s underling. In fact, I am Demokin-sama, disguised as a very handsome young idol.”
“Demokin-sama is larger than you!”
Aiba giggled at that comeback.
“You most definitely haven’t just said that!” Nino suddenly snapped and marched towards his equally irate lover, “And how would you know Matsuoka-senpai’s size anyway you slut!”
“Ano… Nino…” Sho hesitantly raised his hand, “I don’t think that’s what he meant by ‘big’…”
“Anyway, Young Master, this is I, werewolf-zama---I mean---gansu!” Aiba cheerfully started while Jun kept observing the scene with morbid interest.
“Were you looking for us?”
Four Arashi members held their breaths as their leader took in the situation and gave each of them one hard, long stare.
“You…” Ohno narrowed his eyes at Sho, who slid himself behind Aiba defensively, “Franken?”
“Yes---I mean, Funga!” Sho cringed as he realized that it was about as articulate as he could ever get with Ohno from the time on. How was he supposed to remind their leader to sleep more regularly and eat more vegetables with only one variation of word?
“And…” Ohno shifted his eyes to Aiba, who was waving at him with the same smile he usually reserved for wild animals he had yet to tame, “Werewolf?”
“Yep this is me-gansu!”
“Bo-chan!” Jun suddenly shrieked, making his other three members jump in surprise, “Where have you been-zamasu?! We were looking for you all over the place!”
“Dracula!” Ohno suddenly looked immensely relieved, “Thank God you’re here! Come and release me! Demorina has---”
“DEMOKIN-SAMA---“ Nino’s face was flushed with anger.
“---kidnapped me and told me that I am not a prince!” Ohno stubbornly continued.
“If you are a prince then I am Bill-fucking-Gates!” Nino belatedly realized that even the non-amnesiac Ohno would have probably not known who Bill Gates was as he pressed his palms on his face in frustration. “Sho-chan, suddenly I feel sick. I’m leaving him to you.”
With that, Nino shuffled out of the room, pointedly ignoring Sho’s woeful expression.
“At least give me the keys to his shackles please!”
XXX
A few hours later, five Arashi members who were supposed to be causing storm all over the world finally settled down. Ohno, having been fed with various nonsense excuses from Jun, finally agreed that:
1. Nino wasn’t Demorina (in-disguise) or Demokin’s underling who was supposed to trap him in his evil lair (he was still pretty suspicious, though)
2. He had lost his magical cap (Aiba hid it when the other two distracted the older man), which had somehow made him allergic to direct sunlight, thus he wasn’t supposed to leave the apartment until the sun set
3. Franken had learned to talk from watching too much News Zero
Nino, who still refused to stay in the same room as his insane lover, was grudgingly cooking curry rice in the kitchen, only because Ohno kept complaining about being hungry, Jun happened to be the only person who could communicate with Ohno properly, Aiba’s hands were worthless with the fake paws on, and Sho couldn’t cook anything more complicated than a sandwich.
For the time being, Ohno seemed pretty occupied with Nino’s Wii, looking happy and energetic among his ‘attendants’.
“Fuck,” Nino gritted his teeth as he heard another whoop of joy from the living room, chopping the onion with unnecessary force. It was supposed to be one rare day off he had been looking forward to, and instead of spending quality time with his lover, he was stuck in the kitchen, cooking for five. He didn’t really mind cooking for a show or Arashi members exclusively, but it was his day off and he had thought they would have been eating some fancy meal from Ohno’s favorite Japanese Restaurant by the time. The day had started out real good too. Until his jerk of a boyfriend had decided to seek out his fishing tools instead of spending a quiet, lazy holiday with him.
“I knew it, he wanted to fish today,” The actor stopped working furiously for a moment to take a deep breath. All things considered, at least Nino had managed to foil the older man’s plan to fish that day. That alone was good enough. Or not.
“Hmmm…”
Nino looked up and widened his eyes as he noticed that Ohno had suddenly appeared near the open door, peering inside cautiously.
“What?” Nino asked curtly.
“Nothing,” Ohno quickly responded, looking offended, “I was just wondering if the food was ready. But I guess you are too useless to finish quickly.”
“Useless----“
Ohno took a step backward when he realized that someone who could glare the way Nino did most probably could throw that dangerous-looking big knife at his direction as well.
“It will be ready when it is,” Nino turned his eyes back to the ingredients he was chopping in an attempt to distract his hands from strangling the life out of his boyfriend, “You keep bugging me will only delay my work. Go back inside. I’ll call you when it’s ready.”
Surprisingly, Kaibutsu-kun easily obeyed and nodded with a defeated expression. As he turned around to leave, Nino thought he could faintly hear a growling sound coming from the older man’s direction. And that’s when all of his resolves to make his lover pay for what he had gone through that day crumbled. Fast.
XXX
“Here,”
Ohno looked up and found himself face-to-face with a tube of potato chips. He was more interested in the hand which was holding it, though. It smelled like curry.
“You’d better not eat too much of those, though. You’ll definitely regret ditching my wonderful cooking over this.”
XXX
“Curry, SAIKOUUUU!”
Nino wondered if he should be clutching his head in frustration or swelling with pride at that. He had put more effort in to his cooking this time, and he didn’t even know why he had bothered to do so.
“This is really delicious,” Jun seemed immensely impressed that he had forgotten to keep up his ‘zamasu’, “Ninomiya you are one fantastic cook.”
“Can I have seconds?” Aiba asked sheepishly, while Sho looked too preoccupied with his food that he had neglected the fact that Nino had especially picked out a bright pink mug for his drink, gifted by Haruna Ai some time during one of the variety shows Nino had attended for promoting his movie.
“Go ahead,” Nino shrugged and gestured to the direction of the kitchen, “Rice cooker’s over there. I think there’s some rice left.”
Aiba gave him one grateful nod before leaving the table for his second serving.
“I’m done.”
Despite his rave review, the Kaibutsu Prince stopped eating after finishing his first plate, Just like the usual Ohno, Nino noticed, and left the table quietly afterwards.
“I knew it,” Nino smirked, catching the attention of his two band mates, “He is just faking it. He did not really lose his memory, didn’t he?”
“Why would you think so?” Jun asked offhandedly.
“Other than exaggerated actions, he is still Oh-chan after all,” Nino sighed, putting down his spoon although he had barely eaten, “You know what, I think he is just trying to teach me a lesson for hiding his fishing equipment.”
“I don’t think so!” Aiba reappeared in the dining room, bringing back a large mound of rice on his place. Sho scooped some in to his own plate immediately after Aiba put it down on the table.
“Riida wouldn’t do something like that to Nino because he hates to make Nino worry!”
Nino frowned, “Well it’s kind of the point. He is trying to punish me. Of course he wants me to suffer.”
“Then there has to be another reason,” Aiba looked very serious with his words, “Even if it’s true that Riida faked everything, he wouldn’t have done it for making Nino suffer. There has to be another reason.”
Nino laughed bitterly, “Don’t I look like I’m suffering right now?”
“All the better then!” Aiba was practically glowing with positive energy, “He is about to give you something which would make all your sufferings feel like nothing!”
Nino looked thoughtful for a moment, before finally scooping another spoonful of rice.
“It has better be one hell of a good lay.”
XXX
Nino and the three other members made an agreement that if Ohno didn’t ask to go ‘home’ after the sun set, it would be safe for the them to leave so Nino and Ohno could properly and privately proceed with the ‘kiss and make up’ routine. It helped that Ohno stopped bothering to stay in character after dinner, returning to his usual quiet self as he blankly stared at the TV with a slight pout. At exactly 6.01 PM, Jun, Aiba and Sho excused themselves. They knew everything was going to be okay because Ohno didn’t protest when Jun came up with a blatant nonsense of a reason for them to go home without him. Nino glanced at Ohno’s slumped back before escorting his friends out to the front door and bidding them good bye. He was just wondering what sort of opening sentence would be proper for his current situation when his surroundings suddenly turned pitch-black dark. And he felt a pair of arms sliding around his waist, pulling him until his back felt the familiar warmth.
“Oh-chan…” Nino smiled in to the dark.
“Call me Young Master.”
Nino shivered at the sensual whisper, just next to his ear. The younger man experimentally reached behind him, letting his hand slide against Ohno’s bare skin, and that’s when he realized that it wasn’t just the regular Ohno behind him. It was a more-than-ready, butt-naked Ohno. Nino’s pants instantly tightened in anticipation.
“I knew it, you are Demorina’s underling.” Nino tried to protest, but was cut off short as Ohno’s hand lowered down his waist, now pressing against his hard-on.
“Satoshi… please…” Nino moaned, “Stop playing the game…”
“You are so, so sly…” Ohno ignored him and continued to message his arousal through his pants, “You think I wouldn’t find out? I am a Kaibutsu Prince you know… I can see through your trickery…”
Nino frowned and groaned softly, coming up with no appropriate word to… he didn’t even want Ohno to stop. He might as well play along. This was going to be one hell of a lay. He just knew it.
“Yes… you saw right through me…” Nino bit his bottom lip, closing his eyes. There was no point keeping them open in the darkness anyway. “I thought you were just a stupid, spoiled prince… but… AHHHHHHH”
“You’d better watch that sharp mouth of yours,” Nino could feel Ohno’s smile on his neck, “Your life is in my hands now… mine…”
“Ohhhh…” Nino arched backward, leaning the back of his head against Ohno’s shoulder, baring his neck for the other man to kiss, nip, and lick, “I hate you…”
Ohno’s voice was almost too sincere to be in character when he replied, “And I love you too.”
XXX
The next sequence of events were decidedly blurry in Nino’s passion-clouded mind. He wasn’t sure how they could have reached the bed in the darkness, but Ohno must have planned this little detail so it had been made possible. As Ohno had been naked right from the start, Nino’s hands were free to roam around while his leader was relieving him of his entire attires, leaving only his socks on. Ohno’s butt muscles felt even better when the other man was all hot and bothered, compared to when Ohno was yawning and spacing out during filming.
“Nino…” Ohno must have momentarily slipped out of character as he ran his hands over his lover’s smooth skin, wanting to feel everything since his eyes could hardly function in the total darkness. The heightened sensation was spectacular too, thanks to the same darkness which had made it impossible for them to do it ‘the normal way’.
“Oh-chan…” Nino moaned loudly with that voice which almost drove Ohno crazy. So Ohno decided to silence the other man because it would be downright humiliating to come with the aid of that voice alone.
“Ummmffffhhhh”
Nino wondered why he still bothered to talk with Ohno’s mouth pressing insistently against his, but muffled sounds still came out anyway. They only quickly turned in to muffled shrieks when he felt Ohno’s warm hand gently taking hold of his manhood, giving it just the right pressure at the right spot. He could hardly breathe.
“So tell me…” Ohno suddenly spoke while keeping his hand moving up and down the other man’s member, “Will you surrender now?”
“Aah… Aaaah….” Nino arched his back, gripping on the blanket tightly, focusing only at the sensation of Ohno’s warm hand on his quivering hard on.
Realizing that he was probably not going to get an answer soon, Ohno stopped trying and focused only on driving the other man crazy with lust. As his hand continued to pump Nino’s member, his lips wandered on Nino’s neck and chest area, pressing kisses left and right, licking, nipping, giving extra attention to Nino’s taut nipples. Just when Nino thought it couldn’t get better, he felt an incredible wet and hot sensation enveloping the tip of his member.
“OH!” Nino buckled and trembled at the feeling, “OH! OOOH!”
“You are especially loud tonight,” Ohno somehow managed to amusedly point it out despite having his mouth occupied, “I should have pulled this earlier.”
Nino agreed, but he wasn’t feeling particularly eloquent at the moment.
“Oh---chan---“
Ohno hmmm-ed around Nino’s member, causing the other man to moan some more.
“I---about to----“
“I know,” Ohno quickened his pace, “You can come.”
Nino widened his eyes, “But you haven’t---“
Ohno pushed the younger man further in to the mattress, licking and sucking and doing all those things with his wicked tongue, faster and faster. Nino was left with no choice but to submit to the intense pleasure, lying on his back, feeling his release spill all over. Although Ohno didn’t exactly kept his mouth there as he orgasmed, the older man’s face had to still be close by. That made Nino’s release felt even more intense than usual.
“Oh-chan…” Nino managed to choke out as Ohno slid back up, facing him. He could feel the man’s short breaths on his neck, “Have you…”
“If you… could…” Ohno let out a soft moan. At that point, Nino could feel Ohno’s hand moving on his own strained erection. Wasting no time, Nino sat up and pushed the older man flat on his back, reversing their positions. Then he returned all the favors with everything he had, his hands, his mouth, until he felt Ohno’s last restraint broke down along with the remaining of his Kaibutsu-kun masquerade. After it was over, Nino was satisfied to be left alone with one Ohno Satoshi, his leader, his companion, his beautiful lover.
Soon, the older man’s breaths evened out. Ohno could never stay awake for long after sex, he was even too lazy to clean himself up. Not feeling really comfortable in total darkness, Nino forced himself to stand up, turn on the night lamp, clean himself before returning to his lover’s side. He couldn’t help feeling a bit anxious. Sex was wonderful, but they hadn’t talked at all. About Ohno’s fake amnesia, and the damn fishing tools.
“Oh-chan…” Nino tried. As expected, Ohno didn’t respond, deep in his slumber. Nino pouted and decided that if Ohno was sleeping so soundly, he wasn’t going to be the one up worrying. Sleep came surprisingly easy afterwards.
XXX
Nino woke up at four in the morning to find an empty space next to him. He could feel frustration swirl back in to his head. Ohno only woke up that early for one fucking reason.
Then, as if summoned by the mere thought of it, Ohno suddenly showed up from outside the room, with his usual fishing gears and clothes, along with his favorite hat. He looked like he was about to go fish as usual, except that something felt a bit different at the time. He didn’t look so apologetic and didn’t sneak out of the apartment in a hurry. He just stood there, looking at Nino’s still naked form impassively.
“What?” Nino forced his eyes to open. He would have glared, except that it was four in the fucking morning.
“I’m going to fish now.” Ohno stated calmly, ignoring Nino’s obvious frown, “You okay with that?”
“Sure,” Nino lied easily, “Go ahead.”
“You know you look so cute when you’re lying through your teeth, don’t you?”
Nino opened his mouth to protest, only to find Ohno straddling him, looking at him like he was the most precious thing in the world.
“O---Oh-chan…” Nino widened his eyes, “You’re too close… what are you doing?”
“To think that I went through such trouble for this moment…” Ohno made a pained expression before leaning down to place a kiss on the tip of Nino’s nose, “Happy anniversary, Nino-chan.”
Nino yelped when he felt something cold and metal encircling his forefinger. Then he looked at the silver ring, at Ohno’s self-satisfied face, then back to the ring.
“Oh,” Nino blinked in realization, “Anniversary…”
“….You totally forgot didn’t you?”
Nino watched apologetically as Ohno pushed himself off him and sat on the bed near his feet. The older man’s shoulders were slumped as always, but for some reasons it made him look sad and dejected.
“Oh-chan…?” Nino tested, suddenly feeling like such a jerk, “I’m sorry I forgot. But that’s just how mind-blowing the sex was.”
Ohno let out an involuntary chuckle at that.
“You are such a brat.”
Nino was relieved when Ohno finally looked and smiled at him again.
“To think that you were making such a big deal when I forgot about today last year… maybe I should withhold sex for a week too.”
“That was only for three days!” Nino cut quickly, “I did say a week, but you just had to look so sexy performing your solo dance during our practice… all flushed and sweaty and…”
“And you just couldn’t help yourself,” Ohno grinned cheekily, “Three days then?”
“Oh-chaaaaan…”
At that point, Ohno decided that the only appropriate answer for Nino’s throaty whine was another round of mind-blowing sex.
XXX
OMAKE
“I thought you wanted to fish today?”
Nino was making lunch, only because he was in a really good mood. Both of them had separate work that day, but according to the schedule, they would be able to go home before midnight so Ohno made a reservation in his favorite Japanese Restaurant for two. That way it would feel like a real celebration and Nino wouldn’t be able to whine about how ignorant he had been again.
“I didn’t,” Ohno replied offhandedly as he put down the phone he had just used for confirming his reservation, “Well, I wanted to, but I want today to be special, you know.”
“Oh,” Nino nodded, flipping his pancake with one swift movement. “So, what’s with the Kaibutsu act yesterday?”
“I thought it could be part of my gift for our anniversary,” Ohno shrugged nonchalantly before adding, a bit grudgingly, “After all, you seemed pretty thrilled with Naruse Ryo and Yano Kenta too last year.”
“Satoshi-kun, what did I say about being jealous of fictional characters?”
XXX