Confessions of a Birthday Girl
Then close your eyes and clap your heels together three times, and think to yourself,
'There's no place like home.
There's no place like home.
There's no place like home.'
-- Glinda the Good Witch;
The Wizard of Oz
Sept. 14, 2013 (PST)
I got to talk to my dad and my older brother, Luke, over at FaceTime using my brother, Adam's iPod. My dad was saying that there was a celebration over at our house on that day. It was the 15th in the Philippines already. (I actually claimed I had my birthday on this day)
It's our thing. Almost every month, all the family members at my Dad's side over in Manila will go to our house for a celebration. We usually get together just to celebrate whoever has their birthdays. You know the cliche Filipino family gathering. Yes, we do that! And I am not ashamed of it. I'm actually very lucky to experience it!
Then it hit me... Hit me like the wrecking ball that Miley Cyrus sat naked on. It was my first birthday where I don't celebrate at home and be the host. I cried about it. It was the first time I had my birthday not in the Philippines and without my family complete. And I completely loathed it.
I miss my dad. We're not very close to the sense that I tell him everything, but he's still my dad, and I'm a daddy's girl since I was born. I truly miss my annoying gigantic of a brother too. I even teased him that he looks like a titan from Shingeki no Kyojin, just because his stomach is so big for it to pass as a titan...
I also miss my titos and titas.... I just miss the way they ask whatever is going on with our lives and seems interested of what I say...
Sept. 15, 2013 (PST)
Twenty-one years old.
FUCK!
Independence and Freedom -- If I'm not mistaken, that's what twenty-one-year-olds feel, especially in this 'free' country. I guess, not for me... That's fine. I'm not American anyway.
After picking up my mom from work, we bought ice cream, a cake, and pizza. The pizza took it's time thus arriving home a little late than usual. And rather than celebrating my birthday, I felt stupid and guilty just because my brother heard my uncle saying, "Dapat tumigil kayo sa kalokohang yan kundi mapapasubo kayo."
Yup, thanks for the greeting!
I don't want to share anything about what happened. But at the end of the day, I was crying. Bro even served my dinner to my room because I refuse to go out because my eyes were swollen because of crying. But the reason for crying wasn't that one only...
Okaa-san (nenemaru_18) greeted me on my Facebook timeline with our picture and a message: "I'm so sorry anak... I've been busy with a lot of things... I might be late in Philippine time but not in there...HAPPY BIRTHDAY Sayuri~!!!!!!!!!!"
That's when the tears started, when I saw this. Reading and rereading the first statement, "I'm so sorry anak..." Anak.
Shit!
I missed her, I missed the people who bothered to tamper my timeline and greet me. I cried while reading the messages my aunts gave me. The cliche birthday greetings from friends and family from my dad's side but they really knew that it was on this day. And I smiled, I actually laughed when sempai Reno (renovati) share this to me on my wall:
and then cried again. And cried some more... Then I prayed. I thanked the Lord for my 21 years. I wasn't really happy but I still thanked God that I'm still here. Whatever is happening in my life right now, I'm still thankful that I have these people tampering my timeline, people that I can't think of anything to reply...
I want to be with these people. I really want to go home. Because even though I'm living in a house with my family... I never felt I was home. This is not how I know about 'family'. I want to live with my brothers and my parents. I want to come and go at the Nami office, saying hi or ja-ne to Nami-jins--SCRATCH THAT--I need to go home! I miss commuting! I miss the polluted air of Manila... I miss the people jaywalking in the highway. Being here... I don't see people... because I see cars. And it just feels so empty seeing no one on the streets.
There's no place like home...
I wish it was that easy.
I've been watching Zettai Kareshi, the jdorama. And every time the ending theme is coming on, I always watch it. Not because I want to see clips of the drama and not only because of the epic-ness of the video but also because I'm in love with the song. I've been singing Okaeri by Ayaka a lot. And it totally fit!
*sigh*
I really want to say, "Tadaima"...
'There's no place like home.
There's no place like home.
There's no place like home.'
-- Glinda the Good Witch;
The Wizard of Oz
Sept. 14, 2013 (PST)
I got to talk to my dad and my older brother, Luke, over at FaceTime using my brother, Adam's iPod. My dad was saying that there was a celebration over at our house on that day. It was the 15th in the Philippines already. (I actually claimed I had my birthday on this day)
It's our thing. Almost every month, all the family members at my Dad's side over in Manila will go to our house for a celebration. We usually get together just to celebrate whoever has their birthdays. You know the cliche Filipino family gathering. Yes, we do that! And I am not ashamed of it. I'm actually very lucky to experience it!
Then it hit me... Hit me like the wrecking ball that Miley Cyrus sat naked on. It was my first birthday where I don't celebrate at home and be the host. I cried about it. It was the first time I had my birthday not in the Philippines and without my family complete. And I completely loathed it.
I miss my dad. We're not very close to the sense that I tell him everything, but he's still my dad, and I'm a daddy's girl since I was born. I truly miss my annoying gigantic of a brother too. I even teased him that he looks like a titan from Shingeki no Kyojin, just because his stomach is so big for it to pass as a titan...
I also miss my titos and titas.... I just miss the way they ask whatever is going on with our lives and seems interested of what I say...
Sept. 15, 2013 (PST)
Twenty-one years old.
FUCK!
Independence and Freedom -- If I'm not mistaken, that's what twenty-one-year-olds feel, especially in this 'free' country. I guess, not for me... That's fine. I'm not American anyway.
After picking up my mom from work, we bought ice cream, a cake, and pizza. The pizza took it's time thus arriving home a little late than usual. And rather than celebrating my birthday, I felt stupid and guilty just because my brother heard my uncle saying, "Dapat tumigil kayo sa kalokohang yan kundi mapapasubo kayo."
Yup, thanks for the greeting!
I don't want to share anything about what happened. But at the end of the day, I was crying. Bro even served my dinner to my room because I refuse to go out because my eyes were swollen because of crying. But the reason for crying wasn't that one only...
Okaa-san (nenemaru_18) greeted me on my Facebook timeline with our picture and a message: "I'm so sorry anak... I've been busy with a lot of things... I might be late in Philippine time but not in there...HAPPY BIRTHDAY Sayuri~!!!!!!!!!!"
That's when the tears started, when I saw this. Reading and rereading the first statement, "I'm so sorry anak..." Anak.
Shit!
I missed her, I missed the people who bothered to tamper my timeline and greet me. I cried while reading the messages my aunts gave me. The cliche birthday greetings from friends and family from my dad's side but they really knew that it was on this day. And I smiled, I actually laughed when sempai Reno (renovati) share this to me on my wall:
and then cried again. And cried some more... Then I prayed. I thanked the Lord for my 21 years. I wasn't really happy but I still thanked God that I'm still here. Whatever is happening in my life right now, I'm still thankful that I have these people tampering my timeline, people that I can't think of anything to reply...
I want to be with these people. I really want to go home. Because even though I'm living in a house with my family... I never felt I was home. This is not how I know about 'family'. I want to live with my brothers and my parents. I want to come and go at the Nami office, saying hi or ja-ne to Nami-jins--SCRATCH THAT--I need to go home! I miss commuting! I miss the polluted air of Manila... I miss the people jaywalking in the highway. Being here... I don't see people... because I see cars. And it just feels so empty seeing no one on the streets.
There's no place like home...
I wish it was that easy.
I've been watching Zettai Kareshi, the jdorama. And every time the ending theme is coming on, I always watch it. Not because I want to see clips of the drama and not only because of the epic-ness of the video but also because I'm in love with the song. I've been singing Okaeri by Ayaka a lot. And it totally fit!
Click to view*sigh*
I really want to say, "Tadaima"...