(no subject)
People always tell me I'm strong and i hate that inside i know im not. I can't handle things anymore and the fact that im only 17 and ready to give up on people sucks. Why is it that things all around you can be perfect, im into a good college that is giving me $21,800 a year, I am pretty good in school, my friends are back and im closer than ever with them, I have a great boyfriend, and i get to go to New York in two weeks, but still with him like this i cant enjoy any of it. Somehow he has this incredible way of controlling me even after being broken up for three months, with one witty sentence he speaks it digs into my skin and i cant help but cry, laugh, scream, and just die. I am aware of it but still i let this bitch who hit me control my emotions and tear apart my heart. Seriously a sophomore you have to date a sophomore to justify yourself, wow you are cool. You know I am aware of the fact that i am just as lame as him to say these things but i cant help it at all. Then again im not going to say this to anyone but this live journal community so eh i dont feel as pathetic. Even though i am i am a cliche girl who still has feelings for a man who beat her up. This once again brings me to the realization about how i am not strong at all. He got exactly what he wanted, a life, an easy girl friend, and my heart break. I hope he is happy, yet i can almost gaurentee that he is not. I hope he is, this pain he is making me feel is so much more unbearable than anything i have yet to feel and i wouldnt wish it upon anyone even him. In this incident there is no bigger person we are both still sitting here rolling the dice to play a game that has no definition of winning, i dont think either of us knows exactly how to accomplish the victory. i guess mine will be when i am over him and i can sit in the same room as him and not cry. That would be fabulous untill then I am going to go treat myself to a new DVD series, a bunch of junk food, and a great cry.