(no subject)
I used to write in a journal everyday and that was freshman year, i have no idea what I wrote about did i really have that much going on in my mind? Well maybe i did and i also had the time to do it, I know im not working, or have an emensly hard schedule but it still feels hard to find time for myself, meaning being alone and not around anyone. Senior year is going okay but the thing is it doesnt feel any different its only a game of anticipation seeing the gown ordering forms and everthing like that, i just want to get out of school go to college. Now that i think about it i wrote so much as a freshman because nothing was happening but everyday thins, i hate writing about things now because it hurts and letting people in is hard for me now. I know i have good friends that will listen and be there for everything and anything but its just after a year of being in a relationship that i was so selfishly sucked into i feel a little awkward leaning on people that i neglected. This break up is hard and its weird. I remember with Cameron I just cried, i layed there and cried nothing else, for six days straight. Thats pathetic, i was 15. But with this one, the one that lasted very close to a year, the one where i spent every waking moment together, the one that i lost my virginity to, this one isnt hard at all, i dont find myself crying and I didnt even need a whole day of crying just a night and then it was over. I think it was the way it ended I always thought a deffinite ending would hurt more but i was wrong having that event that just spelt out the end really helped. Anyway it has been 2 weeks and 2 days since it has been over and it brings so many mixed emotions, i have been finding life to be easier, school isnt has hectic and i have been doing noticibly better at it. Along with that i have been discovering new emotions, Its weird being with someone who you know is into you for all the right reasons and who is perfect to you and for you. Jumping into things quickly i know isnt the best idea but i know myself and i know that this isnt just something that means nothing.