Dimond in the rough
I have this feeling that not everything in my life is looking as smooth as I try to make it look. I live with 5 people and they are all great...but I dont want them to really know who I am. They wouldnt understand. They would think I am dumb for feeling the way I do about Clay and myself and of them. I wish I wasnt so judgemental all the time. I just cant take it anymore judging what everyone does all the time is hard work after a while. My heart feels weird. I think its broken. Clay is far away again and we were planning on going to school together next year, which I have been looking forward to since my senior year of highschool. Today he breaks the news that he wants to stay in Salt lake for another year. I hate Salt lake. It sucks. He wants me to go live with him for the summer. I would love to but I have these things called parents, which he seems to think do not influence my life. I feel like I couldnt leave my mom with my dad right now. I really think he is having an affair. He goes out like 3 to 4 times a week and doesnt come home on fridays until 3 am or later. My mom spent last sunday calling hospitals looking for him. She later found out where he was when he appeard at 9 am in the kitchen. " I was sleeping in my car, I parked in the shade so I didnt wake up" give me a break I just dont believe that his car could have been so comfertable that he just couldnt wake up. Whatever. My sister left when she was 18 and she hasnt been back. I will be 20 this summer...why do I feel like I must be the one to make sure my parents are happy? For those of you who read this and dont know me I used to be bulimic and the last two years have been pretty good. I slipped up a few times but nothing to worry about...but lately I have had the urge to do it again and I dont know why. Bulimia is the weirdest disease. I honestly dont think I am fat and Im really not THAT stressed out...Humm I dont know I will try my hardest to be good. I hope the monster stays away
" Oh darling its so sweet you think you know how crazy I am"