In the Deep and Down (2/2)

[alwayseven]

[ Master post ]

Jared understands that his and Chad’s friendship doesn’t fall under the definition of ‘normal.’ They became friends when they were too young to realize boys don’t really act so physical with each other, aren’t really supposed to share every detail of their lives with one another.

The result is a fucked up kind of codependence that makes it difficult for Jared to keep anything to himself.

He showers after Jensen leaves and he’s barely pulled the curtain shut when the door opens and Chad lets himself in.

Jared ignores him. Ignoring Chad is the first rule in being friends with him. Jared’s learned this time and again, always the hard way.

He’s not even surprised when Chad pulls the curtain back and stands there in old boxers and a torn up wife beater, looking at Jared like he’s appraising an old car. It’s par for the course and Jared just turns his back and keeps soaping himself.

“So Jensen spent the night,” Chad says finally, sitting up on the edge of the sink. “That’s pretty serious.”

Chad’s poking at Jared, Jared sees it, but Chad isn’t wrong. It shouldn’t mean anything that Jensen fell asleep in Jared’s bed and woke up there the following morning. Jared thought he’d be more uneasy by it, but given what he’s figuring out about himself, it seems like a waste of time.

Jared moves to grab the shampoo and doesn’t get there because Chad reaches out lightening fast and catches his wrist.

Jared hisses and tries to pull away. It aches. Chad just digs his fingers in and doesn’t let go.

“Jesus,” Chad says, looking from Jared’s bruised skin up to Jared’s face. “That’s pretty kinky, JT. Didn’t know you had it in you.”

“Yeah, well,” Jared mumbles, not the smart ass comment he’d been hoping for. He didn’t either. It’s all new and shocking as shit to him.

Chad lets go and leans back against the counter. Jared hides under the hot spray of water. “Were you into it?” Chad asks suddenly. He’s uncharacteristically quiet and this is the Chad who worries about Jared and isn’t trying to hide it.

Jared washes the soap out of his hair and turns to look at Chad, water streaming down his face. “Yes,” he tells him.

Chad looks at him for a long moment, scrutinizing Jared the way he does when he’s looking for bullshit. “Okay,” Chad says. “That’s good, then. I’m into a little kinky shit myself,” he says with a wide, filthy grin and things are back to normal.

* * *

It’s a long day. Jared suffers through two classes, distracted by the bruises on his wrists, by the memories from last night, by the possibilities wandering through his head.

He pulls a six hour shift at the bookstore with the intention of getting most of his homework out of the way for the weekend. He gets half of it done which isn’t bad given how frequently his brain wanders, how often he stops to touch his wrist.

He takes a long shower, gets himself as clean as he can, and thinks about being in the shower with Jensen last night. It’s hot, the way Jensen went from being in command all toppy as shit to gently taking care of him. It makes him wonder what else they have yet to learn about each other.

He dresses in old jeans and a button-down shirt, eats a bowl of cereal standing at the sink, and leaves a note for Chad not to expect him home.

He’s at Jensen’s doorstep a few minutes before eight. He’s not sure what he’s feeling. Anticipation, definitely. A bundle of nerves that makes him feel like he might throw up. The last time he was this nervous was the night he showed up at Jensen’s place seven months ago and told him he wanted to give the two of them a shot.

There’s nothing all that different between then and tonight but it feels like everything’s changed.

Jensen opens the door at Jared’s knock. He’s in bare feet, jeans and a dark blue undershirt that makes his eyes look even more green. He’s freshly showered, hair still damp.

“Hey,” Jensen says. His eyes go crinkled soft at the corners when he sees Jared. He tugs Jared into his apartment, shuts the door behind him and gives him a slow, searching kiss.

When he steps back, it’s to tangle his fingers in Jared’s and pull him down the dimly lit hallway towards his bedroom. Jared’s been here dozens of times but it’s different now. It feels like the beginning all over again.

The room is cast in a warm glow from the lamps at either side of the bed, filling the space with a sort of intimacy.

Jensen lets go of Jared’s hand and sprawls out on the bed. “Come here with me.” He pats the space beside him. Like this, he looks nothing like the popular porn star Jared first had sex with. He looks like Jensen, like his boyfriend, who’s maybe just as nervous as Jared.

That’s enough for Jared, he realizes. That this is a big deal for Jensen, too, this trust between them that they’re discovering. That’s all he needs. He kicks out of his flip flops and climbs up on the bed, rolling to his side to face Jensen.

Jensen curves his palm to the shape of Jared’s jaw. “We won’t do anything until you’re ready,” he says softly. “Before we start, tell me your safe word.” The last part comes out in a whisper that Jared feels against his skin.

That aspect of this completely slipped Jared’s mind. He says the first word that comes to mind. “Volcano.” It sounds silly out loud when he says it and he thinks maybe that’s the point, something to break through and get their attention that things need to stop.

“Okay,” Jensen agrees. “Volcano. Think about it, memorize it.” He touches Jared’s jaw, cupping his chin and tilting so Jared’s looking square at him. “If anything, anything feels like it’s too much, or if there’s something you don’t like, tell me. And we’ll stop, no questions asked, no judgement. Okay?”

“Okay,” Jared says quietly.

“Okay. Now come here and kiss me,” Jensen says, breaking into a wide grin. Jared smiles back and lets Jensen push him back against the pillows. He tilts his chin up for Jensen and huffs when Jensen licks at his lips, pushes his tongue in and kisses Jared as thoroughly as Jared’s ever been kissed in his life.

Jared is a physically affectionate person. He’s always expressed his feelings through touch. Kissing might be his favorite thing though, heated, intense kissing, slow making out, the post-orgasmic press of lips.

At some point in the last seven months, Jensen has figured that out about Jared and now he’s using it against him, kissing him all leisurely and methodically, melting Jared’s nerves and reducing him to a lethargic mess.

Jared palms Jensen’s hips, slips his fingertips underneath Jensen’s t-shirt and strokes at his skin. This is good. Jensen knows what he’s doing, working Jared up.

They make out like that for a long while, long enough that Jared’s almost forgotten that this wasn’t the point of tonight. He feels it when the shift happens. Jensen goes into that place he occupied last night. He pushes his hand into Jared’s hair, curls his fingers and tugs enough to break the kiss, Jared’s head falling back against the pillows.

“Pay attention,” he says in that same low, commanding voice. His eyes are dark, glinting in the low light. “If you’re good for me,” Jensen tells him, cupping Jared’s jaw with a firm grip and holding eye contact, “and do as I say, I’ll let you come.” Jared swallows hard but doesn’t move. “Disobey me,” Jensen’s voice dips lower, “and I’ll have to punish you.”

Jesus, Jensen is so fucking hot like this. Jared still can’t believe this is his boyfriend.

“Tell me you understand,” Jensen says forcefully. He tightens his grip on Jared’s jaw.

Fuck. “Yes,” Jared mumbles, “I understand.”

“Good.” Jensen lets go of Jared and stands abruptly, pulling Jared with him.

“Get undressed,” he instructs. He takes a seat opposite the bed, sitting low in the chair with his thighs spread, looking hungry and slightly predatory. Jared wants to climb him, straddle his legs and beg Jensen to fuck him.

Jared works at the buttons of his shirt, gets it open and pushes it off. Jensen’s watching him with this calm, unreadable expression on his face but it’s impossible to miss the heat in his eyes. It makes Jared feel flushed all over. It’s that look from last night, that feeling that Jensen can’t get enough of Jared, wants whatever Jared’s willing to give him.

Jared isn’t shy but he’s never been into showing off his body. It’s not second nature to stand there and put on a show, even if it is for Jensen. But there’s something about being watched by someone who wants him the way Jensen does that gets him going, works him up to want to make it good.

He thumbs open his jeans and kicks them to the floor. He’s standing there in his cotton briefs, his cock plainly outlined against the thin material, hard and obscene. He slips his fingers in the waistband of his underwear and slides them down his hips, his cock springing free, the wet tip slapping against his stomach.

Jared stands there completely, starkly naked, waiting for Jensen to tell him what to do. But Jensen's just watching him, taking him in like he’s memorizing every line of Jared’s body. Jared doesn’t mind, it gives him an excuse to watch Jensen. He can see that Jensen’s hard, his cock an obvious shape against the front of his jeans. Jensen’s lips are pink and bruised from kissing and there’s a sheen of sweat at his hairline. Fuck but Jared likes having this effect on Jensen.

Jared’s startled out of the quiet when Jensen tells him, “get on your knees.”

Jared does as he’s told, falls right to the floor trying to hide how eager he is. He swears his mouth is watering with the anticipation of having Jensen’s dick. Jared kneels there on the carpet in front of the bed and watches as Jensen works his jeans open.

“Put your hands behind your back,” Jensen says.

Yes, please, Jared thinks a little breathlessly. The memory of last night, of being unable to move, to touch himself, is still hot in his mind, still makes him ache. He fits his fingers together behind his back.

Jensen gets to his feet then and moves with deliberate intent. His fingers work at the zipper on his jeans, get the fly open and push his cock out through his underwear. And there it is, Jensen’s cock hard and red, wet at the head.

"You don't get to touch," Jensen instructs. “Keep your hands behind your back.” His cock is right there and Jared can feel the heat coming from him, can smell him all soap and that familiar scent that’s all Jensen.

Jensen wraps his hand around the base of his cock and nudges the head against Jared's lips. Jared tries not to moan but he can't quite help it, not when Jensen slides his hand into Jared's hair, palming the crown of his head and holding him stock still as he drags his cock over Jared's mouth, his chin, his cheek, painting Jared's skin with pre-come.

It's so fucking hot, Jared being unable to touch Jensen, unable to move, the sting of his scalp when Jensen's fingers curl and pull, helping him focus. Jared just kneels there, lips closed, letting Jensen rub his dick over his face.

When Jared's about to open his mouth and fucking beg Jensen to let him suck his dick, Jensen tightens his hand without warning, pulling Jared's head back, making Jared moan.

"I'm going to fuck your mouth," Jensen tells him. It’s like a jolt of electricity shooting through him, the words hitting him hot deep in his gut. Jensen’s never rough like this with him, not before last night, and Jared is so ready for Jensen to follow through.

Jared tries to stop it, he really does, but he lets out a needy little “please” like he has no control over it.

Jared can see a flicker of surprised pleasure in Jensen's eyes. It makes Jared want to do what he can to see it again, to keep Jensen looking at him like that.

Jared's mouth is wet; he's drooling for it when Jensen pushes in. It’s heavy on his tongue, the shape filling his mouth and making him hard enough to hurt. He sucks at the head like he's starving. Jensen’s leaking salty pre-come on his tongue and Jared’s fucking salivating for it, this baser side of him unleashed and blindsiding the hell out of him. Jared swallows the taste and wants more.

Jensen curls his fingers Jared’s hair, his grip tight and unrelenting. He pulls hard and pushes his hips. It's too much without warning, his dick pushing at the back of Jared's throat. There’s this blinding, terrifying second where he can’t breathe, he’s gagging and choking as he tries to pull back. It’s thrilling in the fear of it. Jared’s eyes are watering.

Jensen eases up slightly, hips pulling back enough that his cock rests on Jared's tongue. "We'll practice that," Jensen promises, "and you will learn to deep throat, and learn to be good at it." He keeps his hand steady on Jared's head and thrusts shallowly. The words are like a fist on his dick. Fuck but he’s getting off on the dirtiest shit right now.

"For now, I'm going to fuck your face.” It’s conversational, like Jensen’s commenting on the weather, but Jared knows better. It’s written all over his face how hot this is getting him, how hot they both are for this.

Jared keeps his eyes open on Jensen’s as Jensen tightens his grip in Jared’s hair and brings him froward, pushing in and making good on his word as he fucks shallowly at Jared’s face. Jared’s mouth is sloppy wet, full of his own spit and Jensen’s pre-come, getting Jensen slobbery with it. The image of what he must look like slams into his brain and he groans around Jensen’s dick. The idea of being so on display for Jensen makes him want to come all over himself.

He’s painfully hard. He knows the second he gets any kind of friction he's going to come like a shotgun. His palms itch to touch himself, and it's kind of making him crazy, it's making him that much harder that he can't, that he's not allowed.

Jesus, this whole thing is so filthy hot. If he never has sex again he’ll have a lifetime’s worth of masturbation material after this.

Jared's jaw is starting to ache. Jensen's got a tight reign on his control, though Jared doesn’t know where the hell it’s coming from. He can feel it when it starts to slip, when the facade cracks and Jensen’s close. Jared’s mouth is sore, his lips tender feeling and but he’ll keep going to taste Jensen’s come, if Jensen gives it to him.

Jensen pulls all the way out. Jared tries to follow him, this compulsion to get him back in his mouth taking over. He’s missing the feel of being full of Jensen, the taste and pressure of it. Jensen's still got his fingers tangled in Jared's hair and he's stroking himself, the head of his dick resting in Jared's open mouth.

"Don't swallow," is the only warning Jared gets, a low, gruff command before Jensen comes, hot and sticky pulses landing on Jared’s tongue. Jensen shakes and shudders through it, the sexiest noises coming up out of him like he can’t reign them in.

Jared barely resists the impulse to swallow, to take Jensen’s come down his throat. Jensen tilts Jared’s head back, fingers on his chin, and says, “show me.”

"Good," Jensen praises. He dips his thumb into Jared's mouth, strokes it across his tongue and fuck if that isn’t the filthiest thing ever. Jared fucking deserves a medal, he thinks, for just sitting there on his knees with his cock bobbing against his belly when what he wants is to come hard enough he remembers it tomorrow.

Jensen’s thumb is still in Jared’s mouth when he tells Jared to “swallow.” Jared does, closes his lips around Jensen’s thumb, sucks at it a little because he can’t help it, and swallows all of Jensen’s come.

Jensen gets to his knees in front of Jared. He swipes his fingers across Jared’s wet, swollen mouth and leans in to kiss him like he’s learning the shape, the taste, the feel.

“Get on the bed,” Jensen tells him but his voice has gone whiskey rough at the edges, frayed. Not quite as controlled as before. It hits Jared hard and low, the electric current in the room, the intensity between them. He takes a breath meant to steady him and gets to his feet. It’s awkward with his hands still clasped behind his back and his dick achingly, painfully hard and sticking straight out all obscene.

Jared puts a knee on the bed, gets his other up and sits back on his haunches, arms still behind him.

Jensen stands at the edge of the mattress. “You are so good,” he hums and gives Jared a soft, fleeting kiss. “You can lie down on your back, Jared.”

Jared leans back against the pile of pillows and waits for whatever’s coming, sinking into the mattress and watching Jensen undress. He does it quickly, shucks out of his jeans with an efficiency that’s hot as hell. When he’s completely naked he kneels beside Jared, fingers gentle at his hip when he says, “put your arms over your head, Jared. Hands on the headboard.” He strokes his thumb over Jared’s flushed skin. “Don’t let go.”

Jared stretches his arms up to wrap his fingers around the cool wood of Jensen’s headboard. Jensen settles between his thighs and without ceremony his legs and pushes Jared's knees to his chest.

Oh shit, is what Jared tries to say but it's stuck in his chest and what comes out is the neediest fucking sound he's ever made.

This might be his favorite thing in the world but he doesn't get it often because he doesn't know how to ask for it, how to beg Jensen to fuck him with his tongue. But apparently Jensen knows him better than he thought because he's spreading Jared open and pressing his face there like he knows how bad Jared wants it. He presses his tongue flat and drags it over Jared's hole all wet and fucking dirty.

“Oh god, oh fuck,” Jared babbles. He digs his fingers into the headboard to have something to focus on, steadying him when what he wants is to grab Jensen’s head and hold him there until he comes.

Jensen’s licking at Jared’s hole like it’s the only thing in the world he wants to be doing. He shifts to settle in and pushes his tongue at the tight pucker, jabbing at it until Jared’s just fucking writhing on the bed, panting and trying to fuck his ass on Jensen’s tongue.

Jared’s thighs shake, his body vibrating when Jensen hums. “You can come,” he says, moving his mouth away and looking up at Jared. His eyelashes are dark smudges against his flushed cheeks, his hair all sweat damp and matted. He looks fucking debauched and gorgeous as hell. “You can come like this. If you can’t come like this, then you don’t. Is that clear?”

Jared tries to say yes, tries to nod but he's so strung out and on edge that nothing’s working right. It’s still registering, what it’s like to have Jensen talking to him all dirty like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

Jensen shocks the hell out of Jared, using his open palm to smack Jared hard, right on the curve of his ass where it's exposed so obscenely.

Jared bites tongue and swears, shaking from the effort it takes to keep from coming just from Jensen slapping him.

"I said is that clear Jared?" Jensen’s tone is dangerous and low and Jared just nods, groaning. “Yes,” he mumbles, “yes, please.”

Jensen hums in unmistakeable approval, pleasure in his smile as he rubs soothing fingertips over the sore flesh of Jared’s ass.

Jensen ducks his head back down and pushes his tongue back in, licking at Jared for all he’s worth. Jared doesn't know if it's actually going to happen. It’s hot and fuck, he’s never been more ready to blow his load, but he's never come without a hand or something on his dick. He doesn't want to ruin this, the fucking hottest experience of his life, by disobeying Jensen, but he just doesn't think he can get there without some kind of friction against his cock.

He's proven so painfully wrong when Jensen pushes the tip of his finger inside Jared, crooking it just slightly and licking at the skin stretching around it. Jared hangs on the edge, waiting to break apart. He's got Jensen's tongue working him open, his finger stroking him from the inside, massaging him and Jared goes completely blank as he comes so hard he convulses, fingers clenched around the head board, muscles in his shoulders crying out at the strain.

“Jesus,” Jared says, “fuck me.” He’s staring at the ceiling, panting, pulling air into his lungs as fast as he can. He can’t be sure but he thinks he might still be hard.

He feels Jensen’s laugh against his skin and the warmth of that spreads out from his fingertips, moves through his veins and settles in his belly. Jensen’s smiling against Jared’s skin as he moves up the bed to hover over Jared.

Jensen wraps his fingers around one of Jared’s wrists, gently pulls his hand away from the bed. He does the same with the other and carefully brings Jared’s arms down. Jared lets out a quiet groan as his muscles protest.

Jensen bends his head. The first kiss is just a gentle, chaste brush of his lips against Jared’s. The second is a little deeper, searching and by the time Jensen's worked his way into Jared's mouth, Jared's got his arms wrapped around Jensen's upper back and he's clinging to him, kissing back with everything he’s felt in the last twenty-four hours.

Oh,, he thinks a little later, all sleep soft and hazy, this is his reward. This is Jensen's way of taking care of him. He doesn’t know if there’s anything he likes more than this. Jensen’s palm on his cheek, fingers of his other hand playing in Jensen’s sweat damp hair. Jensen kisses him, reduces him to a purring mess.

Jensen rolls off Jared, settles instead beside him, both of them shifting until they’re facing each other with their legs tangled together.

Jensen doesn’t stop touching him. He curves his hand around Jensen’s wrist and rubs his thumb in gentle circles over Jared’s purple skin. He reaches out to brush Jared’s hair out of his eyes. He rests his palm on Jared’s chest where Jared’s sure he can feel his heartbeat.

“How do you feel?” Jensen asks. He slips his hand beneath Jared’s head, curves his palm around Jensen’s neck and just strokes him at his hairline.

"Mmm,” Jared says with a flirty grin. He arches a little into Jensen’s touch and stretches, feels the ache of his body and shivers a little in how good it feels.

Jensen grins. He presses his face to Jared’s throat and Jared can feel him laughing, this sweet sound that Jared won’t ever get enough of. He loves the feel of this, he realizes, this intimacy of the aftermath.

Jensen catches his breath and lifts his head, looking down at Jared. “Jared,” he says in a low, quiet voice that Jared takes seriously. "If we ever do anything you don't like, you have to tell me, even if it's not something you safe worded for."

Jared gets that this is a sticking point for Jensen. "I never want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I need you to tell me."

Jensen’s earnest like Jared’s never seen him before, written all over his face the way he feels. It makes Jared’s throat feel tight, the way Jensen’s looking at him, like Jared’s a gift Jensen wasn’t expecting.

"I liked all of it," Jared admits. Maybe he’s a little overwhelmed right now by everything rushing through him. But he thinks it’s okay, so much has happened in the last day twenty-four hours that have shifted the dynamics of their relationship. He’s still trying to catch up.

“Good. Don’t be shy about asking for what you want, either.” Jensen kisses his mouth open. “I get off when you’re getting off, Jared,” he mumbles into Jared’s skin. He lifts his head and looks at Jared. “That’s what it’s about for me, okay?”

Jared feels this funny flutter in his stomach that’s only started recently, that only Jensen brings out of him. Jensen is a good guy. Jared knows it, he believes it, and he's a little terrified of how much he trusts him. Jared thinks this is the scariest thing that's ever happened to him. If he's going into this, he's glad to be going into it with Jensen.

Jensen gets to his feet and reaches for Jared, helping him stand on shaking knees. He palms Jared’s hips. “Come shower with me,” he mumbles with a kiss to Jared’s throat. Jared barely hears Jensen’s murmured “let me take care of you.”

It’s that falling feeling intensified when Jensen says things like that, these sweetly honest things that Jared still doesn’t expect.

Jensen drags Jared into the shower, heat and steam filling the tiny bathroom. Jensen's hands are everywhere, touching every inch of him. They stand under the spray with Jared clinging to Jensen, arms around him as Jensen strokes his hands down Jared's back.

"Turn around," Jensen tells him quietly. Jared does, turning against the shower tiles, letting the hot water fall over him, easing the ache in his muscles. He rests his cheek against the wall, eyes closed, body thrumming as Jensen takes care of him. He soaps him up, rubs his hands over all of Jared.

When Jensen gets to his knees, Jared holds his breath. He's exhausted, ready to go to bed and sleep through the weekend, schoolwork be damned. Despite all that, he wouldn't say no to a second round, if he could find the energy.

But Jensen just soaps his knees, his ankles, his feet, cleaning him and taking reverent care of him. Jared’s throat is tight, his heart hammering long after they get out of the shower.

It’s like last night flipped as Jensen hands him a pair of old pajama pants and a wrinkled old tank top. This is a different level for Jared and he’s feeling vulnerable in a way he hadn’t felt earlier.

Jensen’s perceptive to a fault sometimes but Jared’s thankful for it now when he wordlessly pulls Jared in against him.

“It’s okay,” Jensen whispers, the words tucked in against Jared’s skin. “If you’re freaking out right now, it’s okay.”

“Maybe a little,” Jared admits, “not in a bad way.” It’s just been the most emotional, intense thirty-six hours of his life and he’s trying frantically to catch up.

They crawl into bed, finding a way that’s comfortable for both of them. Jared closes his eyes and listens to the breaths Jensen takes as he curves his hand around Jared’s neck, something possessive and comforting in it.

He falls asleep with Jensen’s fingers in his hair, his thumb rubbing at the nape of his neck.

* * *

It's not the first time Jared's woken up at Jensen's but it feels different this time.

There's gritty, rain soaked light throwing shadows around the room and the reassuring rhythm of the rain against the windows. Jared feels content down all the way in his bones.

Jensen's asleep on his front, beautiful in all his naked glory. He's got freckles on his shoulders that Jared's tongue itches to taste, twin dimples at the base of his spine that Jared wants to press his fingers to.

"Are you watching me sleep?" Jensen mumbles, his voice all sleep rough.

Jared presses his grin to Jensen's shoulder blade. "Maybe," he agrees with a laugh. He feels stupidly giddy and he can't even find the effort to hide it.

Jensen pries one eye open and squints at Jared. It's adorable with Jensen's hair flat and falling across his forehead and his cheeks pink from sleep.

“I have so much work to do,” Jared says apologetically. It’s stressing him out a little, how much he has to get done before Monday, two days to do it and no desire for any of it. What he wants is to spend every second with Jensen, learning everything Jensen wants to teach him.

“I’ll make you breakfast before you have to go,” Jensen says to him, rolling to his feet. “I’m good at eggs.”

Jared pulls on his day-old clothes, finds his shoes at the foot of the bed and tries not to think too hard about last night. If he lets himself do that he’ll spend the rest of the day caught up in replaying every second between them.

Jensen’s kitchen is narrow, full of light. Jensen pulls out a carton of eggs, a loaf of bread and directs Jared to the coffee machine.

“You might have to walk me through this,” Jared admits, staring at it and feeling confused. It’s not like any coffee pot he’s ever seen.

He feels Jensen come up behind him. He’s all heat and that sweaty-soapy scent Jared loves. Jensen's fingers are warm when they slip under his t-shirt, curling around his hip.

"You feel good," he hums. He presses a kiss to the back of Jared's neck and Jared swears his knees buckle.

"Ungh, fuck," Jared groans. Jensen's laugh vibrates through him. Jensen threads an arm around his waist and just holds on.

“Forget the coffee,” Jensen says and Jared can hear the smile in his voice.

They never make it to the eggs and Jared doesn’t end up leaving for his place until another two hours have passed.

“Would it be greedy if I asked you to come over tonight?” Jensen says when they’re climbing out of the shower. He wraps a towel around his hips and gives Jared his raised eyebrows when Jared follows the water sliding down his chest.

“Maybe,” Jared says like he’s thinking it over. He’s developing an unhealthy obsession with the way Jensen’s waist tapers and the cut of his hip bones.

His face is flushed hot when he looks up. “What time?” he says in a voice that doesn’t sound like his own.

Jensen laughs.

* * *

Chad has a life. Jared has witnessed it first hand. So there's absolutely no reason for him to be sitting at the kitchen table when Jared comes in a little after eleven am. Technically it's a walk of shame, Jared's still in last night's clothes, but given he was with his boyfriend, Jared thinks he should be forgiven.

Chad's not even wasting time on pretenses. He's sitting with his feet propped up on a chair, scrolling through his phone. He looks up when Jared walks in.

"You're a little late," he says, scowling. He gives Jared the once over and Jared has the unwelcome feeling of being chastised by a parent.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware you were expecting me,” Jared says as he shuts the door behind him. For all the shit they give each other, Jared has to admit (if only to himself) that he sort of likes it when Chad gives him the overprotective routine. It’s nice to be worried about, maybe even better when it’s Chad doing the worrying.

“How is Jensen?” Chad folds his arms across his chest. Jared half expects him to be tapping his feet impatiently.

“Jensen is good,” Jared says, answering the question Chad asked and not the unspoken “how are you.”

Jared can see all the unsaid things in Chad’s eyes. He doesn’t know what Chad’s expecting of him and he’s not sure he wants to talk about this with his best friend.

Chad gets to his feet abruptly, the chair he was in tumbling to the cracked linoleum. “I’ll spare us the touchy-feely shit and say this just once,” he says, putting a hand on Jared’s arm. “I’m here if you want to talk.”

Jared bites back his smile. Sometimes it all makes sense, this weird friendship. “I appreciate that,” Jared says just as sincerely. And then, “if I ever need to talk about my foray into kinky sex, I will come to you.”

Chad beams. “I’ll be waiting.”

Jared settles into a tedious afternoon of reading and homework, spreading his books and notes out in the living room. His body is a foreign mess of aches and bruises, a delicious distraction that makes concentrating on Dostoevsky difficult.

With all the single mindedness of the guy who was number three in his graduating high school class, Jared works until three, switching from one subject to the next.

He’s got all this pent-up energy, all these new emotions he doesn’t know how to process. He does what he knows works for him, changing into shorts and a t-shirt and lacing up his Nikes.

He finds a pair of old sweat bands shoved at the bottom of his dresser and pulls them on over his wrists, hiding the marks on his skin.

The guys he plays ball with are his friends, but he doesn’t feel like answering questions about this. Not today and probably not for a while, if he ever gets there.

There’s always a pick up game down at the gym and Jared gets right in it, shoving and pushing and running until he’s sweat soaked and breathing hard. It’s the best, most basic kind of distraction and it does the trick enough that he’s refocused when he gets back home an hour later.

He showers and does the basic chores he’s been neglecting. He changes the sheets on his bed, does a load of laundry, goes through the fridge and tosses the shit that’s long past expired.

When he leaves for Jensen’s a few hours later, he feels like he’s on even footing again.

It lasts for the better part of an hour and then Jared’s completely naked in Jensen’s bed, feeling like he’s falling apart.

“Let me do something for you,” Jensen says gently, touching Jared’s hip.

“Okay,” Jared agrees on a breath. Jared doesn’t know what’s coming but the realization that it doesn’t matter, that he trusts Jensen, is what calms him.

“Close your eyes for me, Jared,” Jensen says, slipping into that tone of voice that Jared’s growing familiar with, the one that means Jensen’s in control.

There's a dip in the mattress as Jensen reaches for one of Jared's hands. He's gentle as he guides Jared's arm up over his head and reaches for the other. There's something soft at his wrists. “Oh please,” Jared breathes, his body going rigid with arousal. Jensen’s binding his wrists in something that’s silky against his skin. Fuck, this is not going to last long. This is Jared’s bulletproof thing and he’s going to get it from Jensen.

"That's right," Jensen says, all soothing and conversational. He weaves the material around Jared’s wrists Jared’s skin is tender and sore and every nerve of his body is centered there. Jensen does it slowly, methodically, like a ritual. Jared is exhausted through to his bones, it’s been a day and a half of emotional, physical overload, but there he is being tied to Jensen’s bed and his dick painfully hard.

Jared’s hyper aware of the sounds around him, of the movements Jensen makes. He feels it when Jensen moves to reach across Jared for something.

There isn’t any warning, just Jensen’s hand on his thigh, pushing his legs apart and then Jared’s face goes hot as he realizes there’s something playing at his hole. It’s rounded, whatever it is, blunt at the tip. It feels foreign but Jared can feel that familiar ache to be filled, to be fucked despite the tenderness there.

Jared can’t help it but he’s realized how fucking needy he is for things at his ass. His thighs fall open automatically, hips coming up off the bed. He wants it.

He can hear Jensen's soft laughter, amused. "Mm, I love how badly you want it," he hums, teasing the object at Jared's ass. It's not enough pressure to push in, just a slow press so Jared can get used to whatever it is.

"A plug, Jared," Jensen tells him. Jared knows vaguely what it is, but he's never seen one, never had one used on him. Jensen goes slow as he opens Jared up with it, slides the slicked up tip into Jared. It's not very big, but it gets wider as it pushes past the first part. Jensen slides it in until Jared can feel it stop, some wider part catching. Oh, the plug part, Jared thinks wryly, he's being plugged.

He doesn't know what to make of it. He feels full, but not in the way he wants, it's just a tease of the fucking he’s after, nothing wide enough or deep enough to give him what he's aching for.

He makes a low grumbling sound and shifts his hips, spreading his thighs and trying to get some kind of relief from it. He knows he must look terribly needy like this but fuck, his cock is so hard and he's aching to get fucked and this is just some terrible kind of tease.

"I know," Jensen hums sympathetically. He's still at Jared's side. He runs a fingertip up the inside of Jared's thigh. Jared moans as Jensen traces around the plug, pushes a finger past the wide base and touches the rim of Jared's hole. "I know you want it. You'll get it."

But then he's gone, mattress moving again and Jared realizes he's gone. There's a rustling sound and Jared has a brief second to wonder before Jensen's back. And completely fucking naked, Jared realizes with a rush. Jensen's settling over Jared; straddling his chest, naked ass, naked thighs, hard cock brushing at Jared's chin.

"I promised you a lesson," Jensen tells him, low and controlled. Jared's mind reels frantically, trying to grasp onto the details. Lesson, lesson - oh fuck, Jared bucks a little, tries to rut his hips down, clench his ass around the plug, get some kind of friction.

"That's right, you remember," Jensen tells him, stroking his fingers through Jared's hair. Jared feels Jensen's cock at his mouth, just brushing at his lips. He's salivating for it as opens his mouth to get it.

Jensen starts slow, just a shallow thrust of his hips, letting Jared get used to it, working up to it. Jared focuses on breathing through his nose. He wants it, but there's that thrilling fear resting just beneath the surface. He trusts Jensen, he does, but it's the fear too that makes it so hot. He’s so fucking hard he can feel it down in his toes.

The first slow push all the way in, nudging at the back of his throat, makes Jared's eyes water. He's sweating for this, trying to get at it but it's impossible to move, restrained like he is.

"Relax your throat," Jensen tells him, and it's all the warning he gets before Jensen is pushing past the resistance and nudging. Jared tries so hard to be good for this but he gags, chokes on Jensen's cock, sputtering, eyes tearing up.

Jensen withdraws all the way, pets his hands over Jared's hair. His thumb swipes at the corner of Jared's eye, slides down to cup his jaw. "Good, you're doing so good, Jared." He strokes at the corner of Jared's mouth, rubs his thumb along Jared's bottom lip which feels full and swollen. "Get your breath," he tells him quietly, "and we'll try again."

Jared relaxes a little as he pulls air into his lungs. His jaw aches and his mouth is raw with the taste, the feel, of Jensen.

A moment later Jensen's cock is back, pushing into Jared's mouth and thrusting shallowly a few times to let Jared get the feel. This time, Jensen tangles his fingers in Jared's hair, guides him up off the pillows as he pushes in. Jared focuses on that, on the sting, the way it shoots straight to his cock. Fuck, add getting his hair pulled to the long list of things he never thought he'd get off on.

The third time Jared manages to relax enough that the tip of Jensen's cock pushes down, past the resistance of his throat and he stays there for a second as Jared focuses on relaxing. He can feel Jensen shaking, groaning, and then he's pulling out, swearing.

"Good, fuck, Jared, good." He's soothing his hand over Jared's forehead, and Jared realizes belatedly that he's pushing Jared's hair off his face.

Jared's eyes are still closed, Jensen hasn't told him he could open them, and he's grateful when he catches on, can feel the movement of Jensen jerking himself off, hear the frantic rise and fall of his breathing.

He's ready for it but it still surprises him when the first streak of come lands on his face, marks his skin. The next one lands on his lips and Jared just opens his mouth for it.

Jared trusts Jensen to get him there, but fuck, he's never been so hard in his life. He tries to focus on something else. The come drying on his skin, how hot it is in the room, anything but how hard he is.

Jensen disappears and Jared resists opening his eyes. It's easier like this, he's realized, not knowing what's coming. It settles him somehow and he's grateful for that.

Jensen comes back, settles himself between Jared's spread thighs. Jensen wraps a slick hand around Jared, stroking him once and Jared pulls at his bonds, convulsing as his hips come off the bed.

Jensen smacks his hip. "Be patient," he says. "I'll make it worth your while."

It takes a second for Jared to focus, and when he does he realizes Jensen's rolling a condom on him, using quick and sure fingers to get it snug.

"Oh please," Jared whispers, his body shaking with it. In a span of days that have been the hottest of Jared’s life, he thinks this moment right here might be the sexiest fucking thing that’s ever happened to him.

Jensen’s hand strokes him a couple of times, making Jared grit his teeth, and then Jensen’s settling above Jared’s hips.

Shit. “Jensen,” Jared moans. They don't do it like this, hardly ever. It's not even a thing Jared thinks all that much about, but just the thought that Jensen's going to ride him while he's tied to the bed makes Jared's heart threaten to thump right out of his chest.

Jensen braces himself with one hand on the headboard, fingers closed around Jared's wrists. He holds the base of Jared's dick with his free hand, steadying him, as he slowly, so fucking slowly, starts to sink down on him.

Jensen is tight, tighter than anyone Jared's ever been with. Jared's not small and he can tell from the way Jensen's shaking that he's struggling.

"Jensen," Jared mumbles plaintively. Now is when he wants to touch Jensen, to stroke his hip, hold him still, make the stretch easier. But Jensen's in control here and he's holding himself painfully still as he tries to adjust.

Jared's mind is racing with what Jensen must look like. And he wants so badly to see, to see Jensen shaking, flushed, sinking down on Jared.

"Fuck," Jensen hisses, and Jared can hear it in his voice, the struggle. "Jesus, you're so fucking big," Jensen babbles, a stream of words under his breath Jared doesn't think Jensen means to say out loud.

"Jensen," Jared pleads in a whisper, "I want to see. I want to see you, fuck."

Jensen stills at that, like he's forgotten. "Oh, shit, Jared, you're so good, you're so good for me like this," he mumbles like he’s completely mindless. "Go on, it's okay, open your eyes."

Jared opens his eyes and nearly comes from the visual alone. Jensen’s on his knees, hunched forward with one hand on the headboard, the other holding his own cock, white knuckling like he's trying not to come.

Jared shifts his hips, thighs falling open and he pushes up into Jensen.

"Fuck," Jensen hisses. He lets go of himself, palm flat on Jared's chest, and starts to sink down slowly, opening up for Jared like it's taking all the will he has.

Jared can't stop looking, the flex of Jensen's hips, the bunch of his stomach muscles from the strain of holding himself still, the sweat sliding down his cheek, the red flush on his throat. He's fucking beautiful. Jared's head is swimming.

Finally, fucking finally, Jared's all the way in, Jensen's ass pressed against his thighs.

"I'm gonna come," Jared whispers, because he really fucking is, he can barely hold on.

Jensen seems to remember himself then, Jared can see him gathering his control. "No," he says, rocks his hips, "you get to come when I say." Jared would admire his restraint except he can see his shoulders shake and hear the waver in his voice.

Jensen bites his lip, closes his eyes and lifts up on his knees, pulling up and then sinking slowly, slowly back down until Jared is all the way in again.

Jensen fucks him like that, slow and dirty. Jared is shaking. He suddenly realizes his lip is bleeding. He swipes his tongue right in the middle of his bottom lip and tastes the blood. It stings but it gives him something to focus on, to pay attention to instead of how hard he is.

He's completely forgotten about the plug until he sees Jensen slip a hand down behind him, fumbling and then he's pressing at the base, working it around and Jared groans.

"Go on," Jensen mumbles, watching Jared's face. "You can come." He tugs at the base and slowly starts to pull it out. Jared convulses then, his ass clenching, trying to get it back as he comes deep inside Jensen, hips coming up off the bed.

Jared’s still shaking through it when Jensen pulls off gingerly and settles on the bed beside Jared. He pulls the condom off, ties it and tosses it to the foot of the bed.

Jared's closes his eyes, trying to catch his breath. He can’t wrap his head around how hot that was. He feels Jensen get up, hears him head into the bathroom. When he returns several minutes later he’s got a warm washcloth and he’s wiping at Jared’s cheek.

Jared can’t help it, he laughs. It’s not funny but it kind of is. And maybe he feels a little hysterical, a little wrung out, all his nerves turned inside out.

Jensen’s smiling wryly at him and it makes him feel settled then. The smile shifts to something dirty as he moves the wash cloth down Jared’s stomach to his dick, wipes at the come and then sinks down, mouthing at it, licking what's left.

Jensen is still hard, his cock flushed between his legs, but he doesn't seem concerned by it. He straddles Jared's hips and works at the knots around Jared's wrists. Jared can see that for now Jensen’s focused on Jared, on whatever it is Jared needs.

Jared’s shoulders cry out in protest when he tries to bring his arms down. It hurts, but in that good way that makes his body go hot. Jared flexes his fingers and lets his arms rest on the bed.

Jensen surprises him, palms Jared's face and kisses him, slow and deep, sinking down on top of Jared. Jared can feel Jensen's dick trapped between them, can feel it when Jensen starts to rock. But he's still focusing on Jared, sucking at his lip, pressing kisses to his jaw, up his cheek, kissing his eyelids.

Jared wants to tell him he's okay. But he understands that Jensen is doing this as much for himself as he is for Jared. And he likes being looked after. He likes the way Jensen touches him like maybe he’s feeling as overwhelmed by all of this as Jared is.

Jensen doesn’t stop kissing him as he reaches between them and wraps a hand around himself. He kisses Jared all the way through it and Jared swallows the sounds he makes when Jensen comes.

* * *

It's disorienting, waking up at first. He's pressed face down in a bed that isn't his own, naked, sheets tangled at his feet. He waits for awareness, his body coming online. He opens his eyes and winces as light floods in, early morning sunlight streaming in through the open curtains, lighting up Jensen's bedroom.

Jensen's tangled around him, cheek on Jared's back, both of them melded together from the warmth of their bodies.

Jared's never crashed so hard after sex. He feels heavy and relaxed, nearly comatose, like he never wants to move again. Unfortunately his mouth is cotton dry and he’s getting desperate to relieve himself.

Jensen sleeps heavy and doesn't so much as flinch when Jared crawls out from under him, stumbling over discarded clothes as he gets to feet that feel shaky.

He scrubs at his teeth with a finger covered in toothpaste and gargles a little to get the morning taste out of his mouth. When he looks up at his reflection, he feels all the breath catch in his chest.

Thoroughly fucked is the only term that comes to mind as he takes himself in. His hair's completely disheveled, cheeks flushed from sleep. He's got a bruise on his jaw in the shape of Jensen's mouth, and when he touches it with one fingertip, it stings. He still doesn't quite get this side of him, the side that gets off on being marked by Jensen; that gets off on fresh bruises and the dull pain they bring.

There's a ring of bruises at his throat, he sees as he lifts his chin. Small little bites in a collar around his neck.

"Jesus," he breathes, bracing himself against the sink, head falling forward. It's hot as hell. He's almost disappointed that he’ll have to cover it up. And then he gets hot at the idea of sitting in class, his own little secret hiding just below his shirt.

Jared takes a leak, but it's a difficult thing now that he's mostly hard. He finishes and moves back out into the bedroom, climbs back into bed and presses himself against Jensen. He’s all warm and flushed in sleep and he smells familiar, sweat and soap and something else that’s all Jensen.

He feels itchy with the desire to get off. He’s not all that into exhibitionism but he gets a little thrill at the idea of getting off here with Jensen asleep beside him. He’s careful not to jostle Jensen as he slips his hand beneath the sheets and wraps his palm around his cock. The first touch makes him hiss air through his clenched teeth. He lets his thighs fall open to get the right kind of leverage.

He’s watching Jensen’s face as he sleeps, the laugh lines around his eyes relaxed, the stubble on his jaw, his pink mouth lax and parted. Jared touches his thumb to Jensen's obscene lower lip, the warm, wet inside and jerks himself faster.

"Shit," Jared gasps. Jensen's awake now, eyes fluttered open. Jared gets teeth in his thumb, Jensen sucking it in between his lips.

"Oh god," Jared says frantically, maybe slightly embarrassed at being caught. Jensen sucks harder at Jared and then startles Jared when he gets abruptly to his knees.

"Show me," he says in this rough morning voice that wraps itself around Jared.

It’s a combination of things that gets him going. Being caught jerking off while Jensen slept, Jensen watching him, that commanding tone Jensen has that Jared never hesitates to obey.

He clenches his eyes shut as he comes, unable to keep watching Jensen. Jensen makes him feel so incredibly on display, the worst, most secret parts of himself on display in a way that Jared is trying to get used to.

"Jared, look at me," Jensen says quietly. It's different from the tone he used last night, just coaxing and gentle now. Jared forces his eyes open, trying to get past the embarrassment.

"Tell me," Jensen says softly. Jared doesn't know what he means so he says what's on his mind, just lifts his chin and presses his fingers to the bruises at his throat.

Jensen's eyes follow and Jared watches as his eyes go dark, his cheeks flush.

"Oh," Jensen hums, "yeah, you like that?" He touches his thumb to one, presses and Jared hisses, arching.

Jensen ducks his head and licks over the marked skin, laps at it like he's trying to taste the blood underneath, trying to get inside.

Jared pushes his hand into Jensen's hair and just holds him there.

He can feel Jensen reach underneath him to touch his cock, stroking himself as he sucks at Jared's skin.

Jensen leans back, shuffling to his knees and leaning up over Jared. Jared watches in amazement as he gets it, Jensen's intent as he strokes himself faster, harder.

And god Jared wants it, wants to see Jensen come; wants to feel it. It doesn't take him long and Jared's baring his throat, head back against the pillows when Jensen groans, mumbles Jared's name and comes hot against Jared's throat, painting the marks on his skin.

Jared's breathing hard with Jensen. Given time he can get hard again, just from this. He touches his fingertips to his skin and swipes them through the come there. He closes his eyes, turns his face to hide how completely overwhelmed he is right now. Everything they do together makes him want more, things he didn't think he would want are suddenly all he can think about.

Jensen's breathing's slowed and he settles next to Jared, pushing his fingers through the sweat damp hair at his forehead.

"Mm, don't be shy now, Jared," Jensen singsongs all low and rough as he wraps his fingers around Jared's wrist. Jared watches, face flushed red, eyes wide, as Jensen brings Jared's hand to his mouth. Jared moans as he sucks Jared's fingers into his mouth, teeth grazing his skin, mouth hot and wet and Jared just sinks into it.

"Next time," Jensen says, moving up to lie over Jared, cover him from head to toe with the warmth of his body. "Wake me up." His smile is teasing and gentle. He leans down for a kiss, but instead of his lips Jared gets his tongue, swiping across his mouth. He groans and grips Jensen's hips.

* * *

After a weekend of emotions and intense sex, Monday is hell.

Jared wakes up in his own bed, alone after two days spent sleeping with and beside Jensen. His bed doesn’t feel right, his skin doesn’t feel right, he doesn’t feel right.

He takes a hot shower, trying to wash away the unpleasantness sitting heavy in his stomach, the feeling like his skin doesn’t fit right.

He’s hoping to avoid Chad but of course he’s not that lucky. “Jesus, what the fuck happened to you?” Chad says downstairs in the kitchen. “You look like you got ran over by a train.”

“Thank you, that’s just what I needed to hear this morning.” Jared pours milk and too much sugar into his coffee and just barely resists the desire to kick Chad in the chins.

Things don’t get worse but they don’t get much better, either. He can’t even pinpoint what’s bothering him, but he feels unlike himself, out of sorts like he left something important behind and he can’t remember what it was.

His first class of the week is a tedious psychology class he’s taking for his general requirements. It’s annoying on the best days and today it’s downright painful.

He’s not really paying attention when he rubs his thumb over his wrist where the bruises are. He’s spent the better part of the last hour thinking about things he shouldn’t be thinking about while sitting on an unforgiving chair in a lecture hall with a hundred other students.

He realizes with a sudden rush what that one touch does to him when he closes his hand around his wrist, the pressure reminding him of the way it felt when Jensen did it. Jared gets it now, the appeal of cuffs, at least for him. A physical reminder of Jensen, of what they are to each other.

It’s something to think about, thrown into his brain with a dozen other new things to consider thanks to Jensen and the realizations he’s made about himself over the last seventy-two hours.

He keeps a hand on his wrist for the rest of the hour and it’s an anchor. It’s something to focus on, something that focuses him and he gets through the class having managed to retain at least some of the information.

He isn’t expecting to see Jensen until mid week, but leave it to Jensen to surprise him. Jensen’s done nothing but surprise him for the last seven months.

Jared answers the door to find Jensen with a bag of take out.

“Hi,” Jared says, smiling. “I didn’t know I’d see you today.” Jared’s aware of how exhausted and ragged he looks but Jensen’s looking at him like he’s never seen anything better. It’s a feeling Jared doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to.

“I wanted to see you,” Jensen says like it’s a secret. “I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Jared takes the bags from Jensen and kisses him. “I’m okay,” he assures him. “I’m better now that you’re here.” The last part is a whisper against Jensen’s lips. It’s the truth.

Jensen brought cartons of rice and chicken with broccoli and Jared’s favorite beer. They spread everything out on the coffee table and eat out of the containers with the television on mute.

They don’t talk much but it’s the kind of silence where nothing needs to be said.

“I needed this,” Jared admits when he’s reaching for his second bottle of beer. “I’m glad you came over.”

Jensen gives Jared a soft smile and reaches for his hand, turning it over and rubbing at Jared’s bruises. “How does this feel?”

“Sore,” Jared tells him. “But good. I like it.”

“I have something for you,” Jensen says suddenly, reaching into one of the bags. He pulls out a wooden box and passes it to Jared.

“It’s just a possibility, Jared,” Jensen says. He looks like he wants to say something else but he leaves it there.

Jared sets his beer down on the table and takes the lid off the box. He has a sudden physical reaction to Jensen’s gift, this rush of breath expelling from his lungs and something hot and electric shooting through him.

The cuffs are strips of supple brown leather, fastened by silver buckles. There’s a D ring on each and Jared gets a flash of himself tied to Jensen’s bed, wearing only these.

His face feels beet red and he’s surprised into speechlessness. He can’t even look at Jensen, he can’t look away from the box, from what this means. He doesn’t even know what it means.

“I know it’s a lot,” Jensen says quietly. "I know this, everything with us, is a lot. This," he says, gesturing to the box on Jared’s lap, "is a lot. If you don't want it, if you're not ready for it, Jared, all you have to do is tell me. We'll stop, we'll take it slow. We'll do what you're comfortable with."

Jared looks down at the brown leather, the silver buckles, and thinks about the way things were four days ago. He doesn't want to go back to that, he can't imagine his life without this, without Jensen.

"Will you put them on me?" Is the answer Jared gives before he realizes it’s what he meant to say. He leans his head on Jensen's shoulder to catch his breath. The idea of the cuffs is enough to get him going and he feels unsteady here.

Jensen doesn't question him. He doesn't belittle Jared by asking if he's sure. He tucks a kiss beneath Jared's jaw and reaches for the cuffs.

Jared watches as Jensen's fingers work at the buckle, as he carefully closes the cuff around Jared's wrist. He strokes Jared's palm as he turns his wrist over for Jared to see what it looks like. There's nothing obscene about it. It's plain brown leather, like the strap of a nice watch. But Jared knows what it means and that makes the difference.

Jensen gets the other cuff around Jared's second wrist.

“These are yours,” Jensen tells Jared. “You can wear them when we’re together, you can wear them in public. For now, I’ll leave it up to you. Whatever you’re comfortable with, that’s what we’ll do.”

Jared can’t say anything so he settles for “thank you.”

Later, when they make it upstairs to Jared’s room, it feels like a first. Everything with Jensen feels new, feels like beginning again. But when Jensen spreads him out on the bed, touching him everywhere, Jared feels like he’s falling all over again, like he can’t and won’t ever get enough.

When they’re naked and Jared’s arching, begging with his body, Jensen knows without asking what Jared needs. He holds Jared down with his fingers locked around Jared’s wrists where they’re pressed to the bed above his head. His teeth craze Jared’s collarbone and his cock presses hard against Jared’s as he rocks his hips. Jared’s panting into Jensen’s mouth. He can feel the cuffs on his wrists as plain as if they were made of metal and not expensive leather.

“Come on, please,” Jared says a little later when he can feel how close he is to coming. He wants to do it with Jensen pushing into him, to come on Jensen’s cock in his ass.

Jared's sweating, panting, he feels like he's coming apart at the seams. It's the most intense sex he's ever had and there's nothing but emotion there with them. He thinks he gets it now, he gets what the fuss is about.

When Jensen lets go of Jared to brace his weight on his forearms, Jared wraps his arms around Jensen's back and clings, legs at Jensen's waist, holding on for all he's worth.

It's a while before either of them comes, there's no rush, no frantic race to get off. Jared's focused on every slide and push of Jensen in him, every press of Jensen against him. He's focused on the sweet curve of Jensen's mouth against his, the sounds Jensen makes when Jared arches his hips up and tries to change the angle.

Jared digs his fingertips into Jensen and hangs on for dear life.

* * *

Jared finds out about “Ross’s” retirement from the porn business through a message on JDM.com. Jared’s been on the update feed since his own short-lived career in the world of adult entertainment. Mostly he ignores the updates unless they mention the two men in his life.

The message is short:

I’d like to thank all the JDM.com fans for your support these last five years. It’s been the ride of a lifetime. But it’s time for me to move on. I hope you’ll support me in my next adventure, the one that means the most to me. XOXO - Ross

It’s the grandest gesture in the history of grand gestures.

Jared doesn’t realize he’s made up his mind until he’s halfway across town, driving fifteen miles over the speed limit and white knuckling the steering wheel. He’s worked himself up into a state of hysteria by the time he takes the turn to Jensen’s apartment.

“You’re ridiculous,” Jared says the second Jensen opens the door. “You’re unbelievable, you’re insane. I can’t believe you did that.”

“Hello,” Jensen says with laughing eyes, looking pleased with himself.

“I can’t believe you,” Jared mumbles, shaking his head. He curls his fingers in Jensen’s t-shirt, focuses on the unraveling hem.

It’s been a whirlwind of eight months and Jared wonders if he’ll always feel like he’s playing catch up. He considers everything that’s happened, everything between them recently, and he thinks he can live with that if it means moments like these.

He takes a breath. It’s his turn now. Go big or go home and this might be the biggest he’s ever gone.

“Jensen, I fucking love you,” he says fiercely, tightening his grip on Jensen’s shirt and tugging him until their toes bump and their knees fit together. This is what he came to say, what he worked himself up into admitting out loud.

Jensen’s smile gets wider and his eyes go soft at the corners. “I was hoping you did,” he says with a crooked grin, an uncertainty in his eyes dissolving. “I really would have hated to be the only one this miserable.”

Jared laughs out loud then, hiding it in Jensen’s neck as Jensen palms his hip and holds on.

Jensen slides his other hand up into Jared’s hair. “Hey,” he breathes against Jared’s skin. “I love you.”

Jensen kisses him with all the strength and power of those three words until they’re both clinging to each other and trying to breathe.

[ notes & soundtrack ]