(no subject)

[alwaysconnected]

I'm in counseling again.

Touko-san is... I don't know. I don't think she likes me. I mean, most people don't, but...

I guess she's really just doing her job, in the end.

I still don't like being thought of as someone's job.

Touko-san told me that I should start talking about my feelings more, but I don't know who to tell them to. Mom won't listen to me. Mika never wants to talk to me, either. And Dad is always too busy.

I don't trust God.

I don't even have him anymore... my puppy. I killed him.

Maybe that would have happened to Chii-chan, too. I would have killed her the same way I killed Bike-chan.

I didn't mean to. It was just an accident, that's all.

God says it was my fault, but that's what he says about everything. It's true, though... every time. It's always my fault.

I still don't think any of this will help. I can't connect with anyone - not Touko-san or anyone else. And if I can't connect, I won't have anything to keep me grounded, and if I'm not grounded, I'll just disappear.

I don't want to disappear, but I don't belong here, either.

I don't know what to do.