Since no one reads this....
I can say damn near what ever I want because the only ppl that would read this wouldn't be able to do anything about what I have to say. They don't know who or what I'm talking about. They have no idea where Flaherty's is. They only know it's a place I go. They have no idea what the ppl I talk about look like, sound like, act like (besides any description I may have given). The only downside is the ppl who can actually help me I can't talk to about this. I don't even know if they'd be able to help me. I know the most reliable person to "help" would probably not know how to keep his big mouth shut, would get drunk one night and say too much. Everyone else really can't help, aren't in a position to help, probably would be too busy laughing and saying "I told you so"... great friends I know... but after they got doing that they would probably just be too busy trying to be nice saying how cute we really do look together and how I should just make a move. My MOM is not saying I should ask him out and she has no idea what's going on. She just saw a picture of us and knows we talk. I wish I could just have the courage to ask him out. Even better I wish he had the courage to ask me out... If that's what he wants... He's always been such a sweet guy... even when I'm calling him a dick. He's a gentleman, not open the car door for you gentlemen but open a building door or wrap you in you jacket when you're cold kind of gentlemen. He's funny and smart... Not bad looking (not drop dead georgous but cute). There have been some physical changes that ppl have noticed and wheather he'd looks the way he does now or the way he used to, I'd think I'd feel the same way considering what happens now, happened before. Is any of this making sense? (I'm evidently talking to myself since NO ONE reads this... signs of loosing ur mind?) Do I really want to risk our friendship for something I don't even know would happen at all, let alone last for more than a few weeks, leaving everything very akward? I talked to Jessica about this and she laughed. I don't think she quite knew how to react. I helped by giving her the connection of her and Andy... Katie has no idea what's going on, a price she pays for being so fucking wrapped up in her self and her fiance and her wedding (which is not until almost a year and a half) and not caring to spend any damn time with her friends, the ones who were there for her long before she even met her fiance. Alej knows damn near nothing about it either because the times where she's been up there with us, she's left too early to see anything. Steph only knows because she's been up there but she knows nothing of the most recent happenings but what happened when I was talking to other ppl. All 3 of these ppl would never expect me to keep things like this from them. I am. They don't know who the last guy I had sex with was. I'm not telling them that either. Jessica knows though, she was the first person I told... Probably because she's so far away that she can't pass as much judgment and it's harder for her to give me that "i'm dissappointed in you" look. It looks as if my life is SLOWLY coming together with me and Robby (and probably Billy) getting an apartment together. Why can't my private, love life start coming together? I don't want Patrick any more. This past new years I didn't think about him (and I have almost every year for the past 5 years). I don't think about him coming up here and suprising me on V-Day. I don't want him at all. I'm done with that part of my life. I'm moving on and I know who I want but I have no control over other ppl. I don't know if he even wants me or if he just likes knowing that I'm there. I don't want to be a back up. I don't want to be a substitute. I don't want to be a stand in. I WONT be a booty call. I want a real relationship. I want someone to snuggle with when it's cold. I want someone I'm not afraid to cry in front of. I want someone who knows that if I'm in a bad mood it doesn't mean to stay in another room (unless it's his fault). I want someone who knows the importance of buying me a single rose over buying me a dozen carnations. Someone who will cook me dinner at home instead of spending money he doesnt have on dinner. I want someone who will call me when they say they will and if they forget he will appologize and actually mean it. Bascially I want someone who won't lie, cheat, treat me like shit and stay in the same state as me. How hard is that? 3 BASIC things, and I can't find someone who wants to fill that criteria. I just want the one who kisses me like he means it, and can say it (even if it's in his own way).