Sadness
Since almost a week ago I just haven't felt right. I've felt this overwhelming sadness and slightly depressed and everything has just put me in a bad mood. The feeling hasn't really been going away either. It's kind of like I'm always on the verge of tears, every single second for the past week. It's like the right person, the right word or the right hug is gonna send me into a river of tears...lol I've really been holding it back b/c I feel like if I start crying I'll never stop. I'm sad for a lot of reasons but mainly a topic that I brought up sometime last year...change. I just hate looking back and remembering how things use to be, because they always seemed better. My relationships with people were untainted, trust was there, we were happy...but time heals and RUINS all things.
Change has been a thorn and a rose at the same time. All the change in my life has provided me with all these opportunities, but it's also left me sad and missing old times.
Well lately I just can't stop thinking about how I'm moving. Maybe I'm not ready yet...I mean I did sip through college in 3 years. It's just that my life is here. My friends, my best friend, my job, my routine. And now I'm moving to LA with 2 people that I definently don't want to live with and I feel like I'm going to be miserable. I know I've already said this, but it's still bothering me. I truly feel like no one will really miss me or be affected by me leaving. I think I'll just move...and that'll be that. I just don't feel like I've really affected anyone's life. Maybe Sandra...I just hate that I'm going to miss so many people but I don't feel as though that many people will miss me. I know I need to move, but I just don't think I'm ready anymore. If I were, they why do I feel so sad all the time, every day? I always thought I'd be excited about going to LA, I thought I'd move out there with my best friends and never look back...but instead I'm sad and I'm moving out there with 2 ppl I'd rather not, b/c I can't afford to live by myself and I'm leaving all that matters to me behind. I mean if I think logically I know that if I stay I'll regret it, but what if I regret it if I move too? I guess I'll never know. Idon't know that LA will be any better. I know I'll be ok and everything will work out...it's just that now, I'm so sad. I think if anyone brought up moving to me I'd break down and cry. I'm just gonna miss a lot of people sooo much. It's funny...i hate moving so much, but I do it all the time. I guess I just wish I were moving to LA with people I cared about...that would make things easier. Also, more than anything in this world, my family is the most important thing ever...and well Jackie lives in Orlando, FL...Brian lives in Warner Robbins, GA...and my parents are moving to Montgomery, AL...and I'm gonna be on the complete opposite side of the country...I'll never see my nephew. :(
I got a tattoo...My dad, when I was little, brought me, Jackie and Brian back some "worry beads" from wherever he was TDY...probably Saudi or Spain. Well the thing was that we are supposed to rub them whenever we worried about something or was having a problem...it was rosery. No I'm not catholic, I'm Christian...but still. So lately a bunch of shit went down and my trust was betrayed by a lot of people...So I got my senior quote "True friends stab you in the front" on my foot with rosery. I love it. If one more person asks me what the quote means I might have to slap them...people are really dumb.
I think if anyone ever sang Sweet Child O'Mine to me I'd marry him. I think they're the sweetest lyrics...80's songs are starting to make me sad lately...they remind me of better times. I get a certain feeling in my stomach when I listen to them. I just love the memories of childhood and better days...so if someone could remind me of all that with a smile or in their eyes, that'd be amazing...if I did that for someone...well that'd be a miracle...anyways it's sweet.
She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that
special place
And if I stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me
of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o' mine
Change has been a thorn and a rose at the same time. All the change in my life has provided me with all these opportunities, but it's also left me sad and missing old times.
Well lately I just can't stop thinking about how I'm moving. Maybe I'm not ready yet...I mean I did sip through college in 3 years. It's just that my life is here. My friends, my best friend, my job, my routine. And now I'm moving to LA with 2 people that I definently don't want to live with and I feel like I'm going to be miserable. I know I've already said this, but it's still bothering me. I truly feel like no one will really miss me or be affected by me leaving. I think I'll just move...and that'll be that. I just don't feel like I've really affected anyone's life. Maybe Sandra...I just hate that I'm going to miss so many people but I don't feel as though that many people will miss me. I know I need to move, but I just don't think I'm ready anymore. If I were, they why do I feel so sad all the time, every day? I always thought I'd be excited about going to LA, I thought I'd move out there with my best friends and never look back...but instead I'm sad and I'm moving out there with 2 ppl I'd rather not, b/c I can't afford to live by myself and I'm leaving all that matters to me behind. I mean if I think logically I know that if I stay I'll regret it, but what if I regret it if I move too? I guess I'll never know. Idon't know that LA will be any better. I know I'll be ok and everything will work out...it's just that now, I'm so sad. I think if anyone brought up moving to me I'd break down and cry. I'm just gonna miss a lot of people sooo much. It's funny...i hate moving so much, but I do it all the time. I guess I just wish I were moving to LA with people I cared about...that would make things easier. Also, more than anything in this world, my family is the most important thing ever...and well Jackie lives in Orlando, FL...Brian lives in Warner Robbins, GA...and my parents are moving to Montgomery, AL...and I'm gonna be on the complete opposite side of the country...I'll never see my nephew. :(
I got a tattoo...My dad, when I was little, brought me, Jackie and Brian back some "worry beads" from wherever he was TDY...probably Saudi or Spain. Well the thing was that we are supposed to rub them whenever we worried about something or was having a problem...it was rosery. No I'm not catholic, I'm Christian...but still. So lately a bunch of shit went down and my trust was betrayed by a lot of people...So I got my senior quote "True friends stab you in the front" on my foot with rosery. I love it. If one more person asks me what the quote means I might have to slap them...people are really dumb.
I think if anyone ever sang Sweet Child O'Mine to me I'd marry him. I think they're the sweetest lyrics...80's songs are starting to make me sad lately...they remind me of better times. I get a certain feeling in my stomach when I listen to them. I just love the memories of childhood and better days...so if someone could remind me of all that with a smile or in their eyes, that'd be amazing...if I did that for someone...well that'd be a miracle...anyways it's sweet.
She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that
special place
And if I stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me
of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o' mine