wrong
have you ever felt like everything in your life was completely wrong? not bad, just wrong. off. like when your watching a movie and the sound track doesn't fit the picture. i'm stuck as a sine-wave and the rest of the world seems quite content as cosine. 180 degrees out of phase. that's how i feel right now. it's weird that i'm having trouble explaining this, even to myself. but right now it seems absolutely essential to put words to this feeling.
when i'm tired i can't sleep, but when i dread the thought of closing my eyes i can't fight the pull of exhaustion.
i feel like the people around me don't want me here and the people who want me around aren't here.
i want someone who is so bad for me it's almost funny. almost.
i have spent a lot of time and a great deal of effort talking an ex-boyfriend of mine through his latest relationship issue.
i've also spent a fair amount of energy trying to make sure he had no idea how much i understood, because the same thing happened to me but worse.
i've tried to help friends through rough times and be there for their joys and i can't seem to get either of those right.
all things logical have some how stopped and the world that continues makes no sense to me.
i have all this time on my hands and yet i'm constantly panicking that i'm running out of time.
i can't even think any more but some how i still can't get my brain to shut up.
i'm so happy to be done yet it kills me when i realize that for the first time in my life the semester has no direct impact on my life.
i need to change certain things but some how those things seem to be the only ones set in stone.
i feel like i'm waiting for something, but can't sit still.
ok so i realize that i'm a complete nerd and most people will have gotten that from the sin/cos referrence but i just came up with a couple more. i'm in the beta spin state and the world is in the alpha state. my life is +1/2 and the world needs -1/2. i'm an eosinophile and the there's only a world for basophiles.
ok nerd moment over. basically i need to find some way to realign things- and i have no fucking clue how.
when i'm tired i can't sleep, but when i dread the thought of closing my eyes i can't fight the pull of exhaustion.
i feel like the people around me don't want me here and the people who want me around aren't here.
i want someone who is so bad for me it's almost funny. almost.
i have spent a lot of time and a great deal of effort talking an ex-boyfriend of mine through his latest relationship issue.
i've also spent a fair amount of energy trying to make sure he had no idea how much i understood, because the same thing happened to me but worse.
i've tried to help friends through rough times and be there for their joys and i can't seem to get either of those right.
all things logical have some how stopped and the world that continues makes no sense to me.
i have all this time on my hands and yet i'm constantly panicking that i'm running out of time.
i can't even think any more but some how i still can't get my brain to shut up.
i'm so happy to be done yet it kills me when i realize that for the first time in my life the semester has no direct impact on my life.
i need to change certain things but some how those things seem to be the only ones set in stone.
i feel like i'm waiting for something, but can't sit still.
ok so i realize that i'm a complete nerd and most people will have gotten that from the sin/cos referrence but i just came up with a couple more. i'm in the beta spin state and the world is in the alpha state. my life is +1/2 and the world needs -1/2. i'm an eosinophile and the there's only a world for basophiles.
ok nerd moment over. basically i need to find some way to realign things- and i have no fucking clue how.