Uomo otto
I think I'm giving up sex for a while.
I miss Penn State. I miss my friends. I miss feeling at least in some small part that I was worth something. I feel like I'm going to be alone FOR-EV-ER. There is one guy in my life now who I could logically see a future with, but the way things seem now, nothing will ever really happen. Then there's one guy I WANT a future with, but that's not going to happen either and I'd rather just continue to have what we have now.
The rest of them have just been...fun. Let's rewind.
Numero uno. Not everything I always expected it to be, but I was glad it was with who it was. I really loved him. A small part of me wishes I never let him go.
Then there was a whole mess of bullshit that traumatized me, and I never thought I'd get over it or be able to get close to anyone again.
I did. It was the most amazing few years of my life. I'm still sad it ended, but it did. Time to move on with life. Ok, not dwelling, I swear (oh and in there after sex and before relationship there was a slutty period with one passionate encounter and one major mistake)
Next, there was someone I was really attracted to, and would enjoy exploring something with, but that's not going anywhere.
Then, there's Mr. Hot Shot. Makes me smile to think about him, and at another point in our lives maybe it would work out, but I have a feeling the timing's all off. It has been fun dating him though :)
After that there was a fun mistake.
Then there was a big mistake. I'm into him...but he's got a lot of red lights. Lots of baggage. Kinda a bit older than me. I dunno, it was stupid I wish I wasn't so drunk.
So there, my slut card.
I know, I know, I'm not a slut. However, when I regret 3 of those, 2 of them being the last two, it's time to take a look in the mirror.
2 meant something to me, 1 turned into something I really enjoyed, 2 were fun experiences, and 3 I wish I could forget at this point.
So, maybe abstaining for a while isn't such a bad idea. I'll feel a lot better...I think. I'll just hopefully get this job, dive into work, and stop being so pathetically lonely.
I miss Penn State. I miss my friends. I miss feeling at least in some small part that I was worth something. I feel like I'm going to be alone FOR-EV-ER. There is one guy in my life now who I could logically see a future with, but the way things seem now, nothing will ever really happen. Then there's one guy I WANT a future with, but that's not going to happen either and I'd rather just continue to have what we have now.
The rest of them have just been...fun. Let's rewind.
Numero uno. Not everything I always expected it to be, but I was glad it was with who it was. I really loved him. A small part of me wishes I never let him go.
Then there was a whole mess of bullshit that traumatized me, and I never thought I'd get over it or be able to get close to anyone again.
I did. It was the most amazing few years of my life. I'm still sad it ended, but it did. Time to move on with life. Ok, not dwelling, I swear (oh and in there after sex and before relationship there was a slutty period with one passionate encounter and one major mistake)
Next, there was someone I was really attracted to, and would enjoy exploring something with, but that's not going anywhere.
Then, there's Mr. Hot Shot. Makes me smile to think about him, and at another point in our lives maybe it would work out, but I have a feeling the timing's all off. It has been fun dating him though :)
After that there was a fun mistake.
Then there was a big mistake. I'm into him...but he's got a lot of red lights. Lots of baggage. Kinda a bit older than me. I dunno, it was stupid I wish I wasn't so drunk.
So there, my slut card.
I know, I know, I'm not a slut. However, when I regret 3 of those, 2 of them being the last two, it's time to take a look in the mirror.
2 meant something to me, 1 turned into something I really enjoyed, 2 were fun experiences, and 3 I wish I could forget at this point.
So, maybe abstaining for a while isn't such a bad idea. I'll feel a lot better...I think. I'll just hopefully get this job, dive into work, and stop being so pathetically lonely.