love puzzle

[alvion]

I have the opportunity to work on an experimental game for a couple weeks at work. The game I'm working on is, of course, a love story. I made a first pass at the introductory story and thought I would get some feedback on it before I had to subject myself to the opinions of my coworkers

Comments

[omgchead]

imo it's awesome the only thing i would change would be to remove some adjectives that may not be needed since it's stylistically heavy on exposition already

ex: "There was indeed once a poor and lonely little boy who lived in the bony little branches of an old dead tree, just there on the fringe of a common little village."

it sounds like a really neat concept you should def update abt it as you go :)

[alvion]

thanks! yeah, the overuse of adjectives was an attempt at making it sound kind of the way an excited little kid would say it. i think i like how it sounds, but i'm curious how it strikes other people, so i appreciate the feedback! i may tone it down a little, but if it isn't over the top, it may seem less intentional.

the story only hints at the game concept, which is itself pretty damn cool. the statement of the game is actually not about love, its about communication between people, hence the parallel universes and the limited communication and interaction.

[donquixote]

this is beautiful & amazing & i have been this boy before.