love puzzle
I have the opportunity to work on an experimental game for a couple weeks at work. The game I'm working on is, of course, a love story. I made a first pass at the introductory story and thought I would get some feedback on it before I had to subject myself to the opinions of my coworkers.
It's a little bit saccharine I know, and there is an intentional overuse of diminutive adjectives, so let me know if it comes off as too much. Grammar criticism is appreciated as well (hey man, give me a break, I didn't go to college).
There was indeed once a poor and lonely little boy who lived in the bony little branches of an old dead tree, just there on the fringe of a common little village. And this lonely little boy - he was very very lonely indeed - was all alone in his bony little tree with its smooth ivory branches made hard and brittle by the weather and the sun. He was sick, and with each passing year, living all alone in his old dead tree just there on the edge of the village, he seemed to grow sicker and sicker. You see, his tiny little lungs couldn't draw enough breath to completely fill his chest. Each labored breath felt just ever so slightly more shallow than the last. No matter how he tried to squeeze his determined little fists, or clench tight his jaw, or heave with every little muscle in his stomach, he couldn't seem to fill his chest with that satisfying feeling of a full and truly deep breath.
And so, as the seasons came and went his breath became shorter and shorter, and the days for him felt longer and longer. And one day, by which time his shallow and labored little breaths drew barely a whisper, he climbed down the branches of his bony little house and sought the help of the wise old man at center of the village. He arrived at the gnarled brown house at the center of the village and began to tell the wise old man his problem, but the old man cut him off and began to speak.
“Say no more my boy, anyone as old as me can see clear as day that there's nothing wrong with those young little lungs of yours, it's your heart that's the trouble! Your heart is swollen boy, swollen up like a meaty balloon in that tiny little chest of yours. Your heart is swollen because it's all tied up in knotty little knots, in tangly little knots with the heart of another. They are connected, those two hearts, and the distance between them is pulling your veiny little veins tighter and tighter, strangling your poor little heart and causing it to swell and swell with air, making a big empty hole in your tiny little chest that will keep growing and growing until your heart just finally bursts.”
The old man stared compassionately at the boy and the boy looked down at the floor. He knew that what the old man said was true, could feel it himself. He could feel the gentle pull of a distant and mysterious heart tugging unwaveringly at his own. The old man placed his wrinkled old hand across the boys chest and measured his shallow little breaths intently. He pursed his lips and his eyes fell heavy with sadness, and he spoke again.
“I'm sorry my boy, but its worse than I thought. The heart you've become entwined with is beyond the farthest reaches of this world. It isn't atop a mountain, across a desert, or even at the bottom of the sea. The heart you seek is in another world, indeed in a strange and distant universe entirely separate from our own. Now, I happen to know that it is in fact possible to leave our universe if you were to go in search of this world, but know this: once you leave you may never come back. There are more universes out there than there are flowers in the valley, and no maps or roads to help you navigate them. You will have only the longing you feel within your heart to guide you, and to be honest with you my boy, the odds are against you. However, if you do decide to go, take this.”
The old man handed the boy a smooth black stone, sheared cleanly in half down the middle.
“This will help you in your quest. If your lonely little heart is the signal, think of this as the antenna.”
The boy nodded quietly, looked once again at the old man before walking outside. He stood alone in front of the house, gripped the black piece of stone so tightly it began to cut into his palm, closed his eyes and let go of everything. The feeling was, he decided, like he simply evaporated, and just like that he was carried away on the wind.
The game is actually a two-player game, and there will be a girl version of this same intro sequence that plays out for the other player. The goal of the game is to traverse the infinitude of parallel universes in search of each other.
It's a little bit saccharine I know, and there is an intentional overuse of diminutive adjectives, so let me know if it comes off as too much. Grammar criticism is appreciated as well (hey man, give me a break, I didn't go to college).
There was indeed once a poor and lonely little boy who lived in the bony little branches of an old dead tree, just there on the fringe of a common little village. And this lonely little boy - he was very very lonely indeed - was all alone in his bony little tree with its smooth ivory branches made hard and brittle by the weather and the sun. He was sick, and with each passing year, living all alone in his old dead tree just there on the edge of the village, he seemed to grow sicker and sicker. You see, his tiny little lungs couldn't draw enough breath to completely fill his chest. Each labored breath felt just ever so slightly more shallow than the last. No matter how he tried to squeeze his determined little fists, or clench tight his jaw, or heave with every little muscle in his stomach, he couldn't seem to fill his chest with that satisfying feeling of a full and truly deep breath.
And so, as the seasons came and went his breath became shorter and shorter, and the days for him felt longer and longer. And one day, by which time his shallow and labored little breaths drew barely a whisper, he climbed down the branches of his bony little house and sought the help of the wise old man at center of the village. He arrived at the gnarled brown house at the center of the village and began to tell the wise old man his problem, but the old man cut him off and began to speak.
“Say no more my boy, anyone as old as me can see clear as day that there's nothing wrong with those young little lungs of yours, it's your heart that's the trouble! Your heart is swollen boy, swollen up like a meaty balloon in that tiny little chest of yours. Your heart is swollen because it's all tied up in knotty little knots, in tangly little knots with the heart of another. They are connected, those two hearts, and the distance between them is pulling your veiny little veins tighter and tighter, strangling your poor little heart and causing it to swell and swell with air, making a big empty hole in your tiny little chest that will keep growing and growing until your heart just finally bursts.”
The old man stared compassionately at the boy and the boy looked down at the floor. He knew that what the old man said was true, could feel it himself. He could feel the gentle pull of a distant and mysterious heart tugging unwaveringly at his own. The old man placed his wrinkled old hand across the boys chest and measured his shallow little breaths intently. He pursed his lips and his eyes fell heavy with sadness, and he spoke again.
“I'm sorry my boy, but its worse than I thought. The heart you've become entwined with is beyond the farthest reaches of this world. It isn't atop a mountain, across a desert, or even at the bottom of the sea. The heart you seek is in another world, indeed in a strange and distant universe entirely separate from our own. Now, I happen to know that it is in fact possible to leave our universe if you were to go in search of this world, but know this: once you leave you may never come back. There are more universes out there than there are flowers in the valley, and no maps or roads to help you navigate them. You will have only the longing you feel within your heart to guide you, and to be honest with you my boy, the odds are against you. However, if you do decide to go, take this.”
The old man handed the boy a smooth black stone, sheared cleanly in half down the middle.
“This will help you in your quest. If your lonely little heart is the signal, think of this as the antenna.”
The boy nodded quietly, looked once again at the old man before walking outside. He stood alone in front of the house, gripped the black piece of stone so tightly it began to cut into his palm, closed his eyes and let go of everything. The feeling was, he decided, like he simply evaporated, and just like that he was carried away on the wind.
The game is actually a two-player game, and there will be a girl version of this same intro sequence that plays out for the other player. The goal of the game is to traverse the infinitude of parallel universes in search of each other.