Pondering LJ names and RL names
Okay, so I know a bunch of my flisties real life names, but I'm reluctant to use them.
I know I'm a relatively bad LJer. What I mean by that is, I primarily use LJ for reading purposes. I started my journal back in '04 to do a Giles ficathon because I'd been into fan fiction for a while at that point, and wanted to actually write some. In that vain, I'd found a few journals I was reading all the time: wolfling, wesleysgirl, and janedavitt. They were posting some really good stories in the buffy verse and I wanted to read them all! Most of my friends list, at that point, built from them. Then it was bloodclaim because of Spander, and that's when things really exploded for me. But it was still mostly all about the fiction. I didn't post personal stuff, and really only used my journal for commenting and/or posting my own (truly bad, now that I look back on it) stories.
Some of those people I'd friended over on bloodclaim I still have on my flist, though our fandom ways have since parted (me to SGA and Supernatural, them to Torchwood and Dr. Who and other shows), but I still keep them on my flist because I like reading about them. I grew into posting more about my own personal life, because I was floundering for a while in my real life.
I'm still relatively young for the teaching profession, and it's been hard to make friends with people in my real life, because I don't have anything in common with many of the people I work with. I'm 5 to 10 years older than the young single people, and the antics of the young irritate me. However, I'm not married, nor do I have any children - unlike most of my contemporaries. I sort of fall in the middle cracks here. Therefore, LJ became a haven for me - people of like mind (at least fannishly) and who are in much the same boat as I am. Seeing (or reading) people like me everyday made me feel like I was not alone in my strangeness.
So over the course of a few years, I got to know people on LJ. I learned who they are, what they like, their beliefs and sadness and joys. That's been wonderful! I've even learned people's names so that when I see "Cate" or "Sue" or "Andrea" or "Claire" I know who those people are. But do I ever call them that? No. Well, I sometimes use Sue's name, but it's part of her lj name, so I don't know if that counts. I feel like...I, maybe, need to share more of myself and be invited before I call someone by their real name in their journal. And there are some who I know will never invite me to do that, because though we may share fandoms and opinions about fandoms we occupy polar opposite ends of the policical/ideological spectrum. Which is to say that perhaps we would be friendly in real life, we'd probably never be friends. And, I'm okay with that. I've learned so much from those whose opinions and positions differ from mine, and I appreciate that acquired knowledge, I do. But it doesn't necessarily make us friends, and it certainly doesn't give me the right to presume a closeness that really isn't there.
For me, using real names is predicated upon a mutual supposition of 'real' friendship. I see how close some of my other flisties are with each other and I think to myself, "I'd like to have that! I want some LJ friends like THAT," and I wonder how one goes about cultivating those relationships in the ether. Is it because they're so open with each other? Is it because they're in closer proximity to each other? waht is it that makes some LJers closer, but leaves me feeling like an outsider - even here? And it's that distance I feel from people that keeps me from being able to call people by their given names.
Using my flisties given names mean that we are on the same page, that we share ideals and beliefs enough to be more than friendly online personalities. It means that we would take the time to meet up for coffee if either one of us were in the other's home towns. It means that we exchange gifts at the holidays - not just cards. It means that we are of like mind about more than fandom and/or character. It means that we are close enough and care enough about each other to listen when one of us is in dire straits. We would be close enough to offer comfort.
Perhaps this is just my own...I don't know...insecurity, maybe?... but I don't really feel like I've made that kind of connection with anyone here on LJ. And the thing is, I want to know what's holding me back from doing that? Why is it that I don't feel comfortable calling people whom I've known for years now by their first names?
I don't know. If you've made it this far, despite the tl;dr, and if any of you think you might know the answer to that quesiton, I'd be more than happy to hear it. Because I swear to God, I'd like to be able to feel comfortable enough to visit some of your journals and kick up my feet and call ya by your real names. What would make that possible? And if you already feel we're close enough to do so, then...smack me in the head and tell me that too. :)
I know I'm a relatively bad LJer. What I mean by that is, I primarily use LJ for reading purposes. I started my journal back in '04 to do a Giles ficathon because I'd been into fan fiction for a while at that point, and wanted to actually write some. In that vain, I'd found a few journals I was reading all the time: wolfling, wesleysgirl, and janedavitt. They were posting some really good stories in the buffy verse and I wanted to read them all! Most of my friends list, at that point, built from them. Then it was bloodclaim because of Spander, and that's when things really exploded for me. But it was still mostly all about the fiction. I didn't post personal stuff, and really only used my journal for commenting and/or posting my own (truly bad, now that I look back on it) stories.
Some of those people I'd friended over on bloodclaim I still have on my flist, though our fandom ways have since parted (me to SGA and Supernatural, them to Torchwood and Dr. Who and other shows), but I still keep them on my flist because I like reading about them. I grew into posting more about my own personal life, because I was floundering for a while in my real life.
I'm still relatively young for the teaching profession, and it's been hard to make friends with people in my real life, because I don't have anything in common with many of the people I work with. I'm 5 to 10 years older than the young single people, and the antics of the young irritate me. However, I'm not married, nor do I have any children - unlike most of my contemporaries. I sort of fall in the middle cracks here. Therefore, LJ became a haven for me - people of like mind (at least fannishly) and who are in much the same boat as I am. Seeing (or reading) people like me everyday made me feel like I was not alone in my strangeness.
So over the course of a few years, I got to know people on LJ. I learned who they are, what they like, their beliefs and sadness and joys. That's been wonderful! I've even learned people's names so that when I see "Cate" or "Sue" or "Andrea" or "Claire" I know who those people are. But do I ever call them that? No. Well, I sometimes use Sue's name, but it's part of her lj name, so I don't know if that counts. I feel like...I, maybe, need to share more of myself and be invited before I call someone by their real name in their journal. And there are some who I know will never invite me to do that, because though we may share fandoms and opinions about fandoms we occupy polar opposite ends of the policical/ideological spectrum. Which is to say that perhaps we would be friendly in real life, we'd probably never be friends. And, I'm okay with that. I've learned so much from those whose opinions and positions differ from mine, and I appreciate that acquired knowledge, I do. But it doesn't necessarily make us friends, and it certainly doesn't give me the right to presume a closeness that really isn't there.
For me, using real names is predicated upon a mutual supposition of 'real' friendship. I see how close some of my other flisties are with each other and I think to myself, "I'd like to have that! I want some LJ friends like THAT," and I wonder how one goes about cultivating those relationships in the ether. Is it because they're so open with each other? Is it because they're in closer proximity to each other? waht is it that makes some LJers closer, but leaves me feeling like an outsider - even here? And it's that distance I feel from people that keeps me from being able to call people by their given names.
Using my flisties given names mean that we are on the same page, that we share ideals and beliefs enough to be more than friendly online personalities. It means that we would take the time to meet up for coffee if either one of us were in the other's home towns. It means that we exchange gifts at the holidays - not just cards. It means that we are of like mind about more than fandom and/or character. It means that we are close enough and care enough about each other to listen when one of us is in dire straits. We would be close enough to offer comfort.
Perhaps this is just my own...I don't know...insecurity, maybe?... but I don't really feel like I've made that kind of connection with anyone here on LJ. And the thing is, I want to know what's holding me back from doing that? Why is it that I don't feel comfortable calling people whom I've known for years now by their first names?
I don't know. If you've made it this far, despite the tl;dr, and if any of you think you might know the answer to that quesiton, I'd be more than happy to hear it. Because I swear to God, I'd like to be able to feel comfortable enough to visit some of your journals and kick up my feet and call ya by your real names. What would make that possible? And if you already feel we're close enough to do so, then...smack me in the head and tell me that too. :)