time passed...
you know, i miss this 'place'. i look back and can't believe it's been more than a year since i posted, but then again, i *can* believe it. it says a lot about how much time i've given myself for.... me? ...or am i kidding myself and it just says i'm a huge ball of procrastination (not exactly a shocking revelation, i know)?
and now? basically i'm not sure what i want this to be. on the one hand, part of me wants it to become more personal and about day to day things that come up in my real life, but on another hand (yes, i realize i only have two, but we're talking in the figurative sense here) this was always an alternate reality of sorts. not that this reality was any less valuable to me than the reality of real every day life. it was just a different place. i enjoyed having that place to vent or amuse myself or this or that. on yet another hand, part of me wants it to be a place to not take things so seriously. laugh. talk shit. flirt. be opinionated about trivial things. vote in meaningless polls. find out how many other people in the world (i guess more accurately it should be 'the lj world') have 'matching underwear sets' as an interest (the answer as of this evening: 2).
what does all this conflict mean? do i need more than one journal? (no, that's far too much trouble) do i need filtered posts? (no, i don't even like the idea of 'friends only' posts) or do i just roll everything into one? (???) i have no idea. i don't even know why i'm even considering this since i probably won't post here for another year (i like to set the expectations low so any minuscule effort is seen as a huge improvement).
i also enjoyed some of the people. i'd even go so far as to say i've missed some of them. okay, i've definitely missed some of them. sure- much of this is surface chatter here and there, but i absolutely connected with some in a way that was and still is unforgettable. connection is something i've always valued and treasured in my life. it's something this medium allowed for without the pretense of barriers that tend to exist in real life. i like what you write. i have no idea who you really are, but yes i agree with this and that and this again. in a way it normalizes one down to something that everyone has in common: what we can type into a text box, most of which i'm hoping came from one's very own brain.
anyway, i'm alive. i'm 29. i (now) have high blood pressure. i (still) love the beach. that's enough for now.
and now? basically i'm not sure what i want this to be. on the one hand, part of me wants it to become more personal and about day to day things that come up in my real life, but on another hand (yes, i realize i only have two, but we're talking in the figurative sense here) this was always an alternate reality of sorts. not that this reality was any less valuable to me than the reality of real every day life. it was just a different place. i enjoyed having that place to vent or amuse myself or this or that. on yet another hand, part of me wants it to be a place to not take things so seriously. laugh. talk shit. flirt. be opinionated about trivial things. vote in meaningless polls. find out how many other people in the world (i guess more accurately it should be 'the lj world') have 'matching underwear sets' as an interest (the answer as of this evening: 2).
what does all this conflict mean? do i need more than one journal? (no, that's far too much trouble) do i need filtered posts? (no, i don't even like the idea of 'friends only' posts) or do i just roll everything into one? (???) i have no idea. i don't even know why i'm even considering this since i probably won't post here for another year (i like to set the expectations low so any minuscule effort is seen as a huge improvement).
i also enjoyed some of the people. i'd even go so far as to say i've missed some of them. okay, i've definitely missed some of them. sure- much of this is surface chatter here and there, but i absolutely connected with some in a way that was and still is unforgettable. connection is something i've always valued and treasured in my life. it's something this medium allowed for without the pretense of barriers that tend to exist in real life. i like what you write. i have no idea who you really are, but yes i agree with this and that and this again. in a way it normalizes one down to something that everyone has in common: what we can type into a text box, most of which i'm hoping came from one's very own brain.
anyway, i'm alive. i'm 29. i (now) have high blood pressure. i (still) love the beach. that's enough for now.