Hypnotized...
As I sit here in my room in Québec, with candles and listening to Paul Oakenfold and I think of my father, and speak to him and he is doing well...and I think and thinking is never quite good when you are all alone and lonely, and so my thoughts lead to tears and I repress them by writing in this journal, where I feel that the floodgates can be opened through my hands and fingers.
Electronic sanctitude.
I think of the future and of what I hope to accomplish, and what I hope to behold. I think of my father and how I hope and pray for him every day and wish him joy and health and long life and I cant wait for him to return to his home that he so adores. I think of school, and hope that I will have enough courage, sanctity and grace to do as well as possible and be accepted to a school of my choice for my masters. I think of my other, and hope that we will stay together for as long as God wishes us to be, and I pray that that will be forever. I look to my friends and wish them luck and success and hope that they fufill all their dreams. I see my family in my mind's eye and long for their happiness and good luck.
Inside myself I see many turbulent emotions spilling over one another, like a song with multiple beats, like the waves lapping over the sands and the sun splaying over rippling seas. I do not like everything that I have done with myself and with others. I do not like the actions that I have displayed, I do not envy myself at moments in my life and indeed, regards those moments with quiet disdain and even regret sometimes. I hope that in the future I will be able to better orient myself and do more good than bad with my actions and my words.
I do not wish to stay in the past, and yet keep getting pulled back into it with my thoughts. I have moved on and I am happy to say that I feel like a new person. You have certainly helped in that, all of you have been amazing to me. Let me just take a moment to say that T, A, S, L and of course Z, you have all been there for me in different ways and I can not help but thank you from the bottom of my heart. I look to the future and hope that we will all remain close and not disparate on our journeys. D, you have also touched me, even though I sometimes am reluctant to admit to it, but the more I know you now, the more I regard you as a normal individual, one with slight words of wisdom, but nevertheless someone with my best intentions somewhere hidden inside himself. And a part of me thanks you when I think of what we went through and how I am more wise because of it.
Of course dear Lord, I am not forgetting the infinity that is you. I am not forgetting the embodiement of everything that you are, and what you have done each and every passing moment for everyone on this earth. You are more, you are beyond, you are something else and I respect that. My relation with you is my own and no one can take that away from me. If I was to meet angels along my path, then I know you placed them there, and I have never been more thankful.
So I look to the future and see but a bright light and hopefully open spaces that will gently fill with hopes, dreams and aspirations come true.
Inch'Allah.
Electronic sanctitude.
I think of the future and of what I hope to accomplish, and what I hope to behold. I think of my father and how I hope and pray for him every day and wish him joy and health and long life and I cant wait for him to return to his home that he so adores. I think of school, and hope that I will have enough courage, sanctity and grace to do as well as possible and be accepted to a school of my choice for my masters. I think of my other, and hope that we will stay together for as long as God wishes us to be, and I pray that that will be forever. I look to my friends and wish them luck and success and hope that they fufill all their dreams. I see my family in my mind's eye and long for their happiness and good luck.
Inside myself I see many turbulent emotions spilling over one another, like a song with multiple beats, like the waves lapping over the sands and the sun splaying over rippling seas. I do not like everything that I have done with myself and with others. I do not like the actions that I have displayed, I do not envy myself at moments in my life and indeed, regards those moments with quiet disdain and even regret sometimes. I hope that in the future I will be able to better orient myself and do more good than bad with my actions and my words.
I do not wish to stay in the past, and yet keep getting pulled back into it with my thoughts. I have moved on and I am happy to say that I feel like a new person. You have certainly helped in that, all of you have been amazing to me. Let me just take a moment to say that T, A, S, L and of course Z, you have all been there for me in different ways and I can not help but thank you from the bottom of my heart. I look to the future and hope that we will all remain close and not disparate on our journeys. D, you have also touched me, even though I sometimes am reluctant to admit to it, but the more I know you now, the more I regard you as a normal individual, one with slight words of wisdom, but nevertheless someone with my best intentions somewhere hidden inside himself. And a part of me thanks you when I think of what we went through and how I am more wise because of it.
Of course dear Lord, I am not forgetting the infinity that is you. I am not forgetting the embodiement of everything that you are, and what you have done each and every passing moment for everyone on this earth. You are more, you are beyond, you are something else and I respect that. My relation with you is my own and no one can take that away from me. If I was to meet angels along my path, then I know you placed them there, and I have never been more thankful.
So I look to the future and see but a bright light and hopefully open spaces that will gently fill with hopes, dreams and aspirations come true.
Inch'Allah.