The sight of moonfall as it clouds my view...
I feel so out of place at
school. Sure, I've got friends. I have lots of "friends,"
actually. But none of them really seem to know me. They all
have their little groups within our group. Katie, Amadea,
Vanessa, Valerie, Margo... the anime people. Erin, Charlotte,
Hannah... the what's-up-with-this-anime-stuff people. Jenna,
Stella, Emily... the sit-at-another-table people. There are the
up-to-date TV people. There are the
read-or-do-homework-all-of-lunch-period people. There are the
people like Puck, who just fit in everywhere. And then there's
me, who doesn't really belong. Sure, I like InuYasha. Sure, I watch Lost. Sure, I visit the other table sometimes. But I'm not really a part of any of these groups.
I barely even talk to my sophmores anymore. Somehow, I have the feeling that they don't want me around. Mostly it's Bridget and Hannah and the other Flashback people. Even Anne... I've known her longer than any of the sophmores (except Jennifer), but she's different now than she used to be. Jennifer's the only sophmore that really talks to me now.
I've been drawing back. I'm not close to any of these people anymore. Even the "Soulless Trio" isn't as strong as it was at the beginning of the year. Amanda ignores me when Joanie's around. And Joanie's mean to me (again, it's the whole I'm-not-obsessed-with-anime-thing). Katie goes to have lunch with them in the hall instead of in the cafeteria with us.
I want to try out being around other people. I kinda quit Sci-Fi Club after no one watched the movies and sat around talking about Flashback. Archery Club died. I want to try going to Theater Club or Writing Club, but I feel awkward if I do things alone, especially this late in the year. All the really awesome people I know go to Theater Club. Maybe someone there will like me more than my current "friends." I really wish I hadn't been sick for One-Acts auditions. I want to be there so bad right now. I listen to people who are in the One-Acts or were in Drood, and they talk about how much fun it was. They have all these inside jokes. They have pictures. And then I realize that I'm listening in on people's conversations and looking over their shoulders, and I try to go back to what I was doing. When Puck comes back from One-Act practice, she complains about being there so late, but she's happy, because she has fun with her friends there. I want that. I want to be part of a group that loves me and that I can have fun with.
I feel closer to people I know online than people I know at school. Even people I know at school, but talk to most online, I feel close to. Puck, Rebecca, my random sisters, Stagey, Coney...
I barely even talk to my sophmores anymore. Somehow, I have the feeling that they don't want me around. Mostly it's Bridget and Hannah and the other Flashback people. Even Anne... I've known her longer than any of the sophmores (except Jennifer), but she's different now than she used to be. Jennifer's the only sophmore that really talks to me now.
I've been drawing back. I'm not close to any of these people anymore. Even the "Soulless Trio" isn't as strong as it was at the beginning of the year. Amanda ignores me when Joanie's around. And Joanie's mean to me (again, it's the whole I'm-not-obsessed-with-anime-thing). Katie goes to have lunch with them in the hall instead of in the cafeteria with us.
I want to try out being around other people. I kinda quit Sci-Fi Club after no one watched the movies and sat around talking about Flashback. Archery Club died. I want to try going to Theater Club or Writing Club, but I feel awkward if I do things alone, especially this late in the year. All the really awesome people I know go to Theater Club. Maybe someone there will like me more than my current "friends." I really wish I hadn't been sick for One-Acts auditions. I want to be there so bad right now. I listen to people who are in the One-Acts or were in Drood, and they talk about how much fun it was. They have all these inside jokes. They have pictures. And then I realize that I'm listening in on people's conversations and looking over their shoulders, and I try to go back to what I was doing. When Puck comes back from One-Act practice, she complains about being there so late, but she's happy, because she has fun with her friends there. I want that. I want to be part of a group that loves me and that I can have fun with.
I feel closer to people I know online than people I know at school. Even people I know at school, but talk to most online, I feel close to. Puck, Rebecca, my random sisters, Stagey, Coney...