S.A.D.
i may have seasonal depression.
i didn't get this homesick in the summer when i came home and had to go back to halifax...
anyway, i hate school. i hate money and bills. i hate having to worry about so many things in my life. sometimes i want to quit school all together. i love my few halifax friends (greg, shean, danine, amanda, ted, probably two others) but as usual i come back home and don't want to leave. i don't want to go back to all the responsibilities and stress. i don't want to feel guilty anymore. the last few days of christmas vacation are torturous. they tear me to shreads because i hate leaving my family. i think i wrote this exact same entry twice before. once last christmas and once in the summer.
anyway, the point is i feel very alone all the time. i hate this. i don't like feeling sorry for myself. my dad said (after talking to him about all the reasons i hate school and halifax for an hour) that i analyze things to death and that i was very unique and people who analyze as much as i do are rarely analyzing toward any positive conclusions which is why i get so miserable and why people in my life so often disappoint me. i think he might be right. but whatever. i'm not going to NOT think about things and people and why things happen and why people take certain actions.
big tangent.
so, yeah. i love chrsitmas. i hate my life in halifax. i am clearly not happy and the most certainty i get for my parents is that anything i decide to do is my decision and no one can decide for me. this is not comforting.
zack, you really beat the shit out of me last night. i will now admit that you are much stronger than me even with around 12 beers and some vodka in you.
bye bye
i didn't get this homesick in the summer when i came home and had to go back to halifax...
anyway, i hate school. i hate money and bills. i hate having to worry about so many things in my life. sometimes i want to quit school all together. i love my few halifax friends (greg, shean, danine, amanda, ted, probably two others) but as usual i come back home and don't want to leave. i don't want to go back to all the responsibilities and stress. i don't want to feel guilty anymore. the last few days of christmas vacation are torturous. they tear me to shreads because i hate leaving my family. i think i wrote this exact same entry twice before. once last christmas and once in the summer.
anyway, the point is i feel very alone all the time. i hate this. i don't like feeling sorry for myself. my dad said (after talking to him about all the reasons i hate school and halifax for an hour) that i analyze things to death and that i was very unique and people who analyze as much as i do are rarely analyzing toward any positive conclusions which is why i get so miserable and why people in my life so often disappoint me. i think he might be right. but whatever. i'm not going to NOT think about things and people and why things happen and why people take certain actions.
big tangent.
so, yeah. i love chrsitmas. i hate my life in halifax. i am clearly not happy and the most certainty i get for my parents is that anything i decide to do is my decision and no one can decide for me. this is not comforting.
zack, you really beat the shit out of me last night. i will now admit that you are much stronger than me even with around 12 beers and some vodka in you.
bye bye