.::WeDnEsDaY:I cAnT sLeeP::.
hey there!! i havent written for a while. jenni came last weekend!! WOOHOO!! omg we had a BLAST!! she came on thursday night, like at 9:30, so we didnt do much that night, just kinda talked.. caught up.. visited. On Friday we stayed in our pajamas all day and watched some really confusing movie with Alix and Kellie about pillheads, coke addicts, and other drugs. Then friday night we went to a couple haunted things with Aunt Sandy.. it was GREAT!! we went to St. Ritas haunted house and it was HILARIOUS!! me and jen were both like freaking out and we decided we didnt want the people who worked there to know our names like they did last year because we kept getting scared and being like AHH JEN!! and so we were the geniouses that wore our Mileys Jen 1 and Jen 2 hoodies!! Then we went to the haunted estates and waited in line for 2 hours and met these really nice girls name whitney and jackie, so we said we were all in the same group and so we all went in together. we also went to big boy.. it was sooo funny!! jen ordered mac & cheese and they gave her like this little blob, like barely a handful, of it. HAH! good times! it was really nice seeing aunt sandy too, i havent hung out with her forever. i miss her! then on sunday we went to the mall, and i bought everything, jenni bought some things. we got matching switch plate covers that say "love is nothing but trouble" its really cute!! Then we went to gramma zims on sunday night for dinner with the zimmermans.. it was really nice seeing gramma zim! i miss her too!! but yeah that was fun. then we went home back to my house and we got REALLY hyper. we were like spazzin out.. heh! then we tried to go to bed and i kept buggin jenni and i was laying like RIGHT next to her and shes like "OMG WHY ARE YOU MOLESTING ME!?" and i was like "-pouts- im really scared" it was really funny. then she left monday morning. ((good times jen!! -crosses arms and pouts-... laughing meditation, AYAYYAYAY HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!... line dancin...)) man i love that gurl!!
other subjects.. there is so much shit goin on right now!! ok, amanda loves cody. cody really lead amanda on. cody likes me ((or atleast he says he does who knows? maybe he just wants a gf..)) and i sorta, well i guess you can say i do, like cody. but the problem is i LOVE john. like.. i still love john a lot and im sure i will for a while. and i also like dustin. the only people that know i kinda like cody are jenni, danielle g, and cody. i cant tell anyone else because i cant do that to amanda. she like loves him. and when i went out with john the first time she kinda liked him, and she kinda likes dustin. i told her i liked dustin cuz i have for like the bad 3 weeks so i told her that and she didnt care. but i cant steal like 3 guys from her. especially cody. so its all one big mess and everyone keeps bein like "cody just give up on her cuz shell never like you you dont even have a chance" and stuff like that and i feel sooo bad because its like.. he has to go thru all this pain dealin with people being mean to him cuz he likes me and i like him and he knows that. its itchin me. i have NO IDEA what to do. its bad. i feel like shit about the whole thing. 8/
yeea.. and john, i guess, was talking to tia and this is there convo..
tia:: would you go back out with jenna if she asked you?
john:: im going out with heather.
tia:: but if you werent going out with heater, would you?
john:: uhh.. YEA!
tia:: do you still like her?
john:: no tia... duh! yeah!
tia:: whyd you break up with her?
john:: cuz i thought i was moving to dayton.
tia:: if you and heather broke up would you ask her back out?
john:: i guess, yeah..
isnt that just messed up?? i swear if he asks me back out im gonna force myself to say no. no matter how much i love him, and how much i cry, i wont ever let him do that to me again. he thinks he can just pick me up and drop me whenever he can.
ive been thinking a lot about mileys. it hurts. i always think about george, mileys, me and jen laughin with aunt barb and anna, the dock, cryin on the dock the last night we were there, the talent show.. i think its hittin me in slow motion. i miss george. its almost like... i know that if he didnt die, this wouldnt happen right now. if he was alive, i would be great, and i would be countin down til mileys not millers.. millers... thats like a hick name for mileys. i feel bad about this. i feel like im trying to replace mileys. i dont ever want to forget it. i dont ever wanna forget sitting on aunt barbs bed with jen and anna and aunt barb and barb. i dont want to forget hearing "keep me in your heart for a while" by todd as a dedication to george and bawling my eyes out. i dont wanna forget crying with jenni on the end of the dock the last night we were there. i dont wanna forget the campfires.. stevies play ground.. the dock and the way my name was written on my board, or how annas board always stuck out because it was carved so deep. i dont wanna forget singing the rose with annie and aunt sandy and her not being there the last year. i dont wanna forget the way the office looked before they locked it up and had office hours and a golf cart with CUSTOMER SERVICE plastered on it. i dont wanna forget the way the well water tasted. i dont wanna forget signing up for ternaments i never participated in, or how we always wrote our acts on the talent show list, knowing it didnt matter if we wrote it down or not. i dont wanna forget walking from stevies playground past far hills on the beach and laughing when the sand sucked in our feet, or getting stuck in the weeds in the tacky yellow and orange paddle boats. i dont wanna forget how cold but good the water felt after dancing for 3 hours and jumping into it off the dock in the dark. i dont wanna forget "funday", or the caldwells. i dont wanna forget the macaronie and cheese or how every year i would gain atleast 4 lbs. i dont wanna forget screaming and running from the skunks with my flashlight. i dont wanna forget the fudge from brown wood, or cheese teezers from dockside. i dont wanna forget getting major air and hitting the tube so hard it hurt, or when wed go and look for the old car at the bottom of the lake and pretending we saw it. i dont wanna forget going loon watching with my uncle rob and my daddy. i dont wanna forget the big old trash tractor that we used to ride when we were little, but stopped when we all sad on it and the back fell off. i dont wanna forget watching bert mow the lawn. or capture flag, and how we complained we hated it because it was itchy and hot but secretly knowing inside we loved it. i dont wanna forget waking up at 4 in the morning and not leaving til 6:30, or turning that last street corner onto mileys road while holding my breath and thanking god for all the time i got to spend there. i dont want to forget doug, or when we were in the boat and laura got stung by a bee and doug went a bout a billion miles back to mileys in the boat. i dont want to forget the north arm, or when me and jen would tube and talk about "elbones" instead of "elbows". i dont wanna forget anything.. the grass, the way the cabins looked, the docks, the bell, the dining hall. im so scared im gonna forget, and not even have the memory of my entire life.
other subjects.. there is so much shit goin on right now!! ok, amanda loves cody. cody really lead amanda on. cody likes me ((or atleast he says he does who knows? maybe he just wants a gf..)) and i sorta, well i guess you can say i do, like cody. but the problem is i LOVE john. like.. i still love john a lot and im sure i will for a while. and i also like dustin. the only people that know i kinda like cody are jenni, danielle g, and cody. i cant tell anyone else because i cant do that to amanda. she like loves him. and when i went out with john the first time she kinda liked him, and she kinda likes dustin. i told her i liked dustin cuz i have for like the bad 3 weeks so i told her that and she didnt care. but i cant steal like 3 guys from her. especially cody. so its all one big mess and everyone keeps bein like "cody just give up on her cuz shell never like you you dont even have a chance" and stuff like that and i feel sooo bad because its like.. he has to go thru all this pain dealin with people being mean to him cuz he likes me and i like him and he knows that. its itchin me. i have NO IDEA what to do. its bad. i feel like shit about the whole thing. 8/
yeea.. and john, i guess, was talking to tia and this is there convo..
tia:: would you go back out with jenna if she asked you?
john:: im going out with heather.
tia:: but if you werent going out with heater, would you?
john:: uhh.. YEA!
tia:: do you still like her?
john:: no tia... duh! yeah!
tia:: whyd you break up with her?
john:: cuz i thought i was moving to dayton.
tia:: if you and heather broke up would you ask her back out?
john:: i guess, yeah..
isnt that just messed up?? i swear if he asks me back out im gonna force myself to say no. no matter how much i love him, and how much i cry, i wont ever let him do that to me again. he thinks he can just pick me up and drop me whenever he can.
ive been thinking a lot about mileys. it hurts. i always think about george, mileys, me and jen laughin with aunt barb and anna, the dock, cryin on the dock the last night we were there, the talent show.. i think its hittin me in slow motion. i miss george. its almost like... i know that if he didnt die, this wouldnt happen right now. if he was alive, i would be great, and i would be countin down til mileys not millers.. millers... thats like a hick name for mileys. i feel bad about this. i feel like im trying to replace mileys. i dont ever want to forget it. i dont ever wanna forget sitting on aunt barbs bed with jen and anna and aunt barb and barb. i dont want to forget hearing "keep me in your heart for a while" by todd as a dedication to george and bawling my eyes out. i dont wanna forget crying with jenni on the end of the dock the last night we were there. i dont wanna forget the campfires.. stevies play ground.. the dock and the way my name was written on my board, or how annas board always stuck out because it was carved so deep. i dont wanna forget singing the rose with annie and aunt sandy and her not being there the last year. i dont wanna forget the way the office looked before they locked it up and had office hours and a golf cart with CUSTOMER SERVICE plastered on it. i dont wanna forget the way the well water tasted. i dont wanna forget signing up for ternaments i never participated in, or how we always wrote our acts on the talent show list, knowing it didnt matter if we wrote it down or not. i dont wanna forget walking from stevies playground past far hills on the beach and laughing when the sand sucked in our feet, or getting stuck in the weeds in the tacky yellow and orange paddle boats. i dont wanna forget how cold but good the water felt after dancing for 3 hours and jumping into it off the dock in the dark. i dont wanna forget "funday", or the caldwells. i dont wanna forget the macaronie and cheese or how every year i would gain atleast 4 lbs. i dont wanna forget screaming and running from the skunks with my flashlight. i dont wanna forget the fudge from brown wood, or cheese teezers from dockside. i dont wanna forget getting major air and hitting the tube so hard it hurt, or when wed go and look for the old car at the bottom of the lake and pretending we saw it. i dont wanna forget going loon watching with my uncle rob and my daddy. i dont wanna forget the big old trash tractor that we used to ride when we were little, but stopped when we all sad on it and the back fell off. i dont wanna forget watching bert mow the lawn. or capture flag, and how we complained we hated it because it was itchy and hot but secretly knowing inside we loved it. i dont wanna forget waking up at 4 in the morning and not leaving til 6:30, or turning that last street corner onto mileys road while holding my breath and thanking god for all the time i got to spend there. i dont want to forget doug, or when we were in the boat and laura got stung by a bee and doug went a bout a billion miles back to mileys in the boat. i dont want to forget the north arm, or when me and jen would tube and talk about "elbones" instead of "elbows". i dont wanna forget anything.. the grass, the way the cabins looked, the docks, the bell, the dining hall. im so scared im gonna forget, and not even have the memory of my entire life.