Just finished watching the OotP movies again...
....and it's...worse than I initially thought. *sigh*
Now, I really enjoyed this movie when I went to see it in the theatre. First off, the experience was good - I was obviously in the place with a whole bunch more Potter fans, if the large sums of t-shirts and quiet commentary during the movie was any indication.
First off, my favorite thing to rant about - this movie just took a chainsaw to the book, cherry-picked their favorite lines, and just vomited all over the canon, after running over the canon's puppy and pissing in it's wheaties. You know, the usual canon molestation. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped.
Other than my usual canon nazi fevor, the thing that really struck me the most was the acting. It was friggin' atrocious! I found the lines spoken to be about 95% crappy and wooden, with no real delivery at all! Here, I'm just going to shred it in list form:
- Michael Gambon as Dumbledore was AWFUL - he had no screen presense at all, aside from creeping onto the screen periodically, looking like a doddering old man that was Up To No Good (and not the fun kind of No Good, more like the Dumbledore of bad slash fanfic.). I mean, this guy is supposed to be Gandalf the White Head Honcho Super-Powerful Wizard That Voldemort Is Mortally Afraid Of. Especially when he hobbled his way into the Ministry to confront Voldie, I thought he was maybe capable of a few snide remarks and some passive-aggressive behavior, but that was about it.
Yea, I realize as Harry grows he's going to be seeing the faults and flaws of the adults around him, and we're supposed to be viewing more and more of "human Dumbledore with human failings", but I could take on Gambon's Dumbledore with a few swift kicks to the shins. Also, dad would like to add the question of why Dumbles has a napkin ring on his beard.
- They got almost no screen time at all, so I'm just going to lump the Dursley family and Mrs. Figg together. This lot was EASILY the worst in the movie, just hands friggin' down. Petunia was HYSTERICAL (as in, 'crazy with panic', not 'super amusing', though her attempt at acting in this one was definitely the latter) in the book, and Vernon was pretty much set to strangle Harry. In the movie, they really could have cared less. Really, I just can't even describe how surreal the whole thing seemed - the *real* Dursley's would have shown more emotion if Ripper (Aunt Marge's favorite bulldog) was hurt, and ran yelping through the door. As for Mrs. Figg, she acted dreamier than Luna. Just
"Oh, you've been attacked, poor dears."
*daydreams briefly*
"Well, better get you two home."
*moves like marrionett*
"Don't put your wand away, love, there might be more little boogiemen running around, bless those little dears!"
Don't forget to imagine or say that out loud in an old lady voice that sounds half senile and stoned to boot. Also, only one letter? TF?
- Alan Rickman as Snape isn't immune, either. Yea, I think his voice is pretty spot-on for Snape (we're not touchin' the appearance factor, oh no), but there wasn't any student-silencing commanding presence, nor silky malevolence, NOR any real emotion. Even when Harry breaks into his pensieve mind and sees teenage!Snape in emo mode and the Incident, Snape just grabs Harry by the collar and in a pretty much a tone that suggests he's both bored and merely annoyed (maybe hoping for a better movie part soon?) tells Harry the "lessons are over, get out." Now, in the book, he pretty much screamed and hollered and damn near broke a jar over Harry's head, pretty much acting like me when I'm nicotine deprived like a rabid, crazed animal. What's the appeal here again?
- Ron and Hermione (Rupert Grint and Emma Watson). Dammit, at least someone got Watson on some valium or something, since she wasn't NEAR as annoying as she was in GoF. Grint still acts like a bumbling neanderthal, and as a consequence, movie!Ron is just totally screwed. Watching these two in OotP was enough to give me a patently horrible vision of just HOW BAD the movie version of Dudley Swallows is going to be. I almost want to rip my ears off in advance, because the dual whining/preaching of the two of them in the tent is going to make me think death is preferable.
I'm sure there's more, but I've really hit a point where I'm just so apathetic about these trashy things that it's hard to muster the emotion to be really pissed. Kind of like everyone's acting in this one. So let's just list some more dreadful things:
- If you thought the pink track suit Hermione wore in GoF was bad..well, at least we don't see that again, since everyone now shops at the wizarding version of Pimpercrombie and Bitch. Really, I guess Umbridge took out the dress code in one of the 500 trillion Educational Decrees, since I think they're all seen wearing Hogwarts robes in about...4 scenes.
- The idiotness of Filtch, the slightly over-the-top Umbridge, and the really half-assed looney toon-esque musical score really robbed most of the institutional malevolence at Hogwarts. Not to mention upping the number of Educational Decrees into the trillions took away all the quiet devastation they caused in the books. Every time I saw Umbridge, I was practically expecting an Acme(tm) anvil to fall, and for the roadrunner to make his little "beep beep!" and run off.
- Everybody got all excited when they heard Steve Kloves wasn't going to be the screenwriter for this one. Yea, well, I'll never forgive him for such "gems" as "Is that how my hair looks from the baaack" and "I've killed Harry Potter!" (Don't forget the respective *whiny nasal tone* and the absolutely retarded-sounding, wide-eyed naifness). But I totally fail to see how anyone can like Michael Goldenberg's job better in this one. Just Expelliarmus being "A wizard's bread and butter." makes me imitate the Psycho stabbing motion, but basically every line spoken during the DA meetings was just awful. 'Corny' is not even the word.
- I felt even more than in the other movies, they put in new lines, changed scenes all around, and just generally mucked everything all up. Not only didn't the movie really *hook* (my attention really wanted to wander, since I can daydream a version of this movie infinity +1 times better), it just made little sense, and not to mention all the Universe Rules broken. Harry and the handful of OotP members most definitely would NOT have been zooming around on the surface of the Thames on their way to Grimmauld place, waving to muggles as they flew past. Just, no. Leaving aside my canon nazi side, they yanked out scenes and extremely brief explanations to put in their own creations, and it really made the Suck factor go up hardcore.
- I tried watching this and pretending I hadn't read the book, just trying to enjoy it as a movie. FAIL. If it's even possible, it was even lighter on explanations than the visual vomit that was PoA. If you didn't read the book, you were SCREWED. Honestly, I'm sitting there like "How did they get there? What's the Ministry? What are all those shiny globes?".
- So what was my reaction to seeing the Cho/Harry kissing scene and the Aurthur attacked scene for the first time? Well, for starters, it didn't even look like Cho was crying. Also, I got the impression it was more of a quick-kiss sort of thing, not the prelude to soft-core porn. As for the Arthur and Nagini bit...well, Arthur got bit once, maybe twice, not chewed on. Furthermore, he was supposed to be asleep on the job, not turning around with small surprise at the sight of a massive whomping snake coming up behind him, pretty much leaning toward "meh". WTF was with the flash-outs, too? What, was the inspiration taken from the killing scenes in Manhunter 2?
I can give a list of the things I found acceptable, but it's going to be pretty short:
- I did like the foreshadowing, but the woeful violins after Sirius told Harry (at Grimmauld Place) that "After it's over, we'll be a family" was a little much. The forlorn look Ginny tossed after Harry after the last meeting of Dumbledore's Army was sweet, and the Hermione/Ron glances and laughs were cute, too.
- The F/X were pretty cool, especially the Weasley fireworks. Though would it have killed them to have them spelling out swears in the air like in the book? It had a PG-13 rating, after all.
- You know, after all that Equus drama, I never thought I'd ever say anything nice about Daniel Radcliff again. The saddest part? I thought his acting was probably the best, or at least the most believeable. And you guys know, I HATE Harry, so this is practically OOC, coming from me. Too bad he had an absolute ton of cheesy, over-the-top dramatic lines not in the book, especially in the Dumbledore's Army scenes.
- Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort was pretty bitchin'. Could have used a bit more malevolence, IMO, but he was a bit of all right.
- Umbridge was better the seond time around, but I'm still super pissed that they couldn't find a "large, toady-looking woman". I still think her lines were just a tad overdone, but at least she held up a little better under scrutiny.
All right, I'm sure there's a bunch more stuff I can cheerfully shred, but I'll put it in later if I think of it. Time for Blood the Last Vampire, followed by Dead Leaves on sci-fi's Ani-Monday! :D :D :D
Now, I really enjoyed this movie when I went to see it in the theatre. First off, the experience was good - I was obviously in the place with a whole bunch more Potter fans, if the large sums of t-shirts and quiet commentary during the movie was any indication.
First off, my favorite thing to rant about - this movie just took a chainsaw to the book, cherry-picked their favorite lines, and just vomited all over the canon, after running over the canon's puppy and pissing in it's wheaties. You know, the usual canon molestation. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped.
Other than my usual canon nazi fevor, the thing that really struck me the most was the acting. It was friggin' atrocious! I found the lines spoken to be about 95% crappy and wooden, with no real delivery at all! Here, I'm just going to shred it in list form:
- Michael Gambon as Dumbledore was AWFUL - he had no screen presense at all, aside from creeping onto the screen periodically, looking like a doddering old man that was Up To No Good (and not the fun kind of No Good, more like the Dumbledore of bad slash fanfic.). I mean, this guy is supposed to be Gandalf the White Head Honcho Super-Powerful Wizard That Voldemort Is Mortally Afraid Of. Especially when he hobbled his way into the Ministry to confront Voldie, I thought he was maybe capable of a few snide remarks and some passive-aggressive behavior, but that was about it.
Yea, I realize as Harry grows he's going to be seeing the faults and flaws of the adults around him, and we're supposed to be viewing more and more of "human Dumbledore with human failings", but I could take on Gambon's Dumbledore with a few swift kicks to the shins. Also, dad would like to add the question of why Dumbles has a napkin ring on his beard.
- They got almost no screen time at all, so I'm just going to lump the Dursley family and Mrs. Figg together. This lot was EASILY the worst in the movie, just hands friggin' down. Petunia was HYSTERICAL (as in, 'crazy with panic', not 'super amusing', though her attempt at acting in this one was definitely the latter) in the book, and Vernon was pretty much set to strangle Harry. In the movie, they really could have cared less. Really, I just can't even describe how surreal the whole thing seemed - the *real* Dursley's would have shown more emotion if Ripper (Aunt Marge's favorite bulldog) was hurt, and ran yelping through the door. As for Mrs. Figg, she acted dreamier than Luna. Just
"Oh, you've been attacked, poor dears."
*daydreams briefly*
"Well, better get you two home."
*moves like marrionett*
"Don't put your wand away, love, there might be more little boogiemen running around, bless those little dears!"
Don't forget to imagine or say that out loud in an old lady voice that sounds half senile and stoned to boot. Also, only one letter? TF?
- Alan Rickman as Snape isn't immune, either. Yea, I think his voice is pretty spot-on for Snape (we're not touchin' the appearance factor, oh no), but there wasn't any student-silencing commanding presence, nor silky malevolence, NOR any real emotion. Even when Harry breaks into his pensieve mind and sees teenage!Snape in emo mode and the Incident, Snape just grabs Harry by the collar and in a pretty much a tone that suggests he's both bored and merely annoyed (maybe hoping for a better movie part soon?) tells Harry the "lessons are over, get out." Now, in the book, he pretty much screamed and hollered and damn near broke a jar over Harry's head, pretty much acting like me when I'm nicotine deprived like a rabid, crazed animal. What's the appeal here again?
- Ron and Hermione (Rupert Grint and Emma Watson). Dammit, at least someone got Watson on some valium or something, since she wasn't NEAR as annoying as she was in GoF. Grint still acts like a bumbling neanderthal, and as a consequence, movie!Ron is just totally screwed. Watching these two in OotP was enough to give me a patently horrible vision of just HOW BAD the movie version of Dudley Swallows is going to be. I almost want to rip my ears off in advance, because the dual whining/preaching of the two of them in the tent is going to make me think death is preferable.
I'm sure there's more, but I've really hit a point where I'm just so apathetic about these trashy things that it's hard to muster the emotion to be really pissed. Kind of like everyone's acting in this one. So let's just list some more dreadful things:
- If you thought the pink track suit Hermione wore in GoF was bad..well, at least we don't see that again, since everyone now shops at the wizarding version of Pimpercrombie and Bitch. Really, I guess Umbridge took out the dress code in one of the 500 trillion Educational Decrees, since I think they're all seen wearing Hogwarts robes in about...4 scenes.
- The idiotness of Filtch, the slightly over-the-top Umbridge, and the really half-assed looney toon-esque musical score really robbed most of the institutional malevolence at Hogwarts. Not to mention upping the number of Educational Decrees into the trillions took away all the quiet devastation they caused in the books. Every time I saw Umbridge, I was practically expecting an Acme(tm) anvil to fall, and for the roadrunner to make his little "beep beep!" and run off.
- Everybody got all excited when they heard Steve Kloves wasn't going to be the screenwriter for this one. Yea, well, I'll never forgive him for such "gems" as "Is that how my hair looks from the baaack" and "I've killed Harry Potter!" (Don't forget the respective *whiny nasal tone* and the absolutely retarded-sounding, wide-eyed naifness). But I totally fail to see how anyone can like Michael Goldenberg's job better in this one. Just Expelliarmus being "A wizard's bread and butter." makes me imitate the Psycho stabbing motion, but basically every line spoken during the DA meetings was just awful. 'Corny' is not even the word.
- I felt even more than in the other movies, they put in new lines, changed scenes all around, and just generally mucked everything all up. Not only didn't the movie really *hook* (my attention really wanted to wander, since I can daydream a version of this movie infinity +1 times better), it just made little sense, and not to mention all the Universe Rules broken. Harry and the handful of OotP members most definitely would NOT have been zooming around on the surface of the Thames on their way to Grimmauld place, waving to muggles as they flew past. Just, no. Leaving aside my canon nazi side, they yanked out scenes and extremely brief explanations to put in their own creations, and it really made the Suck factor go up hardcore.
- I tried watching this and pretending I hadn't read the book, just trying to enjoy it as a movie. FAIL. If it's even possible, it was even lighter on explanations than the visual vomit that was PoA. If you didn't read the book, you were SCREWED. Honestly, I'm sitting there like "How did they get there? What's the Ministry? What are all those shiny globes?".
- So what was my reaction to seeing the Cho/Harry kissing scene and the Aurthur attacked scene for the first time? Well, for starters, it didn't even look like Cho was crying. Also, I got the impression it was more of a quick-kiss sort of thing, not the prelude to soft-core porn. As for the Arthur and Nagini bit...well, Arthur got bit once, maybe twice, not chewed on. Furthermore, he was supposed to be asleep on the job, not turning around with small surprise at the sight of a massive whomping snake coming up behind him, pretty much leaning toward "meh". WTF was with the flash-outs, too? What, was the inspiration taken from the killing scenes in Manhunter 2?
I can give a list of the things I found acceptable, but it's going to be pretty short:
- I did like the foreshadowing, but the woeful violins after Sirius told Harry (at Grimmauld Place) that "After it's over, we'll be a family" was a little much. The forlorn look Ginny tossed after Harry after the last meeting of Dumbledore's Army was sweet, and the Hermione/Ron glances and laughs were cute, too.
- The F/X were pretty cool, especially the Weasley fireworks. Though would it have killed them to have them spelling out swears in the air like in the book? It had a PG-13 rating, after all.
- You know, after all that Equus drama, I never thought I'd ever say anything nice about Daniel Radcliff again. The saddest part? I thought his acting was probably the best, or at least the most believeable. And you guys know, I HATE Harry, so this is practically OOC, coming from me. Too bad he had an absolute ton of cheesy, over-the-top dramatic lines not in the book, especially in the Dumbledore's Army scenes.
- Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort was pretty bitchin'. Could have used a bit more malevolence, IMO, but he was a bit of all right.
- Umbridge was better the seond time around, but I'm still super pissed that they couldn't find a "large, toady-looking woman". I still think her lines were just a tad overdone, but at least she held up a little better under scrutiny.
All right, I'm sure there's a bunch more stuff I can cheerfully shred, but I'll put it in later if I think of it. Time for Blood the Last Vampire, followed by Dead Leaves on sci-fi's Ani-Monday! :D :D :D