(no subject)

[almostliketoday]

If I could go back and change the words I said
If I could go back and change the way I choose to act
If I could go back and realize what I had
If I could go back in time and realize what I was doing to myself
If I could go back and realize the meaning behind your face
If I could go back and recognize we were young
If I could go back and change the way I felt when I was hurt
when I felt abandoned, and used, cheated, and mis-used
when I felt pain and hurt and my heart ached
when my heart was breaking, and I thought I could take on more
than I knew I could handle
I died for a moment in time and thought that was my life
If I could go back I would change...
I would change myself and how I treated you
and try harder to understand because I loved you
But I would never change what I went through and what I've gone through after then
This is my life
this is my life and it has made me... today

It hurts you know... to think... for the second time in my life
I was going to be a mommy on August 8th 2005
I sit and I cry
I cry these tears that fall and I cannot control
I was to be a mom... me... next week...
sometimes I can't handle this feeling
when monday comes around I don't know how I will be feeling
an emptiness a brokeness
a longing... this one was harder
15 1/2 weeks gone... hmm... but we will meet again
someday, one time, sometime soon