(no subject)
Today i went swimming. it was Naomi style, without the paper. i got in the pool and just kept a constant flow of thoughts running through my head, not allowing myself to edit them, not allowing myself to read them until they were done. and when i pulled myself wearily onto the deck, i looked over everything that had happened, and then threw all my notes away. i let them sink back into the waters, to be rediscovered next time, or some time in the future. an hour, spent alone, for purely vain reasons, spent striving to reach the other end of the water, only to turn and try, again, to reach the OTHER end of the water. you know what i realized today. water doesn't have an end. does that have anything to do with physics? i asked my roomate last night ifshe believed that love really exists, and she answered without a blink of an eye "of course." I also asked her yesterday, as she worked studiously on her homework, what were the practical uses of Bio- Chem, and she couldn't tell me. because it was too much to explain. why is something like organic chemistry so much harder to answer than something like love. tonight, i watched mean girls. and ate angel food cake. and snuggled with boys. exactly what i needed probably. although, i love a little lovin, real friend love is so amazingly good at a time like this. people to chill, and talk and laugh and be excited about some movie, or anything really. excitement excites me. i hope that on sunday i can make it to the movies with colin and whomever, but mostly colin, because he is so damned passionate about it. I hope i am not too needy, self-depricating, or clingy. today, three attractive men told me i looked good. it was of course in response to me saying i thought i was getting fat...but that is almost besides the point. it made me feel so very good that these men, even if they are of no romantic intrest whatsoever, think i am attractive. actually even more so. the fact that they straight out gave me a compliment that i was in no way expecting really made me feel nice. a nice ending to an enlightening day.
i don't know if it had anything to do with the caffiene, but i have been intensely alive since about 3 this afternoon. i feel almost good. it is nice. i can't wait to start working with Resa. i can't wait to do more movement. i think voice will be my most chalenging class, because i want to do well, but i am afraid it will be harder to have fun in. i can't wait to feel challenged. i cannot wait to audition. i want to blow them away. i really feel right now. and that is always amazing
have you ever really considered the word "amuse?" a muse. MUSE. amuse. amusing.
i apologize to those i have been insensitive to. i am done apologizing. soon.
please don't give up on me. your support is really that. support.
anthony asked me to never call or e-mail him again. i told him i wouldn't. i hurt. alot.
alot is not a word.
excitement cannot override saddness, but it can shadow it for awhile.
everyday i recognize pain, somedays i recognize beauty. today is beautiful.
nathan has stopped talking to me.
i wonder if anybody drowned today?
i don't know if it had anything to do with the caffiene, but i have been intensely alive since about 3 this afternoon. i feel almost good. it is nice. i can't wait to start working with Resa. i can't wait to do more movement. i think voice will be my most chalenging class, because i want to do well, but i am afraid it will be harder to have fun in. i can't wait to feel challenged. i cannot wait to audition. i want to blow them away. i really feel right now. and that is always amazing
have you ever really considered the word "amuse?" a muse. MUSE. amuse. amusing.
i apologize to those i have been insensitive to. i am done apologizing. soon.
please don't give up on me. your support is really that. support.
anthony asked me to never call or e-mail him again. i told him i wouldn't. i hurt. alot.
alot is not a word.
excitement cannot override saddness, but it can shadow it for awhile.
everyday i recognize pain, somedays i recognize beauty. today is beautiful.
nathan has stopped talking to me.
i wonder if anybody drowned today?