(no subject)
I watched Speak tonight on Lifetime (go figure).
It was a great read- I didn't put it down for a whole day.
I didn't know that it was about rape until the end, though.
It's so full of hope... so tragic... so funny and insightful...
It was so many things at once and I could relate to it so well that it made me cry.
I cried a lot while reading that.
And tonight I realized why I was crying.
I haven't gotten my happy ending yet.
Only now have I begun to actually let myself hope for such a thing.
I can hear the rain hitting the roof and all I want to do is go outside and stand in it... face turned toward the sky... arms spread wide open...
I want it to wash the past three years away.
But it will never happen.
Easter proved that.
Todd will always be around.
He'll always watch me with those beady black eyes, looking straight through my clothes.
He'll always be a part of my family, no matter how much I want him to go away.
He'll always have that one part of me that should've been saved for the one I loved.
Always, always, always.
But you know what? I can start over. I have started over.
He can't.
He'll always be a child molester.
He'll always have to live with the guilt of what he's done to me.
He'll always be paying for what he's done.
And my happy ending is finally coming.
God, I never ask you for anything- and at times I say you're not there...
But God, or whoever you are up there... PLEASE... I'm begging you... let me win.
Just once.
Let me have my happy ending.
It was a great read- I didn't put it down for a whole day.
I didn't know that it was about rape until the end, though.
It's so full of hope... so tragic... so funny and insightful...
It was so many things at once and I could relate to it so well that it made me cry.
I cried a lot while reading that.
And tonight I realized why I was crying.
I haven't gotten my happy ending yet.
Only now have I begun to actually let myself hope for such a thing.
I can hear the rain hitting the roof and all I want to do is go outside and stand in it... face turned toward the sky... arms spread wide open...
I want it to wash the past three years away.
But it will never happen.
Easter proved that.
Todd will always be around.
He'll always watch me with those beady black eyes, looking straight through my clothes.
He'll always be a part of my family, no matter how much I want him to go away.
He'll always have that one part of me that should've been saved for the one I loved.
Always, always, always.
But you know what? I can start over. I have started over.
He can't.
He'll always be a child molester.
He'll always have to live with the guilt of what he's done to me.
He'll always be paying for what he's done.
And my happy ending is finally coming.
God, I never ask you for anything- and at times I say you're not there...
But God, or whoever you are up there... PLEASE... I'm begging you... let me win.
Just once.
Let me have my happy ending.