Tell Me I'm A Wreck (13 part two/?)
Jack’s POV
Jack was stumbling down the sidewalk trying to not fall over from all the extra weight. When they had first left the party Alex had clung to his sides, but after while he got tired of being pulled down every time the other boy fell. He just decided that it’d probably be easier for Alex to get on his back; he couldn’t have been that heavy. He was wrong. Jack wasn’t very strong at all, and Alex was just dead weight in the current state he was in. In all honesty though, he didn’t mind that much. He enjoyed being this close to the boy, probably more than he should. And he was keeping him warm from the chilly fall weather.
It took them nearly half the time Jack thought it would to get to Alex’s house. He was very aware of what was going on and where they were going for someone who was intoxicated. He used the key that Alex told him was in the plant to unlock the front door. He flipped on the first light switch he saw once they were inside and tried to put Alex down, but he just held on tighter. “Upstairs, first door on the right.” He told him as his eye lids drooped closed. Jack sighed heavily but still followed the other boy’s directions. By some miracle they had made it up the stairs without falling. He opened the door to the room Alex said was his, not even bothering to turn the light on. He made his way over to the bed trying to loosen the boy’s arms from around his neck. Alex had other plans though. He twisted his way around and let himself drop down onto his bed, bring Jack with him.
“Alex!” Jack whined from underneath the other boy’s weight. He was struggling to try and move him off. Alex just tightened his grip on his neck again and sighed.
“What are you doing?” Jack nearly shouted. He didn’t think anyone was home. Well there had been no cars in the driveway and no other lights on. So he was hoping he didn’t wake anyone up.
“You can’t leave.” Alex pouted, sticking his lower lip out but still keeping his eyes closed.
“Why not?” he questioned. He never got an answer though. He thought Alex had fallen asleep when he finally let go of him. He thought about leaving, Alex wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning anyway, but before he could move Alex’s arms were slipping around his waist and he was snuggling himself closer to Jack. He could feel Alex’s breath against his neck as he buried his nose there. Jack smiled a bit. He wasn’t leaving, not like he wanted to anymore anyway. He liked being this close to Alex, even if it didn’t mean anything to the other boy.
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Alex’s POV
The next morning Alex woke up a little disoriented, but not hangover. He was cuddled up to someone with his arms around their waste. He automatically assumed it was Rian. But once he opened his eyes to see Jack, that’s when he remembered. He smiled a real smile, and he had to admit that it felt good. But then he got a little nervous. What had he said to Jack last night? What if he said something he shouldn’t have? What if he told him something? He couldn't remember anything he said, just what he did. He smiled a little more suddenly remembering the slow dance that he and Jack had shared.
He slipped away from Jack and grabbed his favorite pair of Nike sweatpants and a random shirt from his drawer before quickly padding over to the bathroom. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself and took off last night’s clothes, slipping on the more comfortable ones.
He crept back into his room, trying not to wake up Jack. He still didn’t know what he was going to say to him when he woke up. He hadn’t had one single nightmare last night and he knew why. Though he would never admit it, even to himself, it was true.
Jack woke up not much later after Alex had crawled back into, on the opposite side as Jack now.
“Morning.” His mumble came, a little muffled by the pillow. He took a breath when Jack smiled in return. He didn’t know what to do, so he did what he does best and lied.
“Uh, what happened last night?” he asked knitting his eyebrows together like he was confused. He hated seeing Jack’s face fall.
“Um, nothing really. You don’t remember anything?” he sounded a little hopeful.
“The last thing I remember is dancing with a bunch of people I didn’t know and then going to get another drink because I was really thirsty.” He figured it was probably easier if he said he didn’t remember anything that had involved Jack.
“Oh.” Was all Jack said with a frown still on his face.
“I didn’t do anything embarrassing, did I?” Wasn’t that what the normal person asked after getting drunk and not remembering anything?
“No. You just got really drunk and so was Rian so I brought you back here. I guess I must’ve fallen asleep.” He mumbled sitting up and running a hand through his hair. Alex moved to sit down on his bed. His eyes roamed every else but to Jack. It sounded like Jack regretted staying. That made Alex regret asking him to stay. It had been just another one of his moments of weakness. Jack had just been so real, and so there. For once he had felt completely safe. This boy had managed to chase away his nightmares and loneliness in just one night, with just a touch. He let himself think these things, but he would never say them aloud. He stored the memory of the feeling of Jack’s touch away for later, when he would need something to help him cope with life.
They sat there in awkward silence, neither of them looking at each other. Alex wondered why the other just didn’t leave if he didn’t want to be here.
“Alex..can I- can I ask you something?” Jack finally asked. Alex didn’t reply. He was afraid of what kind of questions he would have now. So instead, he just finally looked at him.
“Last week, I was….well I was at school early and I was on my way to the bathroom. And I, uh I heard you and Rian in there…talking. I was just sort of curious what you guys were talking about. It sounded pretty serious and I just thought that maybe I could help…” Jack didn’t make eye contact with him the whole time he was talking. Alex’s heart started racing when he remembered back to his second day of school where he had gotten mad at Rian and went and cut himself in the bathroom. He was sure that no one had heard. That must have been why Jack was being so nice, always giving him sympathetic smiles and not asking him things anymore. He felt sick. He couldn’t tell Jack what had really happened in there, but what was he supposed to say?
“I can’t tell you.” Alex mumbled hoping that he would just drop it.
“I just want to help.” Jack assured him with those big, pleading, innocent eyes staring right at him. Alex took a deep breath.
“No.” he said setting his mouth into a hard, thin line.
“But-“
“Just leave.” He said louder this time. His fear was turning into annoyance. Why did he care so much about it? Why couldn’t he just leave it alone?
Without another word Jack got up to leave. He pulled his converse back on and looked back at Alex with curious and caring eyes. As soon as he shut the door behind him, Alex fell back onto his bed sighing. He rolled onto his side and stared at the most recent photo he had of Dan, taken just a week before his death. Looking at it used to bring him sadness, but now it brought him comfort. Comfort in the fact that he was always watching over him.
“I can’t do it, Dan. What if I tell him and he judges me, or worse, he tells someone and they send me away? I just, I don’t know what to do.” He whispered hugging his pillow to his chest.
He must have fallen asleep because some time later he was woken up by someone banging on his front door. He ran downstairs, still a little disoriented, to find a nervous looking Rian at his door.
“Oh thank God!” Rian exclaimed throwing his arms around the other boy.
“What? What’s going on?” Alex said stammering backwards from the force.
“What happened to you last night? And why didn’t you answer your phone?” he questioned pushing the door shut behind him. Alex started to pat his pockets then he remembered that he had changed out of his clothes from last night. He ran up the stairs throwing the random clothes from the floor around his room looking for his phone.
“I must have lost it last night.” He informed him coming back down the stairs. But he was sure he wouldn’t have. Someone must have snuck it out of his pocket when they were dancing. Rian opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a phone ringing, one that he didn’t recognize the ringtone to. He dashed back up the stairs and came back down with the mystery phone in his hand. Rian snatched it from his hand as soon as he came within arm’s reach.
“Alex, why do you have Jack’s phone?” He asked looking from the screen to the other boy.
“What?” he asked voice getting a little higher. He knew Rian would have something to say about this.
“Yeah. Zack is calling him right now.” He said folding his arms across his broad chest.
“Well, he said he brought me home last night. I guess you were too drunk to so he did and then he fell asleep here. That’s what he said anyway.” Alex told him shrugging like it was no big deal, like he didn’t remember. Rian raised a questioning eyebrow at him. He just gave him a look like he didn’t know what he was talking about in return. Alex trailed into the living room and took a seat on the couch, followed by Rian.
“The truth.” Was all Rian said that had Alex in a panic. He knew and Alex knew he would. He wasn’t going to give up that easily though.
“That’s all he told me.” He said shrugging nonchalantly again.
“Cut the bullshit, Alex.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said testing if he would just let this go or not.
Apparently he wasn’t going to. “Lex, you know as well as I do that you’re not the typical drunk teenager. So just tell me what really happened.” Rian said putting a hand on his knee. Alex sighed in defeat.
“From the beginning.” Rian added before he had a chance to speak.
“Okay. Well we were at the party. I had drunk quite a bit already so I guess I was just playing the part. I went into the kitchen to get another drink and Jack was just standing there looking all stiff so I told him to have a drink then we danced. And I guess I was holding onto him a little too tight and we were slow dancing, so he thought I should probably go home. But you were completely wasted so he said he would just take me home himself. And uh, I kind of kept falling on him so he gave me a piggy back ride all the way to my house and up to my room. And well, I missed having another person in my bed because you’ve been so busy with Zack that you haven’t slept over lately…so I told him to stay and I kind of cuddle him so it made it harder for him to leave.” Alex confessed with a shade of pink across his cheeks. Rian just laughed at that, not in a mean way though.
“But then, he told me he heard us the other day in the bathroom before school.” He said his voice dropping to a whisper, “and he told me he wanted to help me with whatever it was because it sounded serious. I said no and made him leave.” He dropped his eyes to the floor. He didn’t want to see the frown Rian was giving him now.
“Did you ever think that maybe you should have told him?” Rian asked sounding like he was talking to a little child.
“Yeah, Rian I did. But then I realized what might happen if I did. I don’t trust people, well people that aren’t you anyway.” He said.
“Lex, maybe he really did just want to help.” Rian muttered.
“Yeah right.” Alex scoffed. “I don’t need help from someone who has no idea what it’s like.”
“Alexander, it’s not like that.” He argued. Alex didn’t like when Rian used his full name.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked folding his arms across his chest.
“Nothing, I-I have to go. I’m hanging out with Zack in a little while.” Rian said standing up in a rush. He was hiding something from Alex, but he wasn’t sure what. He didn’t respond. He just watched Rian walk out of the door, leaving him alone once again. It seemed that’s all he ever was these days, alone. Before he at least had Rian there, even if he still felt alone. He sighed, flopping back on his couch. He switched on the TV to some boring show and just stared at the TV.