To Die is to Awake (2/?)
Title: To Die is to Awake
Author: music_addict14
Rating: pg-13
Pairing: Zack Merrick/Jack Barakat (past: rian/ zack)
POV: Zack
Summary: Zack needed to live his life. Jack was going to help.
Disclaimer: I do not own the guys! I really hope this never ever happens. Title cred: Million Dollar Houses (The Painter) -pierce the veil
Author Notes: yeah it's a merrikat! Masterpost!
“Hello? You uh… you in there?” Jack tried to get me out of the daze I had slipped into. I think I might have been staring at him. I had let him in hoping he would stay awhile. I needed to know who this Jack person was. Now I found myself seated next to the boy on the couch pulling myself out of the zone I had been in. Jack looked kind of confused and awkward like he didn’t know what to do. He was probably scared of this freak who asked him inside. His plan had probably been to just drop off the food and run. He had probably been forced to do so by his mother in the first place. “You don’t have to stay.” I didn’t want him to leave but he just didn’t seemed interested in being in some strangers house. He looked bored even. “I’m gonna go then ‘cause my friends are probably waiting for me.” He left with those words. My first encounter with Jack Barakat and I had made it so awkward a goldfish would want to leave. Jack seemed kind of rude, kind of stuck up anyway. He would never let me into his group of friends, ever. Funny thing is I used to be just like him. I had my friends and that’s all I needed. Now I was on the other end of the spectrum and it was terrible.
I fixed my hair in the mirror frantically. I had to get ready for my first day in a new school and nothing was going right. The shower had been cold, my favorite shirt was in the wash, and my hair looked like I had fucked someone so hard that it would be a mess forever. This day was do or die. I either made friends now or lived a loner for the rest of the year. I didn’t want to be alone. With my legs already against me everything else had to be perfect. I would no doubt get asked why I walked so slow. People seemed to hate walking behind me because of my struggles. I worried but to myself so my mom wouldn’t worry with me. She had already done too much of that.
Now I sat in the car, backpack in my lap tapping some random rhythm onto my leg with my hand. It was a nervous habit I had acquired over the years. The familiar sound patterns just seemed to calm my nerves for awhile. We pulled up to the school I was to attend. It was big and I wondered how I would get to my classes on time. There weren’t many kids there yet. We had arrived early so I could get my schedule. After a long time of convincing my mom to let me do it alone I got out of the car and watched as she pulled away. In all honesty I did want her to come but I would get ridiculed enough all day. I didn’t need something else, like my mom, getting in the way of the friends I would hopefully be making. As I opened the door to go into the school and into the office the volcano of butterflies erupted. I wanted to puke but that would be embarrassing. I made my way to the desk that the office lady sat at. She looked nice enough. Kind of like she would make a great grandma to someone. When she noticed me she smiled and I was slightly put at ease. She looked at me with a welcoming smile. She never let that expression fall from her face as she told me where everything was. When she told me I was all ready to go the nerves came back. They rushed at me like a flowing river and I wanted to hide.
The school was much more crowded now. People everywhere were turning to look at me. They could tell I didn’t belong here. Some gave me dirty looks and others just smiled at me. I knew they felt bad for me and I hated it.
As I sat in the seat my first hour teacher assigned to me my mind wandered. I thought about random things and tried not to make eye contact. No matter how much I wanted to make friends I felt to intimidated and out of place. I felt as if I looked at someone for too long they would beat me up or something. The lesson was long and boring and I had only been there for ten minutes. “Nice of you to join us Mr. Barakat. Good to know I can always count on you to be late.” The sarcasm traveled to my ears and I looked up to see Jack mumbling something under his breath and throwing himself into the seat in front of me. My school day just got a lot harder. It was already hard enough to pay attention. Now I had to try and concentrate with this beautiful boy in front of me. I could smell his cologne because of the close proximity and I was done. What I really wanted was to run out of the school or maybe disappear but both were kind of hard considering. This boy was definitely going to be an issue.