Save Me From Me 19/20
Title: Save Me From Me
Author: soolmates
Pairings: Merrikat
Rating: R for dark themes
Summary: Their past is painful and their future isn't bright. Will they be able to save each other?
Disclaimer: The only thing I own is my imagination. Even my car is not completely mine yet.
Title belongs to Amber Pacific.
AN: We're getting near the end... :( also credit to the cut goes to Holly Brook for her song 'what I wouldn't give' and I'd recommend to listen to a sad song to read the last scene... just saying
It had been a month since Jack had come back to Baltimore. A month he’d spent telling his family and friends that he was feeling a lot better. A month he’d spent trying to convince his sponsors and associates that he was back in the game. A month he’d spent missing Zack a little bit more every day. He’d been so busy these past weeks that he’d barely had time to think about anything but he’d never missed one phone call. Except for that day he’d gone through with the worst hangover he’d ever had. He should have called him that day. He’d heard the relief in his boyfriend’s voice when he’d picked up the phone the next day and he could only imagined what had gone through his head. He remember how it was at the Otium and he knew how every little details could turn into a big deal when you had too much time on your hands. He’d promised himself to never let him down again. He called first thing in the morning and last thing in the evening.
“How did it go with your mother?” Jack asked after a few minutes of chitchat about their nights and dreams. Zack had been a nervous wreck for the last couple of days, talking about calling the meeting off every two minutes. But he’d gone through it, knowing that facing the source of his issues was a step that would take him closer to the exit. Jack couldn’t have been prouder if he’d tried.
“She talked and I listened.” Zack answered and Jack could just see him shrug. In all honesty, he didn’t expect things to go any differently. He didn’t ask her to come to exchange friendship’s bracelets. He didn’t want to forgive her either. He just wanted to know why she’d refused to listen to him. He just wanted to know why his own mother couldn’t find it in herself to believe him.
“What are you doing next Friday?” Zack asked after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence. Jack frowned a little at the question. There were still five days to go till Friday. Zack and Jack had a silent agreement to not talk about anything further than the day to come for fear to not see their plans coming true.
“Nothing, I believe.” Jack answered distantly as he tried to remember if Mark had scheduled any meetings on that day. He couldn’t remember a date for the life of him and that’s why Mark had always been the one dealing with their sponsors. That’s how they worked. They would come up with ideas together and then Mark would sell them while Jack would create them. Or rather, he would boss around for people to create them. He missed doing it himself.
“You should be able to pick me up then.” Zack mused softly. It took a whole minute for Jack to register what his boyfriend was saying and another minute to fully comprehend what it meant. He stumbled a little, his back hitting the wall. A smile grew on his face as he processed the news his boyfriend had just implied. It was really happening. Zack was being released. They were letting him go. They were letting him come back to him.
“You’re coming home.”
There were so many things that Jack had to do before going to pick up Zack at Tybee Island. For a start, he needed to find a place for them to stay while waiting for the offices to be moved in San Francisco. He should have done it sooner but he didn’t expect Zack to come out any time soon. He thought he’d have enough time to get everything ready in California but he was wrong. Once he’d have a place, he’d have to get furniture’s for it. Unless he could find an already furnished apartment, which could be best as he didn’t intend for them to rent it for too very long. He’d also wanted to adopt a dog before Zack could have a chance to kill his buzz. He would never get everything ready before next Friday. He’d never be able to properly welcome Zack home.
“What are you doing?” May asked as she stepped into the kitchen where Jack had been doing a list of everything he had to do before next Friday. He’d managed to reduce it to a single page but he still doubted his ability to finish it by next Friday. He’d have to cut himself in two or three if he wanted to make it happen. He knew that he could ask for his siblings’ help. May would love to find them a place and decorate it but he felt like he needed to do it on his own.
“I have to get all those things done before Zack gets here.” Jack sighed when he remembered his sister was waiting for an answer. He’d told his family about Zack being released a few hours ago and his mother was already making the bed in their guestroom. Jack appreciated everything she’d done for him but he wasn’t going to stay under her roof any longer. He wasn’t in high school anymore. He was too old to sneak out to spend the night with his boyfriend. They’d spent the first few months of their relationship doing that. They needed to be properly together now. They needed their own place now.
“You don’t look very happy, Jack.” May pointed out, pushing her chair closer to her brother’s. Truth was that he wasn’t completely happy right now. He wanted to be and in some ways, he was. He was truly excited to have Zack back with him but there was something turning the positive feelings off. He considered lying to her and telling her that everything was fine but the concern in her eyes was enough to make him change his mind.
“I love him, May. And I want to be with him so badly but I can’t stop thinking that this isn’t right. I have a nagging feeling that I can’t ignore no matter how hard I try.” Jack explained, not quite sure to be making any sense right now. He just couldn’t understand it himself, this bad feeling he had. All he knew for sure was that he hated it. He hated not being able to be ecstatic at the idea of starting this new life he’d promised Zack.
“You’re about to start a new chapter of your life but you’re still holding on the last words of the current chapter.” May said with a small smile, her hands resting on her brother’s. Jack looked up at her with a definite frown. He understood the words but not the meaning. It reminded him of his days in High School when he’d sit in maths class and listen to the teacher without understanding a damn thing. It felt like his sister wasn’t speaking English anymore and it scared him because he felt like she had the answers he so desperately needed.
“You’ve never said goodbye to Alex.”
The sun was already fading away when Jack parked his car outside of the cemetery where his ex-boyfriend was buried. He didn’t know what he was doing here. Or rather, he knew what he was here for but he didn’t know why he was going to do it. Life wasn’t a movie or a bad TV show. People didn’t feel better because they’d finally talked to an engraved rock. He wasn’t going to get rid if that nagging feeling just by talking to Alex’s grave. He didn’t think that was how things worked in real life but he had to try. He had to do everything and anything that could help him make things work with Zack. And if it included a silly cliché only seen in chicks movies, then be it. And so, with a shaky sigh, he got out of the car and walked through the cemetery. He didn’t feel all that comfortable here but he reckoned no one would. He found Alex’s grave fast enough considering he’d never seen it before. He’d gone to the ceremony with his family but he’d felt to weak to watch them lower his lover’s body in the dust. So he’d paid his respect to Alex’s parents and walked home to get hammered. And that’s what he’d done every day for a year. He’d stayed home and drunk himself to oblivion.
“Hey, dude. I know it’s been a while and I should have come sooner but I couldn’t do it before now. I wasn’t ready to face the truth back then but I am now. And I kind of have to anyway.” Jack faltered on the last words. He should have thought about what to say and how to say it. He should have planned it out a little bit more. But there weren’t many ways to let go of someone.
“I met this guy, Zack. He’s really sweet and cute. He makes me laugh so much just by being himself, you know? He’s just so naïve sometimes, like a kid discovering life. And he’s a musician, just like you. You’d like him, I think.” He added with a smile grazing on his face. He knew that it was inappropriate but he couldn’t help it. Zack made him happy and so did talking about him. But he didn’t come here to have a monologue about his boyfriend.
“I love him, Alex. I love him so much that I want it all with him. I want to live with him and marry him and adopt kids with him. I want to give him everything he deserves and more. But I can’t do that if I’m still hung up on you.” Jack murmured the words, as if scared to hurt Alex by admitting his feelings for Zack. He didn’t believe in all that stuff. He didn’t believe Alex could hear him say those things. He didn’t believe this could change anything. He only believed that he had to do everything and anything that could help him make things work out with Zack.
“You were my first love and you’ll always hold a special spot in my heart but Zack… I hope he’ll be my last love. I hope he’ll be my last everything. I guess what I’m trying to say is…” Jack trailed off, wiping his watery eyes with the back of his hands. This was so much harder than he’d first thought. He didn’t know if he could do it but he knew that he had to. He owed it to Zack. He owed it to himself. He took in a deep breath and laid the single flower on top of the grave.
“Goodbye Alex.”
Author: soolmates
Pairings: Merrikat
Rating: R for dark themes
Summary: Their past is painful and their future isn't bright. Will they be able to save each other?
Disclaimer: The only thing I own is my imagination. Even my car is not completely mine yet.
Title belongs to Amber Pacific.
AN: We're getting near the end... :( also credit to the cut goes to Holly Brook for her song 'what I wouldn't give' and I'd recommend to listen to a sad song to read the last scene... just saying
It had been a month since Jack had come back to Baltimore. A month he’d spent telling his family and friends that he was feeling a lot better. A month he’d spent trying to convince his sponsors and associates that he was back in the game. A month he’d spent missing Zack a little bit more every day. He’d been so busy these past weeks that he’d barely had time to think about anything but he’d never missed one phone call. Except for that day he’d gone through with the worst hangover he’d ever had. He should have called him that day. He’d heard the relief in his boyfriend’s voice when he’d picked up the phone the next day and he could only imagined what had gone through his head. He remember how it was at the Otium and he knew how every little details could turn into a big deal when you had too much time on your hands. He’d promised himself to never let him down again. He called first thing in the morning and last thing in the evening.
“How did it go with your mother?” Jack asked after a few minutes of chitchat about their nights and dreams. Zack had been a nervous wreck for the last couple of days, talking about calling the meeting off every two minutes. But he’d gone through it, knowing that facing the source of his issues was a step that would take him closer to the exit. Jack couldn’t have been prouder if he’d tried.
“She talked and I listened.” Zack answered and Jack could just see him shrug. In all honesty, he didn’t expect things to go any differently. He didn’t ask her to come to exchange friendship’s bracelets. He didn’t want to forgive her either. He just wanted to know why she’d refused to listen to him. He just wanted to know why his own mother couldn’t find it in herself to believe him.
“What are you doing next Friday?” Zack asked after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence. Jack frowned a little at the question. There were still five days to go till Friday. Zack and Jack had a silent agreement to not talk about anything further than the day to come for fear to not see their plans coming true.
“Nothing, I believe.” Jack answered distantly as he tried to remember if Mark had scheduled any meetings on that day. He couldn’t remember a date for the life of him and that’s why Mark had always been the one dealing with their sponsors. That’s how they worked. They would come up with ideas together and then Mark would sell them while Jack would create them. Or rather, he would boss around for people to create them. He missed doing it himself.
“You should be able to pick me up then.” Zack mused softly. It took a whole minute for Jack to register what his boyfriend was saying and another minute to fully comprehend what it meant. He stumbled a little, his back hitting the wall. A smile grew on his face as he processed the news his boyfriend had just implied. It was really happening. Zack was being released. They were letting him go. They were letting him come back to him.
“You’re coming home.”
There were so many things that Jack had to do before going to pick up Zack at Tybee Island. For a start, he needed to find a place for them to stay while waiting for the offices to be moved in San Francisco. He should have done it sooner but he didn’t expect Zack to come out any time soon. He thought he’d have enough time to get everything ready in California but he was wrong. Once he’d have a place, he’d have to get furniture’s for it. Unless he could find an already furnished apartment, which could be best as he didn’t intend for them to rent it for too very long. He’d also wanted to adopt a dog before Zack could have a chance to kill his buzz. He would never get everything ready before next Friday. He’d never be able to properly welcome Zack home.
“What are you doing?” May asked as she stepped into the kitchen where Jack had been doing a list of everything he had to do before next Friday. He’d managed to reduce it to a single page but he still doubted his ability to finish it by next Friday. He’d have to cut himself in two or three if he wanted to make it happen. He knew that he could ask for his siblings’ help. May would love to find them a place and decorate it but he felt like he needed to do it on his own.
“I have to get all those things done before Zack gets here.” Jack sighed when he remembered his sister was waiting for an answer. He’d told his family about Zack being released a few hours ago and his mother was already making the bed in their guestroom. Jack appreciated everything she’d done for him but he wasn’t going to stay under her roof any longer. He wasn’t in high school anymore. He was too old to sneak out to spend the night with his boyfriend. They’d spent the first few months of their relationship doing that. They needed to be properly together now. They needed their own place now.
“You don’t look very happy, Jack.” May pointed out, pushing her chair closer to her brother’s. Truth was that he wasn’t completely happy right now. He wanted to be and in some ways, he was. He was truly excited to have Zack back with him but there was something turning the positive feelings off. He considered lying to her and telling her that everything was fine but the concern in her eyes was enough to make him change his mind.
“I love him, May. And I want to be with him so badly but I can’t stop thinking that this isn’t right. I have a nagging feeling that I can’t ignore no matter how hard I try.” Jack explained, not quite sure to be making any sense right now. He just couldn’t understand it himself, this bad feeling he had. All he knew for sure was that he hated it. He hated not being able to be ecstatic at the idea of starting this new life he’d promised Zack.
“You’re about to start a new chapter of your life but you’re still holding on the last words of the current chapter.” May said with a small smile, her hands resting on her brother’s. Jack looked up at her with a definite frown. He understood the words but not the meaning. It reminded him of his days in High School when he’d sit in maths class and listen to the teacher without understanding a damn thing. It felt like his sister wasn’t speaking English anymore and it scared him because he felt like she had the answers he so desperately needed.
“You’ve never said goodbye to Alex.”
The sun was already fading away when Jack parked his car outside of the cemetery where his ex-boyfriend was buried. He didn’t know what he was doing here. Or rather, he knew what he was here for but he didn’t know why he was going to do it. Life wasn’t a movie or a bad TV show. People didn’t feel better because they’d finally talked to an engraved rock. He wasn’t going to get rid if that nagging feeling just by talking to Alex’s grave. He didn’t think that was how things worked in real life but he had to try. He had to do everything and anything that could help him make things work with Zack. And if it included a silly cliché only seen in chicks movies, then be it. And so, with a shaky sigh, he got out of the car and walked through the cemetery. He didn’t feel all that comfortable here but he reckoned no one would. He found Alex’s grave fast enough considering he’d never seen it before. He’d gone to the ceremony with his family but he’d felt to weak to watch them lower his lover’s body in the dust. So he’d paid his respect to Alex’s parents and walked home to get hammered. And that’s what he’d done every day for a year. He’d stayed home and drunk himself to oblivion.
“Hey, dude. I know it’s been a while and I should have come sooner but I couldn’t do it before now. I wasn’t ready to face the truth back then but I am now. And I kind of have to anyway.” Jack faltered on the last words. He should have thought about what to say and how to say it. He should have planned it out a little bit more. But there weren’t many ways to let go of someone.
“I met this guy, Zack. He’s really sweet and cute. He makes me laugh so much just by being himself, you know? He’s just so naïve sometimes, like a kid discovering life. And he’s a musician, just like you. You’d like him, I think.” He added with a smile grazing on his face. He knew that it was inappropriate but he couldn’t help it. Zack made him happy and so did talking about him. But he didn’t come here to have a monologue about his boyfriend.
“I love him, Alex. I love him so much that I want it all with him. I want to live with him and marry him and adopt kids with him. I want to give him everything he deserves and more. But I can’t do that if I’m still hung up on you.” Jack murmured the words, as if scared to hurt Alex by admitting his feelings for Zack. He didn’t believe in all that stuff. He didn’t believe Alex could hear him say those things. He didn’t believe this could change anything. He only believed that he had to do everything and anything that could help him make things work out with Zack.
“You were my first love and you’ll always hold a special spot in my heart but Zack… I hope he’ll be my last love. I hope he’ll be my last everything. I guess what I’m trying to say is…” Jack trailed off, wiping his watery eyes with the back of his hands. This was so much harder than he’d first thought. He didn’t know if he could do it but he knew that he had to. He owed it to Zack. He owed it to himself. He took in a deep breath and laid the single flower on top of the grave.
“Goodbye Alex.”