(no subject)
Its fucked up when the people you trust turn their backs on you and fuck you in the ass at the same time. Its sad when they disappoint you and lie to you and make you feel like an idiot. But so much good can come from bad if you let it. Honesty is really the very best policy when it all boils down. I hate to think what my life would have been like if I never hit my bottom. If I never made the next right choice. I i can get through this Kate and Cathy bullshit I can get through anything without using and without cutting myself. Deep down I want to punch Cathy in the face for being a lying sack of shit. But she's an addict and mentally handicapped apparently to think she could pull one on me. Cö I'm not retarded. I know what's going on when people I i don't. I i don't miss her. I do miss Kate. She was one of my best friends in a long time. I think Cathy will drag her down. Truly. And I told her that. But what I think doesn't mean shit in her life I i need to accept that. I'm twenty two I i still know more about life. I still know more about how the world works in its infinite fucked upness. And I'm grateful. They showed me their true colors. And despite all the bad things in my life people at my job told me they loved me today. They said they didn.t want anything bad to happen to me. And that they were all worried about me yesterday. And for these strangers to care so much makes me cry. I i can't let them down. I can't say fuck them. Coz they're not obligated to care about me. But they do anyway. And that makes all the difference. I finally feel deserving of love. For anyone who doesn't think I deserve it doesn't deserve me. As Jesse says..if you're not with me you're against me. And that's the truth. I'm going to bed. I've got pancakes to serve.