welcome back...
its been fucking forever since I've been on here.. but considering its one of the only websites that don't get blocked here at EDI its kind of exciting. Like maybe I'll start journaling again since somedays I have nothing better to do but sit around and be a recovering drug addict. Its funny. You can see so many different changes I've gone through on this stupid journal. From straightedge..to junkie..to clean..to junkie..to in recovery. What the fuck is that all about? and What happened to everyone else who used to Livejournal all the time? Don't tell me that fad is over. I just hate writing in a paper journal. It hurts my hand. which is why I'd rather just type. Except now I have to worry about ten million other people reading over my fucking shoulder. So yeah.. Jesse is back in jail. I got out of jail and live in a halfway house. Cool shit right? not really. It blows. But i'm actually happier than I probably have been in a long time. Despite living with like 12-13 other women, most of who are absolutely crazy. Fucking bonkers. Nah mean? And you know, they're drunks and dope fiends and all that good shit. So what do you do? You adapt I guess. You deal with the fact that deep down the only person you can rely on is yourself. But yet you still have to rely on other people to help you out sometimes. Which sucks. Coz they almost always let you down. And they like never are nearly as awesome as you are at being a good friend. And that sucks. And it makes me mad every day. It makes me see red on like a daily effing basis. But you really can't do anything that you want to. Now I just have to pray and hope everything works out. And thats hard you know? Its hard to not cut myself up. Or get high. Or get drunk. Or not just talk shit all the time. But its progress..not perfection. And I guess thats what I'm learning today.