[Commentlog] Twelve Hours In (Open)

[allthesame2me]

[It's been twelve hours of slipping in and out of consciousness, his back alternating between numb and burning at regular intervals. He's blacked out a few times, but the searing at his wrists and neck would bring him 'round rather quickly

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[allthesame2me]

[Alex can smells the shift in her emotions and knows she's reacting to his own. His breath hitches as her lips press against his forehead, yearning for that contact more than almost anything right now. He lets her scent surround him, momentarily drowning out the metallic scent of silver and blood.

He swallows almost convulsively and rolls his eyes up to her face at her questions. His gaze lingers on her face for several moments, his brows knitting together sharply before he looks down at the ground. The shift causes a new section on his neck to burn, but he pays it no mind.]

I .. I shift .. on the full moon .. can't control .. the shift .. Can't control .. myself .. during it. Didn't get .. to the forest.. in time. Attacked .. anyone I saw .. Don't remember who .. never remember what .. happens on the moon .. everything is just .. empty ..

Woke up .. in the cold room .. in the kitchens .. had been .. locked in ..

[He chokes off and shudders, gasping as the twinge causes his back to tense and stretch.]

Didn't .. didn't mean .. to hurt .. Never killed .. [Oh boy .. here come those tears you were hoping to avoid. He's so scared she'll take his words and change her mind and leave him alone.] I killed the ... the troll girl .. attacked .. others ..dunno .. who .. how bad .. Isabella .. Sollux .. others.. [His words hitch and he lets out a sob. Sorry, Bryn, he'd tried; he really had. He braces himself for her contempt .. for her fear .. for the anger and disappointment.]

[brynkitten]

[ Bryn swallows, trying not to let her emotions get the better of her. It's hard to hear Alex speak, the way his voice breaks and hitches, and how he tries to do so through the pain of his back.

What he says is nothing less than what she suspected, though the number of names he lists are more than she ever expected. Four at least, perhaps more. Bryn doesn't want him to see her face, so she leans in again and kisses his forehead again, fiercely as she shudders through an exhale.

She can't even imagine what it must be like to have no control over her alternate form, to be chained to the cycles of the moon. Worse, to wake up and find out you killed others. ]

It's not your fault, Alex. You did the best you could, I know it. I know it, okay?

[She pulls back to look him in the eye, gaze steady and empathetic. ]

Next time we'll--[ She stops herself mid-sentence. ] We'll figure something out next time, Alex. Okay?

[allthesame2me]

[Alex doesn't look at her right away, and while she stands in silence all the while he is expecting to see her feet disappear from view as she walks away. Instead, he lets out a small sound of surprise as she presses her lips to his forehead once more, kissing him gently.

He exhales shakily, eyes closed, and when he opens them again he finds her looking right at him as she speaks. He searches her face, expecting doubt or blame, but finds none of it. Even her scent hasn't changed .. She is just the same as she was before he'd admitted to her what he'd done.

he can't help the tears, but bits his lips sharply to keep from letting another sob escape. He nods weakly, hands clenching and relaxing in the stocks. He's not sure what she was going to say the first time, but her offer to be there .. to help .. is more than he ever could have hoped for.

Even so, Sollux had still instilled that doubt .. what if it WAS his fault?]

[brynkitten]

[ Bryn isn't going to get any work done at all if this continues. He's crying, and she's about to, and there's still so much work to be done. Without a word, Bryn pats Alex's cheek, then moves around to the other side of his stocks to assess his back.

It takes everything inside her not to throw up from what she sees. It's quite literally a chaotic mess. The person who had dealt this damage had laid cut after cut into his skin, caring about nothing it seemed but covering as much of his back as they could.

There was no place she could think to start other than where the cuts were deepest, but she didn't want to miss anything so she carefully began at his top left shoulder, followed the cuts to their beginnings, and worked her way down them with the salve. ]

Please tell me to stop if I hurt you or if you need a moment okay? We can take this as slowly as you need to.

[allthesame2me]

[Alex tries to hold himself together, knowing it;s not helping Bryn at all to see him reacting like this. He follows her movements with his eyes and ears and he can practically feel her react to what she sees. He can only imagine what his back looks like now, riddled with slices upon slices and blood everywhere. There was no telling where one cut ended and another began, chaotic mess being a good description.

He tries to remain still as she works, intent on taking it as long as he can before having her stop. As it is, even as careful as she is, it hurts SO badly as she dresses his wounds.

He gasps in pain and jerks under her hand, jarring .. well .. everything. He grunts back on a second cry of pain, entire body shuddering as his brow breaks out in a sweat.]

Fine .. am fine .. just keep .. keep going ..

[He wouldn't throw up.. maybe.]

[brynkitten]

[ Bryn is torn. Alex is handling this better than she would of, to be sure, but when he reacts so violently she wants to stop. He tells her to keep going and... ]

No, just...breath for a moment okay? My hand is cramping anyway, I'm sorry.

[ She does sound truly apologetic, though she lies easily about her hand. It's fine, but Alex seems to need a moment, and she's giving him one whether he likes it or not. ]

In through the nose and out through the mouth, okay? Nice and slow, and I'll continue in just a moment...we're almost done, Alex.

[allthesame2me]

[Although Bryn tells him that she is stopping because he hand is cramping, Alex is relatively certain that she is doing so for his own benefit. He's torn, in a way; part of him just wants it over with and the other part begs for a breather.

He swallows convulsively as his body reacts to the pain, stomach clenching as it threatens to dry heave. His eyes close and he focuses in Bryn's voice, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth. It seems to help, his stomach settling slowly.]

Sorry.

[It's a soft apology and he swallows again, exhaling shakily through his nose this time. The salve was beginning to ease sections of pain, but he still hurt and he'd not fool himself otherwise. He'd not even try to play brave hen the whole bit would so blatantly be a lie and rather obvious at that.]

short tag is short |D

[brynkitten]

[ She waits until he seems to have a hold of himself once more, and sighs when he apologizes. It wasn't as if her hand "cramping" was his fault at all. ]

There's no need for that. I'm going to start again if you're ready. We're almost done, and then there's just the bandages to put on, okay Alex?

[ This would be simpler if he wasn't in the stocks. At least then he could lay on a comfortable bed and hold a pillow or curl his fingers into the sheets. At least then he could try to rest and then fall asleep. ]