(no subject)
This is the first post in a while, but I had to write somewhere...something. Anything.
I'm not really sure completely what is going on with me- is this crazy? Is this just more sane? More aware? Less in denial?
I'm not happy with anything it feels like and it doesn't seem to be going away. I'm not even getting any satisfaction from work these days. I am in the grasp of constant conflict in my mind over what to do regarding that and I don't know how to get out/away of this limbo feeling. Weed is the only thing that has been helping my anxiety go down...and then I almost worry that means I'm completely dependent now. What are other people doing? How are other people feeling? I don't think I'm that closed off of a person, but lately I just feel like I'm grasping at straws.
I don't really feel anything more...
I thought there was going to be more...but I'm just blank. Maybe next time...
(this I do know though...my current life is stagnant and my wheels have been spinning a long time. I'm doubting everything I thought kept me around/kept me going...and I'm just so very disappointed in myself. I hate being treated like I'm menial or stupid because I work in customer service. I'm tired of feeling indignant and self-punishing for when I do feel resentment over that treatment. I'm just tired...this could have been so much more. I could have been so much more. I feel like every decision I have ever made was a bad one.)
I'm not really sure completely what is going on with me- is this crazy? Is this just more sane? More aware? Less in denial?
I'm not happy with anything it feels like and it doesn't seem to be going away. I'm not even getting any satisfaction from work these days. I am in the grasp of constant conflict in my mind over what to do regarding that and I don't know how to get out/away of this limbo feeling. Weed is the only thing that has been helping my anxiety go down...and then I almost worry that means I'm completely dependent now. What are other people doing? How are other people feeling? I don't think I'm that closed off of a person, but lately I just feel like I'm grasping at straws.
I don't really feel anything more...
I thought there was going to be more...but I'm just blank. Maybe next time...
(this I do know though...my current life is stagnant and my wheels have been spinning a long time. I'm doubting everything I thought kept me around/kept me going...and I'm just so very disappointed in myself. I hate being treated like I'm menial or stupid because I work in customer service. I'm tired of feeling indignant and self-punishing for when I do feel resentment over that treatment. I'm just tired...this could have been so much more. I could have been so much more. I feel like every decision I have ever made was a bad one.)