(no subject)
first there were the red lights. then the other car changed lanes, swerving to avoid collision. then the correcting to avoid falling off the overpass. slow motion skidding. i look out my side window and see a large orange construction sign comming at me with vicious speed. i look at my passenger and hope for the best. the impact and thud-not so much a crash. a carnival ride feeling of not knowing which way is up or down. i would have a bruise where the seatbelt held me in snuggly as the car completely rolled and landed. the very next second we were just sitting in the car. me and noel. the airbags were deflated and hanging out like intestines or an exposed testicle. i asked "what do we do now" somewhat frantic. and noel said "we get out". his door worked. i looked at my door and couldn't recognize where the handle might be. through the window and down i went.
it was the most real experience i've ever had. the skidding, the impact, and the broken floodgate of ideas pouring out were so right there in that very moment. everything that was happening was so instant and pertinent.
the situation was made more surreal by the fact that i couldn't see. a dreamlike blur softened all the faces. the airbag must have knocked the glasses off my head. i remember meeting all the guys who stopped to help. tony, bryan, and louie. seemed like nice enough guys. they were each on the phone to somebody. 911 or the police or whoever. i was kinda left out of the whole talking thing cuz i was more or less incoherent. i even asked if i was coherent to this registered nurse who was rubbing my back as distractionary sensation. she asked me how i was feeling and i said "getting better all the time".
the violator, lifeless, let the people walk around it like flies to an animal carcass. the police. the ambulance. the passersby. the door protruding into the car about 6 inches. the axles were broken either from landing on the wheels after the roll or pivoting on the wheels as the car flipped. i didn't even know we were airborn until someone told me. there must have been pieces of violator in the road because a car passing by hit something and blew a tire. broken glass glittering in the highbeams. lights and people.
they kept asking me what happened and other people kept answering for me. hearsay. they cut up my favorite pants and shirt. seemed like nice enough guys. i asked one guy carrying the stretcher "what do the other accident victims do? am i doing alright?"
movies do a relatively decent job of recreating an ambulatory experience. all ceiling no walls. all voice no faces. immobility and as the nurse later confessed "loss of all rights". bob, the ambulance paramedic was involved in two prior accidents. i asked him if he felt guilty he said "yes the first one because it was my fault" then i made the statement "bob, once you're finished with me you're going on to someone else right?" he said "yep" i said "i know it's your job but i really appreciate you doing this." "whats your name" he said. i said "my friends call me jimothy" and he did as well.
noel was in the front of the ambulance. i wanted him to come with us. before we left the scene he brought the guitar in which was just sitting in the back of the violator. noel said it was fine. perfect. he strummed it. i looked at noel and couldn't think of anything to say but "i'm sorry. i'm so sorry."
laying in a space cold and hearing voices far off, laughing even. a machine squeezed my arm every ten minutes or so but it was the only thing that kept me company. i had no idea how long i was to wait or if my parents knew or if noel was in another room waiting. He was. it was boring yes, but worse it was lonely. i suppose it was a great time to be thankful for being alive and/or praying and/or crying and/or having theological discussions with Christ. but i just laughed a little bit. an officer gave me a citation that said "failure to remain in a driving lane".. can't refute that really. gave me a court date went on his way.
i had the duty of informing my parents. they came. we left. noel went to bed for a couple hours before work. i thought to myself, tomorrow's breakfast will be the best tasting meal i've ever had.
yes, plans are ruined, but only a fool really believes he has control over his plans success. Granted i am king fool. someone asked me why i wanted to go to Africa and it was someone i couldn’t blow off with “because im bored”. this person actually expected and deserved the real reason so i told him, “because i don’t appreciate anything”.
i go in for surgery in a couple of days for my ankle. broke the smallest of bones called the medial malleus. and when it hurts, thats it. thats all that hurts. i didnt kill anyone. i didnt even ruin anyones life. the outcome is a simple 3 cm break in my left ankle. its preposterous. i would say that i dont deserve it, that given my dispositions i should have been cancelled out by now. But i obviously do. Only obvious because im still alive.
congratulations jimothy, you’ve had a near life experience. a reminder of mortality. Do with it what you will. I am now qualified to live the rest of my life, but I can’t let this change nothing. can’t pretend it didn’t happen. the worst thing I can do is nothing at all.
it was the most real experience i've ever had. the skidding, the impact, and the broken floodgate of ideas pouring out were so right there in that very moment. everything that was happening was so instant and pertinent.
the situation was made more surreal by the fact that i couldn't see. a dreamlike blur softened all the faces. the airbag must have knocked the glasses off my head. i remember meeting all the guys who stopped to help. tony, bryan, and louie. seemed like nice enough guys. they were each on the phone to somebody. 911 or the police or whoever. i was kinda left out of the whole talking thing cuz i was more or less incoherent. i even asked if i was coherent to this registered nurse who was rubbing my back as distractionary sensation. she asked me how i was feeling and i said "getting better all the time".
the violator, lifeless, let the people walk around it like flies to an animal carcass. the police. the ambulance. the passersby. the door protruding into the car about 6 inches. the axles were broken either from landing on the wheels after the roll or pivoting on the wheels as the car flipped. i didn't even know we were airborn until someone told me. there must have been pieces of violator in the road because a car passing by hit something and blew a tire. broken glass glittering in the highbeams. lights and people.
they kept asking me what happened and other people kept answering for me. hearsay. they cut up my favorite pants and shirt. seemed like nice enough guys. i asked one guy carrying the stretcher "what do the other accident victims do? am i doing alright?"
movies do a relatively decent job of recreating an ambulatory experience. all ceiling no walls. all voice no faces. immobility and as the nurse later confessed "loss of all rights". bob, the ambulance paramedic was involved in two prior accidents. i asked him if he felt guilty he said "yes the first one because it was my fault" then i made the statement "bob, once you're finished with me you're going on to someone else right?" he said "yep" i said "i know it's your job but i really appreciate you doing this." "whats your name" he said. i said "my friends call me jimothy" and he did as well.
noel was in the front of the ambulance. i wanted him to come with us. before we left the scene he brought the guitar in which was just sitting in the back of the violator. noel said it was fine. perfect. he strummed it. i looked at noel and couldn't think of anything to say but "i'm sorry. i'm so sorry."
laying in a space cold and hearing voices far off, laughing even. a machine squeezed my arm every ten minutes or so but it was the only thing that kept me company. i had no idea how long i was to wait or if my parents knew or if noel was in another room waiting. He was. it was boring yes, but worse it was lonely. i suppose it was a great time to be thankful for being alive and/or praying and/or crying and/or having theological discussions with Christ. but i just laughed a little bit. an officer gave me a citation that said "failure to remain in a driving lane".. can't refute that really. gave me a court date went on his way.
i had the duty of informing my parents. they came. we left. noel went to bed for a couple hours before work. i thought to myself, tomorrow's breakfast will be the best tasting meal i've ever had.
yes, plans are ruined, but only a fool really believes he has control over his plans success. Granted i am king fool. someone asked me why i wanted to go to Africa and it was someone i couldn’t blow off with “because im bored”. this person actually expected and deserved the real reason so i told him, “because i don’t appreciate anything”.
i go in for surgery in a couple of days for my ankle. broke the smallest of bones called the medial malleus. and when it hurts, thats it. thats all that hurts. i didnt kill anyone. i didnt even ruin anyones life. the outcome is a simple 3 cm break in my left ankle. its preposterous. i would say that i dont deserve it, that given my dispositions i should have been cancelled out by now. But i obviously do. Only obvious because im still alive.
congratulations jimothy, you’ve had a near life experience. a reminder of mortality. Do with it what you will. I am now qualified to live the rest of my life, but I can’t let this change nothing. can’t pretend it didn’t happen. the worst thing I can do is nothing at all.