(no subject)
Its been almost 4 or 5 months since Alex has been gone to Cali, but why do I miss him so much right now? Thanks to Lacey for putting me into story book mode.
Alright i'll explain, everyone has it, I think. Everyone has that one moment in life when they feel like everything will work out for the best and they are gonna get the perfect soul mate and live how they want and all that good stuff. I've tried to stay away from that lately but its still a part of me.
I honestly wish Alex would fly all the way back here and be like Hey. and Like know I have problems with life and know even by just talkin to me and hangin out with me, everything would be better. But he won't its not like im giving up hope or anything, we just weren't that close, but i just wished we were that close. Thats why I try to do anything I can for the girls in my life. even though it won't be me, I really just want them all to know they are important, not just another girl to every guy.
Alright well this right now I feel like explaining some things.. namely why I cut myself.
Alright well the first time was right during West Side Story. I dunno, I just felt like whenever it was "The Guys" Like all the guys would hang out or talk or anything, I always felt excluded, I mean i still basically do. But one day I got home and I was so mad, I wanted to be just like Levi and Matt. I don't really know why I did it, but I just did. It didnt feel good at all, it didnt help, it was just there, to remind me what I had done to myself.
The second Time I did know what i was doing. I had just had all of my friends turn on me, because i decided to turn on one of them. And it was namely a call from someone's older sister that was my breaking point. She just kept yelling at me for how the friend didnt deserve any of the stuff i said and I couldn't take any of it back. That night i was so pissed off, i went out to the garage and got my dads razor. Yeah I still regret it again, but this time I was trying to teach myself a lesson basically. I wanted to remember that, i wanted myself to know how badly i screwed up. Its faded away now, but I still remember how angry I was, and all the pain I felt after that, It was not something I can just forget and move on. In the end it finally was over, Its still in my mind and probably there's but At least I think we've gotten passed it.
I am one to hold my friends above just about anything. So many of them have effected me life and usually they dont know it. Some people help me just by being there, just talking to me or something, others really help me and show me what life should be instead of showing me "How it is" I thank a lot of my friends for that, and who knows maybe i'll write it in here how they have helped me so much..
-Tony-
Alright i'll explain, everyone has it, I think. Everyone has that one moment in life when they feel like everything will work out for the best and they are gonna get the perfect soul mate and live how they want and all that good stuff. I've tried to stay away from that lately but its still a part of me.
I honestly wish Alex would fly all the way back here and be like Hey. and Like know I have problems with life and know even by just talkin to me and hangin out with me, everything would be better. But he won't its not like im giving up hope or anything, we just weren't that close, but i just wished we were that close. Thats why I try to do anything I can for the girls in my life. even though it won't be me, I really just want them all to know they are important, not just another girl to every guy.
Alright well this right now I feel like explaining some things.. namely why I cut myself.
Alright well the first time was right during West Side Story. I dunno, I just felt like whenever it was "The Guys" Like all the guys would hang out or talk or anything, I always felt excluded, I mean i still basically do. But one day I got home and I was so mad, I wanted to be just like Levi and Matt. I don't really know why I did it, but I just did. It didnt feel good at all, it didnt help, it was just there, to remind me what I had done to myself.
The second Time I did know what i was doing. I had just had all of my friends turn on me, because i decided to turn on one of them. And it was namely a call from someone's older sister that was my breaking point. She just kept yelling at me for how the friend didnt deserve any of the stuff i said and I couldn't take any of it back. That night i was so pissed off, i went out to the garage and got my dads razor. Yeah I still regret it again, but this time I was trying to teach myself a lesson basically. I wanted to remember that, i wanted myself to know how badly i screwed up. Its faded away now, but I still remember how angry I was, and all the pain I felt after that, It was not something I can just forget and move on. In the end it finally was over, Its still in my mind and probably there's but At least I think we've gotten passed it.
I am one to hold my friends above just about anything. So many of them have effected me life and usually they dont know it. Some people help me just by being there, just talking to me or something, others really help me and show me what life should be instead of showing me "How it is" I thank a lot of my friends for that, and who knows maybe i'll write it in here how they have helped me so much..
-Tony-