it breaks because i'm one night closer but one day farther away...

[allsortofbeauty]

So the truth is, I haven't updated in a long time. I used to access this thing everytime the sun rose and set, but I've been busy and basically I've not had any words or delima's that I've felt needed to be posted on this site. I guess I've lost interst, like I am in everything. My heart breaks every morning I wake up. Do you know how that feels? It breaks. I think it breaks because I know I am one night closer to going to college, but one day father away. It's so hard to express how life has been the past two months. I went to prom, graduated, went to lincoln, and relized things about myself that I am too afraid to conquer and too complacent to change.

But I want to change. I want to acknowledge the goodness in people before I question their motives. I want to look at a boy and think about the conversation and friendship we could have before I think about his looks. I want to resume my relationship with my girls. I don't want to lose another scholarship and not cry, not show how people I am feeling allowing it to fester and develope into sorrow. I don't want to go on living feeling like my mother is dissapointed in my relationship with God. I want to love God more than anything in this world. I don't want to beat myself up every night about things I did one year ago or things I did one moment ago.

My dust setteled but it wants to fly.