(no subject)
Don't listen to me, nothing I say has any meaning. Just words with fickle causes, just sentence fragments for different losses. I wish I actually believed that this wasn't wasted effort, but I scream until my lungs hurt and my head aches. And maybe just for a brief few seconds it eases the pain. I pray for much different things than I did last year, when I slept in my bed I wanted to remain safe, to wake in peace, but now I pray I won't wake, and hopefully I'll die in my sleep. I can't even believe some of the things I say, or some of the thoughts my mind creates, because I never thought I'd be this lost, but all of these things have been much belated. I wish I could begin again and find the courage to forgive myself for my past, but these years have taken such a toll, I'm weak and I don't want to last any longer than it takes for my body to break down and bury itself in the ground that seems to give everytime I stand. Hopefully this will be the last time these words are just wishes.