Cold Comfort

[thisislexluthor]

Who: Bruce Wayne, Lex Luthor
Where: Wayne Manor
What: "Maybe there's a God above, and all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you. And it's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light, it's a cold and its a broken Hallelujah." --Rufus Wainwright, Hallelujah

He shouldn't be here.

It was five in

Comments

[mastahwayne]

Bruce was slumping over a whirring computer, drooling unattractively on the keyboard until the keys threatened to stick down. He had arrived at precisely four fifteen in the morning after a long night, and an impressive new bruise was developing on his forehead. A long, shrill sound went off in his ear and he sat straight up, staring at the computer, quickly pressing the key combination to shut off the alarm.

What he saw on the screen didn't exactly shock him. He pursed his lips until they formed a thin line on his face, and he stood up abruptly, sifting around on his desk until he found a jacket.

The trip downstairs took Bruce only a few minutes, and he stepped out into the gray early morning with a yawn and a slight, tired stumble. He rubbed his newly twisted wrist absentmindedly and waited for Lex to round the short side of the manor and find him there.

[thisislexluthor]

It didn't surprise Lex to find Bruce waiting for him on one of the sprawling paths that made up the back half of Wayne Manor, scowling at him in the dim morning light.

"That is a fantastic bruise you have," Lex commented, gesturing to Bruce's forehead. "I can't even imagine what you'll come up with to explain it away."

He walked up the steps calmly and smiled at Bruce amicably enough.

"So, are you going to invite me in?"

[mastahwayne]

Self-consciously flattening his bangs over his forehead, of which the bruise took up nearly a half, Bruce deepened his scowl almost imperceptibly. He wasn't sure what to make of Lex being here this early in the morning, looking perfectly sane and rational (or as sane and rational as Lex managed to get). It was, of course, sorely tempting to let Lex in and try to be some kind of comfort to him.

But the rational side of his brain was slowly beating some sense into the emotional side until the urge to soften his expression dissipated.

"What do you want, Lex?"

[thisislexluthor]

Lex stared at Bruce for a long time, not responding. He and Clark really did look similar, and Lex wondered why he'd never noticed it before it was pointed out to him. Maybe because Bruce as a teenager had been nothing but long limbs and awkwardness, with no hint of the muscles and power he'd eventually grow into. Some part of Lex wanted desperately to go back to that time, before he'd ever met Clark Kent, when life was as simple as keeping his father pacified and Bruce still thought he was the center of the world.

"Clark is gone," Lex said, and he was proud that his voice was steady. "He's in the Phantom Zone."

[mastahwayne]

Bruce's fingers tightened on his wrist just enough to hurt, but other than that he showed no sign of being affected by the information. He nodded, opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it again. It was clear just from looking at him that he was fighting an internal battle; he chewed on his lip and shifted restlessly from foot to foot, looking preoccupied.

All of his exhaustion had been eliminated by the surprise of Lex arriving, and he turned abruptly on his heel to walk back inside, indicating with a wave that Lex should follow him.

[thisislexluthor]

Lex followed Bruce into the manor, the sound of his footsteps echoing lightly on the floor. It was warmer inside, and the soft hum of the house around him was comforting. The penthouse was quiet, state of the art sound-dampening technology keeping any errant noises from breaking his concentration. Most of the time, Lex appreciated that. But when he was already teetering close to some terrible edge, and Kitty and Two-face were silent and sleeping...the penthouse was not a good place for him to be

[mastahwayne]

For several long moments, Bruce was too stunned to do anything at all. Unfortunately, Lex seemed to take Bruce's lack of response as -- well, not encouragement, but at least it wasn't an instant rejection. Bruce suspected that Lex didn't particularly care at the moment. Regaining control of his limbs, Bruce brought his hands up to Lex's shoulders and held onto them, pulling back lightly.

"Lex... I don't want this. You don't want it, either."

Lex looked completely lost for a moment, and Bruce realized that he must have looked much the same way. It was the first time, for as long as he could remember, that kissing Lex hadn't felt like pressing his lips to a hot stove.

[thisislexluthor]

Yes, that feeling was definitely panic, and Lex grabbed Bruce's shirt and shoved him backwards against the wall.

"I do!" he hissed, kissing Bruce again. "You do! Don't-"

Lex wasn't even sure what he was planning to say. Instead, he just tore at Bruce's shirt, trying desperately to stave off what was going to be a truly fantastic panic attack. Bruce's skin was soft and familiar under his fingers, but it was the wrong skin. The scars marring his chest shouldn't have been there, the heartbeat stronger, the skin warmer. Everything was all wrong, but that had never stopped Lex before.

[mastahwayne]

Bruce, determined not to panic, ducked under Lex's arms the second he could get free, and slipped behind him. As Lex turned to paw at him some more, Bruce grabbed one of his arms and twisted it back, taking advantage of the burst of Lex's pain to grab his other one. Knowing how tired he really was, Bruce lessened his grip to a manageable amount and leaned forward minutely to speak calmly in Lex's ear.

"Listen, Lex. I'm not prepared to be your replacement this time. Last time this happened, it was because both of us were desperate and lonely, but not this time. I'm sorry," he said, redoubling his grip as Lex made a valiant attempt to pull away and go back to molesting him. "I know what you're going through, Lex. Don't you dare forget that."

It was then that his grip was broken, and he had to duck under Lex's arms again.

"I'm not going to do this with you," he insisted, making to trip Lex around the knees and missing.

[thisislexluthor]

"You bastard!" Lex shouted, shaking. He shoved Bruce backwards, and in some remote corner of his mind, knew that Bruce was letting him win. Lex had many talents, but 'the ability to beat Batman in a fistfight' was not one of them. Not even close. He shoved Bruce again, practically pouncing on him, and they both fell backwards onto the floor.

The resulting banging noise probably woke up Alfred, but Lex didn't care. He wanted to hit Bruce, to fuck him, to scrape away at him until he didn't feel like he was about to explode. Until he didn't feel like something was crawling inside of him, waiting to get out. He wanted to burn the world down around them.

"You bastard," Lex said again, murmuring it this time. He was straddling Bruce, clutching a handful of his shirt, and the sheer wrongness of everything that was happening, everything that had happened, finally overwhelmed him.

To Lex's absolute horror, he began to cry.

[mastahwayne]

Bruce's whole body was tense, and he was ready at any moment to propel Lex off of him and onto the floor, but he couldn't really justify hurting him after he started crying. He firmly uncurled Lex's fist from his shirt and shifted them inch-by-inch until he was sitting and Lex was half kneeling on the floor and half lying on Bruce.

After a few seconds of wavering and patting Lex awkwardly on the back, Bruce sighed, rolled his eyes, and pulled Lex into his arms. It appeared that Lex had temporarily lost the will to fight him, which was a welcome relief.

"Lex..." he started, not quite sure what he would say. He let that hang between them for a few moments before continuing. "I'm here for you. As a friend."

[thisislexluthor]

"He's gone, Bruce," Lex gasped out. It had been years since he'd been this upset, shaken in a way he couldn't push, work, or drink away. Everything reminded him of Clark, and everything made him feel guilty.

"He's gone, and it's my fault. None of this would have happened if it weren't for me."

[mastahwayne]

"I know that's what you think right now," Bruce said, although he privately thought that Lex was mostly right. "It'll get better. I-- you're going to stop blaming yourself. I know you will."

Bruce was silently cursing himself for allowing this to happen. Not Superman dying -- that clearly wasn't his fault -- but Lex sitting here, half on his lap, and crying on his shoulder. He was terrible at comfort and he could think of nothing to do. It would have been easier to just have sex.

"You can't think this is all your fault. You're just torturing yourself for nothing."

[thisislexluthor]

Lex was strongly tempted to say something about Bruce's parents, but he resisted. He was getting better at that.

"I should have thought of something," he said instead. "There were a dozen different things that I could have done, if I had just thought about it instead of doing what he said. God, since when did I ever listen to what Clark said?"

And now you'll never talk to him again, hissed a nasty little voice inside of Lex that may have been his conscience.

"I have no idea what to do now. It's like he was--" Lex sighed, frustrated, because he didn't even have words for what Clark had been. Enemy. Best friend. Lover. Punchingbag. Savior. It was all too jumbled together, and Lex had never been able to sort it out before.

[mastahwayne]

"You've... you've got to move on, Lex," but the words sounded hollow even to him. He felt stupid giving advice that he knew he had never followed and probably would never follow, but he had no other ideas on what to say or do. He was still hugging Lex, and he felt that letting go with no particular warning could be more harmful than helpful.

"We should get up. We can go to the kitchen and I'll get you something to drink," he said, and then added, "Something non-alcoholic."

[thisislexluthor]

"Coming from the undisputed master of never letting anything go, I'm not sure how sound that advice is," Lex murmured against Bruce's shoulder. But he got up anyway, sticking close to Bruce even as the other man managed to extract himself from Lex's grip.

While Bruce rummaged through the fridge, Lex leaned against the counter, staring at the marble tiles. Numbly, he asked, "Is this how you felt when your parents died?"