hi...

[allmostangel]

well happy late new years to everyone, hope y'all had very happy and merry holidays...it was a pretty good one here...chris and i headed out to appleton to hang with leah and christian...of course we had a blast...and i was as happy as a clam that i got to bring in the new year with my hunneys tongue down my throat..love ya babe!! heh

Comments

[patticakes73]

why can't i have a say in what happens in our future?...some of the most important things to me he doesn't want right now, but i feel as if i need with him...but of course, i have no say in it

Guys, as you know, are big babies that way. They want things on their terms when it comes to things like this. You can't have a say in things like this, because if in his heart, he feels like he needs a little more time before just packing it up and moving back in with you, then that's something you're going to just have to deal with and accept. In NO means do I mean to come off harsh, because I myself have been in relationships where I felt I had no say in anything. But in important situations like this, you obviously can't force him to move back, and you don't want to give him an ultimatum either.

I would just try to hold close the fact that you guys are still "working it out", and know that if it's meant to be, he'll move back in. It might be worth it to just show him what an independent woman you are. I mean, you moved out of your parents and right in with him, right? Show him that of course you love him, and want him there, but that you also aren't going to grovel or NEED him to be there.

This is the same advice I give all my other female friends that are going through the same kinds of problems you are Amber. I am a firm FIRM believer in the fact that you have to be independent first and foremost.

This is only my advice and thoughts Amber, I'm certainly not trying to be harsh. <3

[hored]

I agree with you on some points and on others I don't, maybe because I was just in a situation similar to hers. I can see so much of me and Jeremy's last couple months in their relationship... he moved out because he "wanted to work thing out between us" and he thought "being apart would bring back the spark". Riiiiiiiight. What he really wanted was space to find someone else but keep me hanging on in the meantime. He gave me hope that we'd eventually sort everythging out and he'd come back when he had absolutely no intention of doing any such thing, and it only broke my heart worse than if he'd just been honest with me from the start. I know it's not what Amber wants to hear, but that's exactly the situation I see her in.

I do agree with you though that she needs to be independent. Nobody wants a doormat and nobody wants to feel smothered. If she's always sitting around waiting for him to call and runs to him every time he says the word, then he'll never respect her and he'll never want any more from her than he has now. Why should he "give up" his "freedom" and commit to her by moving back in when he has it so good now? She needs to live her own life and have her own interests and her own friends and make him fit into her schedule rather than the other way around.

[patticakes73]

Your last sentence sums up exactly what it was I was trying to say. It's funny how you interpreted my first point because I actually thought about you and Jeremy after I wrote that, however I was kinda speaking from Zach's old point of view, when we decided to be together as a couple when I became PG. He kept telling me that he wasn't ready to "move in" together, and the funny thing was...I hadn't even asked him too!

He finally came to his senses though.

Amber, good luck. I know you're a smart chica and you are going to make the best choices for you and Jayde.

[hored]

I guess I related it more to my situation because like Jeremy and me, Amber and Chris had a relationship and lived together previously while you and Zach were just starting out, so to speak.