well kiddos....
i know i've done a lot of whining and the such for the past 13 days..and trust me, i really did take to heart the kind things that were said to me...and i really do appreciate it...but like everyone else, i just had to figure out the "what-to-do next" on my own...i don't know what tomorrow will bring me...but what i do know is that i need to start working on the things that i have neglected for a while now, especially the past two weeks...
whether chris comes back or not is not up to me...theres absolutely nothing i can do to help him decide this...the only thing i can do on that part is either sit back and wait to see if he does, or get on with my life...i have decided that i NEED to get on with my life...for the past two weeks i have tried my hardest to stop time in hopes that he'd see the grass is not greener on the other side, and then come home to us...but it's pretty obvious that after two weeks maybe just maybe the grass is greener on the other side for him...i've learned that time waits for no man, i need to stop watching that door waiting for him to walk through it...this is something that will be extremely hard on my heart and will feel as if it's impossible to do some days...it's something that i definitely do not want to do, but it's something i need to do for the sake of jayde and me...for the past 5 months i have put everything aside and made the needs of chris number 2, when in reality he should have been number 3 if not further down the line...well, now it's my time...
im sure by tomorrow morning i'll feel a little differently...it may even happen when i crawl into bed without him tonight...and im sure i'll be posting more sooner or later, probably sooner than later, about how much i miss and love him, which is true, i really do miss him terribly and i swear to God i will love him forever...i do know that there will be some days where i won't want to get out of bed, or even live...but theres nothing i can do about all this therefore i just need to make the best of this bad situation...
i signed up for the gym at my apt complex today...chrissy joined weight-watchers and talked me into being her work-out buddy...i went along with it just cuz then i'd have something to do when i got bored lol...but after working out tonight i remembered exactly how much it made you feel better...while i was on those machines i just kept thinking about all the pain and anger i've felt in the past two weeks...it was almost like a release of all the tension built up...i never really had a chance to cry in someones arms..or for someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok...or any of the such..i've tried my hardest to be the "strong" woman that everyone thinks i am...and because of this i just about lost my sanity...i do miss him terribly...i do love him with all that i have...i do feel like i can't make it in this life without him...but theres NOTHING i can do, theres nothing he wants or needs me to do...so i'll just sit back and live my life...what happens tomorrow, happens...
whether chris comes back or not is not up to me...theres absolutely nothing i can do to help him decide this...the only thing i can do on that part is either sit back and wait to see if he does, or get on with my life...i have decided that i NEED to get on with my life...for the past two weeks i have tried my hardest to stop time in hopes that he'd see the grass is not greener on the other side, and then come home to us...but it's pretty obvious that after two weeks maybe just maybe the grass is greener on the other side for him...i've learned that time waits for no man, i need to stop watching that door waiting for him to walk through it...this is something that will be extremely hard on my heart and will feel as if it's impossible to do some days...it's something that i definitely do not want to do, but it's something i need to do for the sake of jayde and me...for the past 5 months i have put everything aside and made the needs of chris number 2, when in reality he should have been number 3 if not further down the line...well, now it's my time...
im sure by tomorrow morning i'll feel a little differently...it may even happen when i crawl into bed without him tonight...and im sure i'll be posting more sooner or later, probably sooner than later, about how much i miss and love him, which is true, i really do miss him terribly and i swear to God i will love him forever...i do know that there will be some days where i won't want to get out of bed, or even live...but theres nothing i can do about all this therefore i just need to make the best of this bad situation...
i signed up for the gym at my apt complex today...chrissy joined weight-watchers and talked me into being her work-out buddy...i went along with it just cuz then i'd have something to do when i got bored lol...but after working out tonight i remembered exactly how much it made you feel better...while i was on those machines i just kept thinking about all the pain and anger i've felt in the past two weeks...it was almost like a release of all the tension built up...i never really had a chance to cry in someones arms..or for someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok...or any of the such..i've tried my hardest to be the "strong" woman that everyone thinks i am...and because of this i just about lost my sanity...i do miss him terribly...i do love him with all that i have...i do feel like i can't make it in this life without him...but theres NOTHING i can do, theres nothing he wants or needs me to do...so i'll just sit back and live my life...what happens tomorrow, happens...