12/10/05 - a.m.
..more from the hospital..
12/10/05
this forced routine shit is for the birds. if you're ever suicidal, do not tell anyone because you'll be treated differently. I'm already feeling it. even though I promised 5 people I wouldn't hurt myself while in the hospital I still can't shave by myself and everyone is afraid I am going to try and kill myself again.
come on people: believe and be supportive, not scared.
I need people who believe in me and aren't worried about "what if..".
"what if you try to kill yourself again?"
"I dunno..call 911?"
I think we just need some compassion and understanding. it sucks that I am stuck here and can't get online to explain myself and my actions. this wasn't just a random incident. this was the result of crappy circumstances. of course I can't get online and write all of this out so you'll have to take my word on it for now. I'm not prone to random suicide attempts.
okay, here's why it happened:
no job.
no job prospects. (meaning: everyone said "oh, we'll get back to you" or crap like that)
no money.
no money in bank.
no place to live.
nothing to eat.
no way to get home.
..as I saw it I was on the verge of being homeless on the streets of NYC in winter. I felt that I would rather be dead than to live and face this.
I started Zoloft.
I wish Nikki or Tori would come visit me. :(
it's a shame that I've been here about a month and I only met 1 friend who lives up here (Vera). even being in the hospital isn't enough motivation to see me. that sucks, but that's life I suppose. I understand tho, sometimes life gets totally crazy and you want to take time for other things but life gets in the way and you simply just do not have time. I understand, really I do.
..the story continues...
12/10/05
this forced routine shit is for the birds. if you're ever suicidal, do not tell anyone because you'll be treated differently. I'm already feeling it. even though I promised 5 people I wouldn't hurt myself while in the hospital I still can't shave by myself and everyone is afraid I am going to try and kill myself again.
come on people: believe and be supportive, not scared.
I need people who believe in me and aren't worried about "what if..".
"what if you try to kill yourself again?"
"I dunno..call 911?"
I think we just need some compassion and understanding. it sucks that I am stuck here and can't get online to explain myself and my actions. this wasn't just a random incident. this was the result of crappy circumstances. of course I can't get online and write all of this out so you'll have to take my word on it for now. I'm not prone to random suicide attempts.
okay, here's why it happened:
no job.
no job prospects. (meaning: everyone said "oh, we'll get back to you" or crap like that)
no money.
no money in bank.
no place to live.
nothing to eat.
no way to get home.
..as I saw it I was on the verge of being homeless on the streets of NYC in winter. I felt that I would rather be dead than to live and face this.
I started Zoloft.
I wish Nikki or Tori would come visit me. :(
it's a shame that I've been here about a month and I only met 1 friend who lives up here (Vera). even being in the hospital isn't enough motivation to see me. that sucks, but that's life I suppose. I understand tho, sometimes life gets totally crazy and you want to take time for other things but life gets in the way and you simply just do not have time. I understand, really I do.
..the story continues...