Loner Blues
Been feeling real low this past week, despite the fact that I've been enjoying the hell out of the weather. I guess I've just needed somebody to talk to, and I really don't have that down here. Not yet, anyway. The one person that I feel I *might* be able to open up to, well, he's been real busy lately, and our friendship is just new, so I don't know if I really feel comfortable being that open yet.
And all my other friends are so far away, it's just not possible to sit down with them over coffee and just kibitz about whatever crosses my mind. I feel terribly guilty calling someone on the phone to just chat, and besides, some communication just doesn't travel well over the phone lines.
And that's what I need, face-to-face contact. I didn't really realize how much just sitting around and being open with my friends did for me until I couldn't do it anymore. I feel very isolated and alone. I'm starting to get frustrated again, and I really need to find a physical outlet for this stress. I wanted to beat it out on the anvil this weekend, but my blacksmith friend was up north, so the shop wasn't open. There probably won't be fencing tomorrow, on account of the rain.
The melancholy is creeping up on me again, I can feel it starting to press me down. I wish that there was someone who NEEDED me, then I could bury my feelings of inadequacy in some form of industry and the feeling would pass. Without someone to focus on, I spend my time examining my own feelings, and that is a scary place. I hate to admit, but like Heinlein's Friday, I find that I need people far more than they need me.
-A.
And all my other friends are so far away, it's just not possible to sit down with them over coffee and just kibitz about whatever crosses my mind. I feel terribly guilty calling someone on the phone to just chat, and besides, some communication just doesn't travel well over the phone lines.
And that's what I need, face-to-face contact. I didn't really realize how much just sitting around and being open with my friends did for me until I couldn't do it anymore. I feel very isolated and alone. I'm starting to get frustrated again, and I really need to find a physical outlet for this stress. I wanted to beat it out on the anvil this weekend, but my blacksmith friend was up north, so the shop wasn't open. There probably won't be fencing tomorrow, on account of the rain.
The melancholy is creeping up on me again, I can feel it starting to press me down. I wish that there was someone who NEEDED me, then I could bury my feelings of inadequacy in some form of industry and the feeling would pass. Without someone to focus on, I spend my time examining my own feelings, and that is a scary place. I hate to admit, but like Heinlein's Friday, I find that I need people far more than they need me.
-A.