just some thoughts

[alliangel324]

does what goes around really come around? i've been thinking a lot lately about the double standard i set, always holding everyone to a higher standard than myself. it's beginning to become a problem, me getting too comfortable in my leadership role and forsaking everything that i've learned along the way. i hate feeling like i've left a bad impression of myself with anyone and i cant stand thinking that i could have been perceived as ruse when thats the last thing i wanted. i'm going to have to really start reflecting on what being a leader means to me and how i can put those factors into practice in my real life. i learn about these theories all day long and i sit in class but i am struggling to put it into practice. there is something real in my life that's missing, and as much as i'd like to fix it, i'm having trouble. i get so caught up in the little things, things that in the long run won't even matter, that i can forget some basic fundamentals of respect and just be how i'm supposed to be. i also need to work on criticism. taking it and receiving it, both are equally as important in my life and i seem to have a problem with both. i'm really bad at taking criticism even though i need it so often. i have to realize that there are some definite areas in my life that need improvement and i can always adjust them to make every aspect of my life better. i need to know that when people come to me with things that i can do better, they are only trying to help and getting offended is the last thing they want from me. i also need to lighten up on my supervision style. i get in a comfort zone of i'm in charge and i forget that other people are people too. they have feelings and a back story. there are many things in my life that need improvement and i am certainly a work in progress, so i have to take the time to step back and realize that other people are too. i cannot expect everyone to be perfect all the time when i am so far from perfection myself. repeat that sentence. i cannot expect everyone to be perfect all the time when i am so far from perfection myself. i need to lighten up, to loosen up, to take time to do things that i enjoy, and stop being so concerned about the world all the time. some things wont change no matter how hard i try and all i really have in life is my reputation, which should mean everything to me. people can think what they want about me, but in the end i let them think certain things. thats why one of my biggest goals right now is to shape how people feel about me. i want them to see the real me, not the callus exterior that puts so many people off. i want to take all of the things i know i should be doing, every day, and actually do them. i want to be better, and i want the world to see me better.
and that's all for now...
a