im having an ugly day, week, month, year, life
its just one of those days where i hate myself, and i know i shouldnt but i do and i dont even know why well yes i do i wish i wasnt me. im so sick of looking the way i do and it seems no matter how hard i try nothing changes and i just feel ugly, and im so tired of obsessing over what i eat but i cant help it, its like a disease or something and i think about it nonstop and it drives me insane. im burnt out and i wish things had turned out differently. like today i was thinking about if i stayed at school in nj, i really really regret coming home now, i shouldnt have when i did and the reason i did still infuriates me to this day. i just wonder how different things would have been had i stayed? id be in way more debt but i think it would be worth it. im in this routine and as much as i need a routine i hate routines because i get bored and depressed. i just feel like im not living life and that makes me angry. im sick of being me and looking at myself in the mirror i wanna see something different. something that other people will want to see and i hate that too because i dont want to care what other people think but i do and i admit to that. im just so damn lonely and i dont know how to fix it.