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Okay, so surgery was pushed back. I went in today, and first the nurse looked horrified. honestly, if it had been an easy fix, would i have been in a surgeon's office?! please. The surgeon seemed pretty interested, though. I'm sure he doesn't get many cases like this one, and he was all medical about it. it was cute
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I'm really surprised at the sedation for your operation. I would have thought they'd go local for that. I wish I had been sedated for my wrist operation. Holy crap! That was absolutely insane what the doctor did there.
I just read a little general info on Bi-polarism and alot of it does sound quite a bit like you over the five years I have known you. I hope you and I are wrong but I think we picked up some of the same feelings in the reading on this topic that we did.
It has always seemed like there are 2 different Nicoles in a big picture way and in a small picture way. In a big picture way, you have gone from overly shy to overly compulsive. In a small picture way, it seemed that in any snapshot in time I'd get the "good Nicole" and then the "bad Nicole" and it always mystified me as to what was going on. I guess I'll always think of you as the good Nicole. That may be naive but that is how I've always viewed you. You would go from the nicest person ever to really cold blooded in an instant and it always left me bewildered. And when I'd expect the "Good Nicole" I'd get the "Bad Nicole" and visa versa. THe only thing predictable about you was your unpredictability.
I will say the "bad Nicole" could piss me off and get under my skin like few, few, FEW others could. I don't know how many times if you, me and a pillow were all in the same spot, you would have been in deep $hit! LOL
EHHHHH....welcome to the All Dumb ASS team with me. I started smoking at just about the same age as you and it is a living BITCH to quit. I started when I was down in the dumps too. I'll never kill anyone for an addiction after what I went through. Oddly enough, I'll suggest only that you try to limit the amount you smoke right now and not try to quit. That monkey on your back is way too big to tackle now with what you are going through. When things become more settled and stable in your life try to quit then. If it is next year....it is next year.
Nicole, I really hope you made that call today. You can't go on much longer like this. You are going to burn yourself out emotionally. You have been blessed with so many God given gifts that it would be a real shame if you don't get help and get it now before it is too late. Get whatever issue you may have resolved and/or controlled and life will be so much better for you that you'll wish you had done this before.
Plus, your family needs you now more than ever with your dad's situation. Obviously he needs you. Your mom certainly needs alot of support. I know Monica looks up to you like you walk on water (yep, I saw the old entry on what she said about you. And I always told you she felt that way about you.)and I'm sure she looks to you for strength. And you said Gavin is having problems. I know how you love that young clone and you don't want to let him down.
So I hope you do this for yourself and your family. And yeah, your friends too because we all want to see you happy and healthy in the worst way.
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