The Dreams in Which I'm Dying are the Best I've Ever Had
Title: The Dreams in Which I'm Dying are the Best I've Ever Had
Author: Allegraconbrio
Fandom: Leverage
Characters: Nate and Sophie, UST
Word Count: ~600 words
Notes: Many thanks to turnonmyheels for the fantastic notes and beta
It had been easy, even comfortable, to watch his world slip away as he passed the days, the years, in a cloudy alcohol haze. The first days after Sam's death it was impossible to breathe, let alone drink. But then, one bottle after another he sank deeper and deeper and barely noticed as Maggie, his job, his home, his life became a footnote in someone else's story. It was impossible. The weight of his loss was overwhelming, suffocating and it smothered the light from the world.
His life was shattered, everything familiar was a distant memory and then he was alive only to drink. That was fine by him. He didn't care; he didn't have to care because the bottle was always there. It never let him down, never told him to stop. It didn't cry reminding him, breaking him further apart. It never demanded a thing.
Comfortably numb he slid through the world, the memories receding into a vault in his mind. He threw away the combination, picked up another bottle and let the self-recriminations fade away. Some days he almost forgot completely. Almost.
He started it. It should have been simple, one job, get their money and then get out. They were the last thing he needed - a fucking band of thieves and grifters. She was the last thing he needed. But there she was with her bright brown eyes and that smile that melted away the freeze a bit and maybe he had missed that smile and the way she looked at him with those damned eyes.
He was lost but she wouldn't let him go, let him continue to fall in peace. She wouldn't let him be, and then sometimes that was okay. Sometimes it was nice to have her near, to have her close enough to touch. Sometimes the con clicked and the look in her eyes was not one of pity but a look that reminded him of the chase. It had been a game to them both back then, some days it felt like that again. Some days it all felt possible, so he stayed and his own personal con continued. He wasn't fooling anyone, but he found he didn't really care when he had a drink in hand. With that tumbler by his side he was fine, he was working, he was functioning and he was doing some good. They were doing some good.
“We need you here.” Sophie's voice was quiet.
Nate turned to face her. “I'm here.”
“You're not, you know that.”
“This is all there is.”
“It's not enough.” She shook her head wearily. “It's not all there is. I know that.”
“You're fooling yourself.” He poured another finger of whiskey into the crystal highball and savored a slow sip. Being a drunk didn't mean that he didn't still appreciate every drop.
“Some day....”
Nate cut her off. “Not today, Sophie.” She didn't fight him. The conversation, such as it was, was over.
She knew what she did to him, once upon a time things might have been different. Not now. She was the last thing he wanted, the last thing she needs. It was easier this way. Surely she saw that.
Author: Allegraconbrio
Fandom: Leverage
Characters: Nate and Sophie, UST
Word Count: ~600 words
Notes: Many thanks to turnonmyheels for the fantastic notes and beta
It had been easy, even comfortable, to watch his world slip away as he passed the days, the years, in a cloudy alcohol haze. The first days after Sam's death it was impossible to breathe, let alone drink. But then, one bottle after another he sank deeper and deeper and barely noticed as Maggie, his job, his home, his life became a footnote in someone else's story. It was impossible. The weight of his loss was overwhelming, suffocating and it smothered the light from the world.
His life was shattered, everything familiar was a distant memory and then he was alive only to drink. That was fine by him. He didn't care; he didn't have to care because the bottle was always there. It never let him down, never told him to stop. It didn't cry reminding him, breaking him further apart. It never demanded a thing.
Comfortably numb he slid through the world, the memories receding into a vault in his mind. He threw away the combination, picked up another bottle and let the self-recriminations fade away. Some days he almost forgot completely. Almost.
He started it. It should have been simple, one job, get their money and then get out. They were the last thing he needed - a fucking band of thieves and grifters. She was the last thing he needed. But there she was with her bright brown eyes and that smile that melted away the freeze a bit and maybe he had missed that smile and the way she looked at him with those damned eyes.
He was lost but she wouldn't let him go, let him continue to fall in peace. She wouldn't let him be, and then sometimes that was okay. Sometimes it was nice to have her near, to have her close enough to touch. Sometimes the con clicked and the look in her eyes was not one of pity but a look that reminded him of the chase. It had been a game to them both back then, some days it felt like that again. Some days it all felt possible, so he stayed and his own personal con continued. He wasn't fooling anyone, but he found he didn't really care when he had a drink in hand. With that tumbler by his side he was fine, he was working, he was functioning and he was doing some good. They were doing some good.
“We need you here.” Sophie's voice was quiet.
Nate turned to face her. “I'm here.”
“You're not, you know that.”
“This is all there is.”
“It's not enough.” She shook her head wearily. “It's not all there is. I know that.”
“You're fooling yourself.” He poured another finger of whiskey into the crystal highball and savored a slow sip. Being a drunk didn't mean that he didn't still appreciate every drop.
“Some day....”
Nate cut her off. “Not today, Sophie.” She didn't fight him. The conversation, such as it was, was over.
She knew what she did to him, once upon a time things might have been different. Not now. She was the last thing he wanted, the last thing she needs. It was easier this way. Surely she saw that.