(no subject)
I'm overly critical. At dinner tonight I became extremely aware of this.
Olivia asked me if I had any friends that I actually liked and I rambled out a list of all my good friends..but I realized that for every single one of them there was a contingency. "Well I like so and so when they arent doing this" or "I like this person when they arent talking about that". I have always been aware of these "contingencies" so to speak, but I never realized that every single person I know has one (according to me). With a few exceptions, almost everyone I know has a flaw that just...frankly...pisses me off. Basically, I am critical to the point where I can pick out peoples flaws easily. What scares me though is that most of these flaws are tiny. Why do I have to pick at these little things that in reality, dont even matter? This, combined with my freakish stubbornness makes it almost impossible for me to accept peoples flaws. Instead I dwell on them, to the point where I just cant even stand to be around the person anymore. So to everyone I know, im sorry for being so critical of you, and im sorry for not being able to get over the little tiny things that I find annoying. How am I everr going to get over this? Its not like I want a bunch of new, perfect friends because I lovee you all. Is it possible to just become more accepting and stop letting the little things get to me? Im not sure that it is, but i really hope so. otherwise, how will I ever be able to keep all the amazing people that are in my life?
eh, enough of that, I dont even think it makes any sense. I have returned to livejoural....for now anyway. Im staying at livs house since amy and bill are in NY for the weekend...so far no fires or near death experiences...yesssss, now for some history.
Olivia asked me if I had any friends that I actually liked and I rambled out a list of all my good friends..but I realized that for every single one of them there was a contingency. "Well I like so and so when they arent doing this" or "I like this person when they arent talking about that". I have always been aware of these "contingencies" so to speak, but I never realized that every single person I know has one (according to me). With a few exceptions, almost everyone I know has a flaw that just...frankly...pisses me off. Basically, I am critical to the point where I can pick out peoples flaws easily. What scares me though is that most of these flaws are tiny. Why do I have to pick at these little things that in reality, dont even matter? This, combined with my freakish stubbornness makes it almost impossible for me to accept peoples flaws. Instead I dwell on them, to the point where I just cant even stand to be around the person anymore. So to everyone I know, im sorry for being so critical of you, and im sorry for not being able to get over the little tiny things that I find annoying. How am I everr going to get over this? Its not like I want a bunch of new, perfect friends because I lovee you all. Is it possible to just become more accepting and stop letting the little things get to me? Im not sure that it is, but i really hope so. otherwise, how will I ever be able to keep all the amazing people that are in my life?
eh, enough of that, I dont even think it makes any sense. I have returned to livejoural....for now anyway. Im staying at livs house since amy and bill are in NY for the weekend...so far no fires or near death experiences...yesssss, now for some history.