(no subject)
It's amazing how much I depend on technology. I almost stayed home tonight, but I had to write a paper and my computer was at Bobby's... so I sit here... in his room... alone... while he's upstairs doing whatever it is he does up there for hours. And I'm alone in a house full of people.
My computer broke a few months ago. I had to ask my aunt for an early Christmas present because I could no longer keep up with school work and my online class without my own laptop... I thought I had saved all of my information from my old laptop to Bobby's network pre-crash, but now it is nowhere to be found.
At first, the upset of not having a computer, than the excitement of getting a new one made me forget how much of my past was in the stupid laptop. It went with me to Grand Valley... anyone who knows me knows how obsessed I am with quotes... I had page after page of quotes saved on that computer that are completely gone now. I've lost the powerpoint i made my senior year for AP english... and a lot of my pictures. Finally, possibly the most depressing, I've lost ALL my poems. most of them don't even pertain to my life now... but that's not the point because they used to. It's like a part of my long-term memory has been erased. Like I have partial amnesia. I can remember what was there-but not the exact information. And some things, like the pictures from that powerpoint, can't be replaced. What it represented can't be replaced. and now it's gone. I feel like I have to let go of part of my past because I have to let go of the fact that there's nothing I can do to get that information back.
I am definitely kicking myself for not realizing how precious that information was before it was too late.
and now i feel ridiculous writing about how much this upsets me.
But like i said, it's amazing how much i've come to depend on technology. And how little I realized it until it was lost...
That's like most things, I suppose.
I want to be done with school. But I'm terrified about being in the real world. As it stands now, I have so little time to breath that I am unable to concern myself with much of what I was once passionate about. I want to read a book so bad... a book that isn't assigned to me. Something I WANT to read, rather than am forced to read. I want to go through a book with a highlighter and find quotes so i can begin to create new pages of meaning on this computer... instead of finding pertinent information for a paper or test.
I miss early-relationship feelings. That place where you call one another without realizing you just talked not half an hour ago... the place where you'd drop everything just to lay with one another... the place where you dont need the tv on or a movie in to sit together... where you could look into one anothers eyes and talk about your day, instead of this place i'm in now
This place where talking is mostly in passing, i love you's are just as much out of routine as they are meaning, and you find yourself unable to remember the last time you saw the true colors of eachothers eyes.
We're going on 3 years, and I find myself longing for it to be 3 months instead. I want to remember what butterflies feel like.
I'd like him to tell me his story. Or at least feel like im a part of it again.
I have no idea how I'm going to afford christmas this year. I think any money i get for my birthday is going into my bday presents fund... which means all of my shopping will be done the 5 days before christmas. again. awesome.
My computer broke a few months ago. I had to ask my aunt for an early Christmas present because I could no longer keep up with school work and my online class without my own laptop... I thought I had saved all of my information from my old laptop to Bobby's network pre-crash, but now it is nowhere to be found.
At first, the upset of not having a computer, than the excitement of getting a new one made me forget how much of my past was in the stupid laptop. It went with me to Grand Valley... anyone who knows me knows how obsessed I am with quotes... I had page after page of quotes saved on that computer that are completely gone now. I've lost the powerpoint i made my senior year for AP english... and a lot of my pictures. Finally, possibly the most depressing, I've lost ALL my poems. most of them don't even pertain to my life now... but that's not the point because they used to. It's like a part of my long-term memory has been erased. Like I have partial amnesia. I can remember what was there-but not the exact information. And some things, like the pictures from that powerpoint, can't be replaced. What it represented can't be replaced. and now it's gone. I feel like I have to let go of part of my past because I have to let go of the fact that there's nothing I can do to get that information back.
I am definitely kicking myself for not realizing how precious that information was before it was too late.
and now i feel ridiculous writing about how much this upsets me.
But like i said, it's amazing how much i've come to depend on technology. And how little I realized it until it was lost...
That's like most things, I suppose.
I want to be done with school. But I'm terrified about being in the real world. As it stands now, I have so little time to breath that I am unable to concern myself with much of what I was once passionate about. I want to read a book so bad... a book that isn't assigned to me. Something I WANT to read, rather than am forced to read. I want to go through a book with a highlighter and find quotes so i can begin to create new pages of meaning on this computer... instead of finding pertinent information for a paper or test.
I miss early-relationship feelings. That place where you call one another without realizing you just talked not half an hour ago... the place where you'd drop everything just to lay with one another... the place where you dont need the tv on or a movie in to sit together... where you could look into one anothers eyes and talk about your day, instead of this place i'm in now
This place where talking is mostly in passing, i love you's are just as much out of routine as they are meaning, and you find yourself unable to remember the last time you saw the true colors of eachothers eyes.
We're going on 3 years, and I find myself longing for it to be 3 months instead. I want to remember what butterflies feel like.
I'd like him to tell me his story. Or at least feel like im a part of it again.
I have no idea how I'm going to afford christmas this year. I think any money i get for my birthday is going into my bday presents fund... which means all of my shopping will be done the 5 days before christmas. again. awesome.